first date

"If we're really paying attention, a man will often give himself away from the get-go," explains Meagan McCrary, coauthor of the new book The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags. Nervousness, excitement, or the hopes of hitting it off with a new man might prompt some of us to overlook obvious deal breakers, which will only lead to wasting our time on a second date, or worse — setting out on a doomed relationship.

These initial warning signs can range from a hint of a drinking problem, hang-ups over a past relationship, or a general lack of manners. Here are the first-date red flags Meagan thinks all women should keep on their radar:

1. He invites you over. "Third or fourth date, maybe," Meagan allows, "but when a guy invites you over to 'watch a movie' or have drinks at his place for your very first date, his motives are anything but pure."
2. He drinks too much. "Why guys think it's OK to drink excessively on any date is beyond us," she says. "We don't care if he needs alcohol to loosen up or if downing an entire bottle of wine over appetizers is his normal dining routine, dating a lush is not a road you want to go down."
3. He falls asleep. "Enough said."
4. He talks about his ex. "Whether he's bashing her, admiring her or comparing you to her, if he's talking about her, she's on his mind. And if he's thinking about her, he shouldn't be on a date with you."
5. He texts at the table. "Aside from this just being poor etiquette, by not giving you his undivided attention — on date one — he's clearly indicating that a. you are not, and most likely never will be, a priority, and b. he's not concerned with truly getting to know you."
6. He's shady about his job. "If a man can't tell you what he does for a living," Meagan warns, "then you're better off not getting involved."
7. He tells you he's not looking for a relationship. "This is the number one red flag women ignore," she explains. "Perhaps it's the excitement of the first date, or the fact that he seems great and totally into you, but when a man says he doesn't want a girlfriend no amount of time, sex or snuggling is going to change the fact that he will never be your boyfriend."

Meagan says watching out for these simple signs can help single women navigate their love lives with less pain and more ease. Have you ever come across these red flags? Which would you classify as the worst?

For more dating and relationship advice, check out The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags.

Even though we're in the middle of wedding season on the PopSugar Network, we can't forget the beginning of all lifelong or best-forgotten relationships: the first date. Trying to decide whether a perfect stranger is a potential mate can get stressful and tiresome. So I have eight tips to help make it all go as smooth as possible. Add yours in the comments!

1. Wear your favorite go-to outfit, rather than trying out a new look. You'll feel more comfortable, and you might as well be yourself.
2. Especially if you met the person online, follow these safety tips, including meeting in public and letting a friend know where you're going.
3. Plan an outing that won't take all night. That way you can go home if you're not feeling it, or extend the fun if you are. You could just agree on drinks, perhaps at a place you know serves dinner, and opt to dine together if you don't want the night to end.
4. Remember to ask a lot of questions if you're worried about keeping the conversation going. That trick, along with simple things like eye contact and a smile, will make a thoughtful first impression.
5. Before you head out, think ahead about something funny that happened to you that day or recently. You can pull that story out if you're feeling nervous or come up against awkward silences. Plus, having a sense of humor is always a good thing!
6. Consider ordering a festive cocktail when you get to the restaurant to cut the tension, but choose wine by the glass rather than a whole bottle during the meal. Or go for low-alcohol cocktails. You'll prevent any drinking-induced oversharing about the ex or other unfortunate topics.
7. Don't forget that it's just a date, and the other person is likely just as nervous. Embrace the uncertainty and the butterflies in your stomach, because once you're paired up and retired from your first-date career, it's hard to find a feeling quite like it.
8. Throw some mints in your bag, just in case you get that end-of-the-night kiss!

I'd say choose whatever color you look best in for a first date, but Match.com says the psychology of color disagrees. We know women are attracted to men in red and vice-versa, but what do other colors say? Fortunately, there are shades that say "come here" without going as far as come-hither red. Find out which color is best for you — and what colors we all should avoid — below.

After Reese Witherspoon said she went out with a guy who corrected her grammar on a first, and last, date (who would correct Reese Witherspoon's anything?), I asked what your first date pet peeves were. From the too casual (letting you pay) to the overzealous (squeezing in the same side of a booth), here are your 10 first date no-nos.

• Not having suggestions when he's doing the asking
• Sitting on the same side of the table
• Taking up an offer to pay or split a check
• Checking his phone more than once or twice
• Suggesting a chain restaurant
• Chewing with his mouth open
• Asking to meet somewhere, rather than pick you up
• Talking negatively about anyone, be it an old girlfriend or people passing by
• Trying too hard (i.e. going to a ridiculously expensive restaurant)
• Talking about himself too much, especially while saying "it's all about you"

Have any to add?

Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: "He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?" Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear 2 care, but not 2 much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged. Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male.

— In a piece for Harper's Bazaar, Ashton Kutcher writes that flirty text messaging might have evolutionary repercussions.

At a press conference for her latest rom-com, How Do You Know, Reese Witherspoon revealed a first-date dealbreaker: correcting grammar. "I had someone correct my grammar on a blind date once," she said, "and I knew within the first 10 minutes that the date was over."

Fair enough! I give guys I like generous margins of error, which has not worked in my favor, while I'll ask other guys to pack their knives and leave for choosing a bad restaurant (and thinking it's good). What small thing made you certain a first date would be the last?

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am quite inexperienced when it comes to the minds of men and dating in general. This guy I do not know very well asks me if I would like to hang out with him this weekend. I think why not? Maybe we could be friends.

When I replied back to him he said, "Okay it's a date then!" I was a little shocked. In my head, hanging out does not equal a date. I already said yes, so I went through with it even though I didn't really want to. On Saturday I was whisked away to a nice restaurant and the awkwardness began. Our conversation went like this, "You look very nice this evening." "Thank you." "How are you?" "I'm fine."

The whole evening I was just annoyed with him that he did not properly ask me out. I felt tricked in a way. The feeling only escalated when he tried to put his arms around me when walking back to his car afterward. My question: is hanging out really equivalent to a date when there's only a guy and a girl?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Source: Flickr User malias

In her final diary entry, our anonymous blogging online dater lamented that first dates feel too interview-like, and who wants to be bored on a first date? While a little bit of back-and-forth "where did you grow up?" discourse is inevitable, when you're trapped on bar stools or in a restaurant booth with a new interest, nerves can get the best of us, and the date can devolve into a snoozefest fast. You may not be able to avoid a disastrous first date, but you can at least keep it entertaining with these 10 first date ideas that trump the usual dinner or drinks options.

1. For the bravest of daters, a game of laser tag or paintball adds a fun, competitive edge to a first date.
2. This Winter, break the ice, literally, by hittin' up your local ice skating rink for some laughs and laps.
3. Exploring an aquarium or zoo with a fellow animal enthusiast gives you plenty of other mammals to focus on.
4. Instead of sitting at a classy bar, go to your favorite dive bar for a game of pool, darts, or shuffleboard. You're both sure to feel more relaxed and less pressured to keep chitchatting if you have a game on your hands.

Ready for more ideas?

• Theme parks, minigolf, and other places you should never take a date — College Candy
• Kids answer the grown-up question: what is love? — The Frisky
• Guy drops engagement ring off Brooklyn Bridge during proposal — Lemondrop
• 10 ways to reignite the flame in your marriage — Glo
• How to tell if he's the One — Huffington Post
• 31 days to better sex in October — YourTango
• Are there rules for a dating a friend's ex? — Glamour
• Guess which stars have tattoos — BellaSugar