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Mean Girls at Work: It's a Professional Issue, Not a Personal One
career

Mean Girls at Work: It's a Professional Issue, Not a Personal One

We're happy to present this article from our partner site Yahoo!
by Yahoo Shine

We're happy to present this article from our partner site Yahoo! Shine:

With women graduating from college and entering the workforce in unprecedented numbers, they're discovering that they still need help learning to navigate one of the trickiest aspects of their careers: working with other women.

Related: 6 Times You Should Be a Mean Girl

"Women to women relationships are naturally intense," Kathi Elster and Katherine Crowley write in the introduction to their new book, "Mean Girls at Work: How to Stay Professional When Things Get Personal." "While it’s natural to assume that most women support other women and want them to succeed, it’s not always the case. In fact, studies show that many women believe it is their female associates who are most threatened by the prospect of a woman in power."

Related: 5 Things You Didn't Know You Could Negotiate

Not all mean girls are intentionally mean, Crowley, a psychotherapist, points out. "We’ve come up with seven categories of mean girls in our book because we’ve learned that some women are intentionally mean, while others just say and do things that other women find offensive," she told Yahoo! Shine. "The intentionally mean girls are easier to spot because you get the feeling that they don’t like you and that they want to take you down a notch."

Learn how to keep your personal and professional life separate with a few more tips from Elster and Crowley.

You Asked: My Husband's Co-worker Is Crossing the Line
Advice

You Asked: My Husband's Co-worker Is Crossing the Line

Dear Sugar, My husband just began his first corporate job as a computer analyst.
by

Dear Sugar,

My husband just began his first corporate job as a computer analyst. Since the day he started I've been hearing about another computer analyst that works there. Apparently she's fit, pretty cute, very nice, and quite successful. From what I understand, a lot of guys are after her. I got all of this information from him before I met her, and he even mentioned that he thought she might be interested in him.

He soon stopped talking about her so much when it became clear that I was feeling insecure. This girl is young, single, attractive, and successful, whereas I'm still in school and my husband has to support me financially while I'm finishing up my last semesters. He's mentioned the possibility of his company sending the two of them off on business together, and just yesterday, he told me about a conversation they had about a gynecological problem that she's having! When I questioned him about why she talked to him about such a personal issue, he acted as if I was being overly intrusive.

I feel that this woman is crossing the line. I'm not sure if she's really interested or if she's just looking for a friend, but I know that what she's doing is making me feel insecure and angry. Am I just being paranoid? What should I do?

— Concerned Claire

To see DearSugar's answer, read more

Sunday Confessional: I Spread a Dirty Secret
Poll

Sunday Confessional: I Spread a Dirty Secret

I'm close with my team at work; we often meet for happy hours and even get together on the weekends.
by

I'm close with my team at work; we often meet for happy hours and even get together on the weekends. About a year ago we hired a new girl who became fast friends with the whole group, including me. But a few months ago something in her changed. Now I find that she's increasingly competitive with me, but not in a professional sense. Instead, she's competitive when it comes to just about everything else.

When I get gleeful about losing five pounds, she starts working out every day and comes in bragging about the 10 pounds she just lost. If I host a cocktail party at my house, within weeks she's planning her own and literally tallying the amount of people that comes to each. Most recently, she started flirting with a bartender that we see often whom she knows I have been pursuing. Needless to say, she drives me absolutely nuts — I feel like I'm in high school again!

She also tends to drink way too much when we go out, and usually ends up sleeping with someone (it's been a coworker on more than one occasion). For whatever reason, she's inclined to confide in me about her sexual escapades so I usually know what everyone else on our team is just speculating about. Recently she told me that she slept with one of our biggest clients after a dinner meeting — a big no-no at our company. This time I was so fed up with her that I decided to spread it around the office. It felt satisfying at the time, but now her job's on the line. It's not like I made something up, but I still feel guilty that she might lose her job. Can I be forgiven for spreading her secret around?

Source

You Asked: My Coworker Expects Me to Lie on Her Behalf
career

You Asked: My Coworker Expects Me to Lie on Her Behalf

Dear Sugar, I am a receptionist at a successful company and the woman in the position above mine is bending our office rules and I don't know how to handle it.
by

Dear Sugar,

I am a receptionist at a successful company and the woman in the position above mine is bending our office rules and I don't know how to handle it. She's not my direct supervisor, but she's the one that gives me my breaks. Lately, she's been coming in late, and since I am the only one up front, I'm also the only one that sees her sneak in — she always asks me not to say anything. Recently my boss asked me directly if she was coming in late and, of course, I didn't lie.

Today she needed to leave early yet again and asked me to lie to our supervisor as to why — she said it was because of her son, but in reality she was having boyfriend problems. I don't want to get in trouble on her behalf and I feel like it's inevitable that our bosses are going to figure her out. It's a really close office with only six employees, and I don't want to get a reputation as a tattler, but I don't want to lose my job by helping her lie! What should I do?

— No More Lies Lydia

To see DearSugar's answer, read more

This or That: Overly Sensitive or Totally Insensitive?
Poll

This or That: Overly Sensitive or Totally Insensitive?

Recently you received a huge promotion at work, and since then you’ve had another woman reporting directly to you.
by

Recently you received a huge promotion at work, and since then you’ve had another woman reporting directly to you. While she’s been very helpful as far as getting things done, she seems to have some kind of imbalance. For the most part she’s very sweet and understanding, but sometimes she just seems to snap. Would it be worse if . . .

This: Any time you offer her a suggestion, no matter how small, she starts tearing up and has to excuse herself to the bathroom? You’ve actually caught her sobbing in the stall; it’s both annoying and a poor reflection on you as her supervisor.

Or . . .

That: Whenever she’s having a bad day, she suddenly starts making rude and hurtful remarks about your personal life? She always says them in the guise of offering advice, but most of the time they're just mean.

Source

Handle This: Email Error
Love and Sex

Handle This: Email Error

You’ve been stuck on an email chain headed by a girl from your office about an upcoming BBQ she's hosting.
by

You’ve been stuck on an email chain headed by a girl from your office about an upcoming BBQ she's hosting. For over a week, she’s been driving you crazy with her cutesy remarks and annoying questions, and the back and forth with her friends appears to be endless.

When you get yet another reminder about the event, you're so fed up that you decide to forward the email to a friend, adding your own very sarcastic note about how annoying your coworker is. But when you go to press "forward," you accidentally press "reply all." It's too late to take it back, and you know it's only a matter of seconds until your coworker and everyone else on the chain reads it. How would you handle this?

Source

Handle This: He Takes Another Woman as His Date
dating and technology

Handle This: He Takes Another Woman as His Date

A business associate of your fiancé is having a huge and decadent wedding this weekend.
by

A business associate of your fiancé is having a huge and decadent wedding this weekend. He’s also a possible investor in your fiancé’s new start up, so it’s a schmoozing event too. Of course you’ve been planning on going, but when you come down with a horrible flu, there’s just no way you can make it.

You’re surprised when your fiancé tells you that instead of going stag, he invited his bookkeeper, who’s been helping out with the business. You’ve known her for ages, and in that time you’ve always been pleasant with her, but you can’t help but find it weird that she’s going to be his date. You don’t want to get upset over nothing, but how would you handle this?

Source