drug abuse

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for about six and a half months and things are going really well. He goes to grad school about two hours away from me but he comes home most weekends to visit. He is the second person I feel I have loved in my life. The first guy, my ex, I started dating about three years ago (I was 24, he was 22) and we dated for a year. He was nice at first, but he abused drugs, was very depressed, and thought about suicide more than once while we were together. I supported him as much as I could but towards the end of our relationship, he started using cocaine and cheated on me. I was completely devastated, even though many of my friends repeatedly told me he was no good for me. I felt like I couldn't help loving him.

My present boyfriend is wonderful. He is focused on graduating from a great engineering program, he cares about me infinitely, and is actually willing to talk about our future together (something I thought I'd never find in a guy). I love him and am eternally grateful to have found such a great person to share my life with.

My problem is this: there are times when, despite all reason, I find myself thinking about my ex. I don't want to call him and try to get back together or anything, but I can't help thinking about what he's doing, if he ever got clean, or what. I think about him at least once a week. I try to keep it to myself but sometimes it makes me really upset and the guy I'm with now can't help but notice, and won't let me avoid talking about why I feel so crappy. I know it hurts him when I tell him I have been thinking about my ex, but he also knows that I am not thinking about him in a romantic way. How can I get out from under my ex's storm cloud and into the present, sunny life I have with my guy now? Do I still love him? If not, why would I care about him even after so long without even hearing from him?

—Worried About My Ex Emily

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