chivalry

Whether you're partnered, solo, or something in-between, this Valentine's Day expect men to be a little more chivalrous than every other day of the year. At least French men!

Scientists at a French university hypothesized that words can unconsciously affect behavior, so they set up a test with the word "valentine" in the French city of Vannes. A 19-year-old asked 120 men, between 30 and 50, where nonexistent streets were: half the time she asked where Valentine St. was, and the rest of the time she asked where Martin St. was.

Just 100 feet away (that would make me suspicious), another 19-year-old woman asked for help, saying her phone was stolen by a group of four 20-year-olds. The men who were asked where "Valentine St." was were almost twice as likely to help than those who were asked where Martin St. was.

"After they heard the word 'valentine,' male passersbys may have had in mind, without being conscious of it, the idea of love," said Lubomir Lamy, a social psychologist at the University of Paris-Sud in France, " which in turn may activate the passerby's willingness to give help, which is an aspect of love."

Whether it's n'importe quoi or actual science, I say enjoy today. Maybe you'll be the beneficiary of a modern-day gentleman's word association!

Opening doors, pulling out chairs, and walking closer to the street are all nice, gentlemanly gestures, but they don't actually help a woman out. The modern gentleman has had to adapt and acquire a whole new set of skills. Now their old tricks seem inadequate.

A new study found that women value gestures like filling gas tanks, cooking dinner, taking out the trash, and uploading songs on iPods more than traditional, courtly gestures. Yet I wouldn't call performing household duties or doing thoughtful favors chivalrous acts. I'd call them just what people do in relationships. Working ones anyway!

Would you rather he update his old-school etiquette with useful acts of kindness? Or should this new gentleman do it all?

It's a modern world, but has chivalry died? Eighty-seven percent of LilSugar readers said it isn't so and that they are teaching their sons to be well-mannered men. We asked Lisa Gaché, the founder of Beverly Hills Manners, a company that makes learning fun for children, her thoughts. She said:

Chivalry never goes out of style, so moms take note! In fact, it is perhaps more vital than ever to teach these skills to today’s young men. With technology making it easy to text an invitation to dinner rather than picking up the phone or emailing a thank you note in favor of mailing a handwritten one, good old-fashioned manners have been slowly slipping by the wayside, much to our detriment. To combat this downward spiral, here are 10 ways to instill the importance of chivalrous behavior and turn these impressionable boys into true gentlemen.

Look the Part — First impressions mean everything and there is no better way to communicate confidence than through a young man’s overall presentation. Good posture gives the appearance of looking taller and stronger and being well-groomed displays respect for oneself. The challenge is to strike a healthy balance between caring about such things as personal hygiene and wardrobe selection without appearing too perfectly put together or looking like you made too much of an effort.

Hold the Door Open — In today’s world, young men are dealing with the delicate dance of knowing how to treat a lady without making her feel helpless. There are many ways in which he may demonstrate this behavior from opening a door for a woman, to helping carry heavy packages or assisting with putting on a coat. The understanding is that each of these gestures is made with the sole purpose of aiding the comfort level of his companion.

Walk Curbside — A gentleman makes sure his companion’s safety is attended to before his own. Walking on the curbside of the pavement is a practical measure to avoid any accidental missteps and also to protect a lady’s clothing from soiling due to mud or water erupting from drivers passing by.

To see the rest of Lisa's pointers, read more

Here's a post from OnSugar blog Romantically Challenged.

I know this question has been posed countless time before, but yes, is chivalry dead and buried?

It's a bit of a catch-22, isn't it?  In this day and age of equality, perhaps it is looked upon as something not needed or not P.C., etc. It's perhaps looked upon as being sexist if you refer to a woman as a "damsel."

But then, what of pure common courtesy? For instance, what about holding the door for someone behind you?  If you can't be bothered to open a door for the person you are out with (and notice, I am not noting gender, for that would show bias), then surely, you can hold it open as they come in behind you, as opposed to oh say, letting it slam in their face?

Or how about this:

While it is true if you need help with something, it's good to ask.  Like help getting up from a seat or assistance stepping down or stepping up something that is high or steep.  However, what about taking initiative?  Is that something that is also becoming obsolete?  Does someone always need to ask for help in order for it to be given?

I suppose I shouldn't have titled this particular entry under "chivalry," for I am not inquiring about, oh say, pulling a chair out for a lady, or standing up when she does, or throwing one's coat over a puddle for her — nothing of the sort — nothing on such a grand scale.  Perhaps I should have just called this entry "common courtesy"?

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