gender roles

OK, it's no surprise. Women are the more forgiving sex, but first let's look at what forgiveness means.

A study done by a Spanish university says both parties need to cooperate for true forgiveness to be achieved. The perpetrator must show true remorse, and the offended must not bear a grudge. Because men are more likely to hold grudges, they have a harder time forgiving regardless of the amount of remorse shown.

Meanwhile, women are said to excel at forgiveness, because they're natural empathizers, which may be true but is not the whole story. For centuries, women have been asked to look the other way, not talk about what they've seen — basically forgive and forget.

While Dutch moms say the key to a happy life is a part-time or no-time job, German moms find the same life stressful because they want to work. But there is a whole other type of stay-at-home moms in every developed country: those who stay, because they can afford to.

They've been called jet-set moms, spending days shopping in high-end boutiques, at life-coaching classes, and traveling with husbands on business trips. Despite college educations and former careers, they don't miss working one bit. In fact, when the Daily Mail interviewed three couples who've divided marriage into two clear-cut roles — breadwinner and caretaker — all couples said their divide-and-conquer approach was key to a happy marriage.

If a woman wants to stop working to raise kids or focus on turning an hobby into a job because she can afford to, I say go for it. It's what the men say that's so disturbing. They croon over how their wives (with the help of a nanny) arrange their sock drawers, cook their dinners, wash their clothes, and plan vacations that they just "turn up for."

"Sam is the perfect housewife. She doesn’t expect me to do anything domestic. She buys all my clothes, and makes sure that when I am at home, I can totally relax," said 38-year-old Scott Mullins. She "never calls me with problems at work — she knows not to disturb me."

That doesn't sound like a marriage — if a marriage is a partnership — but nostalgia for good, old-fashioned sexism.

Google's Ngram Viewer uses Google Books' massive collection of 5 million texts published over the last 200 years to track trends. Last month we saw "love" has decreased in popularity while "sex" has risen, and now we're using it to look at gender roles.

Well, actually Chris Harrison, a human-computer interaction PhD student at Carnegie Mellon, is using it; we're just reaping the reward. To examine how men and women have been portrayed in writing, he did some Ngram tricks, which I can't begin to comprehend, to find the 120 most common words following "he" and "she." Then he ordered them in decreasing frequency on the above chart to illuminate basically everything we already know about stereotypical gender roles. Men are the doers; women are the givers.

"He argues" and "he can" while "she loves" and "she learns." This may tell us nothing new about the social milieu of the last two centuries, but it does highlight how gender roles were reinforced long before rom-coms and Disney. Because actions may speak louder than words, but words, well, they last longer.

Sexism in its most literal form is just prejudice based on gender. Look at it that way and prepubescent kids — with their single-gender cliques — are some of the most sexist beings around. But as they become older and more interested in the opposite sex, they become more open minded. Except a new study found one group actually becomes more sexist, and it's not who you'd expect. Romantic teens, of both sexes, cling to gender stereotypes the most.

What's most disconcerting is that when you look at sexism through this lens, girls contribute just as much as boys. The study's author breaks it down into two categories: hostile and benevolent sexism. Hostile is what you'd expect, but benevolent sexism is more complex, something like chivalry. It may seem nice or polite, but is actually patronizing. Benevolently sexist ideals are expectations like women should be cherished and protected by men; women are pure; and men should put women on a pedestal.

That sounds a lot like the Disneyfied version of love that's perpetuated in romantic comedies and is commonplace not just among teenage girls but adult women. An adoring man is a gentleman — the man we expect in the early stage of relationships, otherwise known as romantic love.

Lots of moms think out loud, and Grafix does, too. We're a Little 1940s comes from the Grafix on Sugar blog at OnSugar.

OK, so I know we live in the "new age" of feminism, but does that mean that we have to be completely independent? I mean, what's wrong with wanting to stay at home to raise my two boys while my husband works? I have to admit that before I got pregnant with "Cookie" I was yearning to go back to work, make more money and balance a happy home-work life. I was stuck on the fact that I "needed" time to myself for adult interaction and lunch breaks. BUT then he arrived and all that changed in an instant. How could I leave that little face? REALITY CHECK — I had to.....instantly I started to weigh out the work/home factors.

Alas, I found comfort in the past. I mean, how did so many mothers do it before? Easily, they didn't overspend, they assumed their "role" (I know, but true) and they did all this happily! I admit the beginning was tough, a screaming baby with colic and bills to pay, laundry to do, and the endless list of housework! Housework! Housework! I was raised a "princess" and for me this was all a BIG change!! So, I did it, not happily, but I did it. Then one day, it all hit me (while watching Dr. Phil), Why can't we have it all? If I changed my attitude just a little, then my husband and my baby would be a lot happier too!

After an endless conversation with my other half, we both concluded that no job is easy and that I was in the favorable role. So I began making meals from scratch (yes me), baby food on my own, cleaning the house and doing the laundry all while making sure my bills were paid and my baby and husband were well taken care of — I even iron his shirts!! Ironically, you know what? I wouldn't change any of this for the world and every day I am thankful that I have the past to thank for this example.

So, when people ask "How do you do it?" I answer with a smile, "I love it!" and I do! I couldn't imagine missing those first words, steps or even a second while I have the chance. I know that one day I will yearn for these little moments as my sons are running out the door....

The 1940's what a happy time — kids were kids, marriage was great and the sun was always shining! OK, well not all the time.

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Mommy Dearest,

I have a 4-year-old little girl who seems to fit into the stereotypes surrounding children her age; she loves princesses, makeup, and playing with baby dolls. In an effort to get her to branch out, I have signed her up for soccer with other boys and girls her age. At first, the playtime was terrific — boys and girls running elbow to elbow. Then the coach decided to split them up by gender. Kids generally play with their own sex, so I understood his rationale for dividing them, but at this past practice he decided it was time for the boys to play football while the girls still kicked the ball around. When one of the girls asked the coach why the boys got to play football, he said, "The boys have gotten really good at soccer so we're letting them play football. You guys still need to work on your soccer." All of the mothers on the sideline gasped. While the coach may be right, he is already starting to pigeonhole them into the stereotypes that we moms are trying so hard to avoid. They are such an impressionable age and they are already starting to hear that boys are better than them. I would like to talk with the coach about it, but I don't seem to have the right words. Do you have any advice?

— Antistereotype Soccer Mom

To see Mommy Dearest's response, just read more