casual sex

The results of the TrèsSugar/SELF Magazine casual sex survey are in! We asked 2,000 single women what they think about no-strings-attached sex and found that most women have had casual sex at least once in their lifetime. We were also surprised to discover almost half of women don't use a condom every time they have sex outside a relationship. In addition to taking an in-depth look at our research, we've summed up the most insightful results in this one-sheet infograph. Check it out and tell us what surprises you in the comments!

To find out what women really think about hooking up, we polled 2,000 single women ages 18 to 63, and later this week, we'll announce the results of TrèsSugar/SELF magazine's casual sex survey. Before we do, we're curious about the lessons you've learned from former flings, the stuff that can't be broken down into numbers.

Tells us in the comments how sex outside a romantic relationship has made you wiser, whether you discovered what satisfies you in bed, came to the conclusion that you can like sex for sex, or figured out that you need something more to go with it. You can always sign out to leave an anonymous comment.

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship or have lost my virginity. A lot of areas in my life are going great, but I have never been lucky in the guy department. I don't have much experience with being intimate with someone else. I am now at the age where I am getting more self-esteem, more confident, and slowly having a positive view of my body. I have always been self-conscious, so maybe that's a main reason why I haven't been successful with guys.

Last night at a bar, I met a guy and ended up going home with him. I've never done anything like this before. I have dated guys, made out, but never took it to the bedroom. I went all out with him (without insertion). I knew where to stop and I'm not going to lose my virginity to someone I'm not in a relationship with. But I don't feel guilty at all about what happened.

It's unlikely the guy is going to be my bf. I was just having fun. I decided to go to his place because I know I'm a sexual person and I want to get more experience with being close to someone. I loved having someone on top of me, kissing me, etc. . .  I have always wanted to experience that kind of intimacy. I'm aware right now I'm doing this for fun and I honeslty am glad I did it. I feel more confident and comfortable in my skin. I tend to doubt when people say I'm attractive, especially when you are out in a bar. But honestly, I was getting a lot of attention that night — think it's how I'm carrying myself and being happy with who I am. And not just in bars . . . but at work and when I'm out.

I am strangely happy with what happened; the old me two years ago would never do this. There's nothing wrong with doing something like this, is there? I didn't have sex sex with him, but I'm also not going to wait for the right guy to come or to be in a relationship to enjoy myself.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Last week the New York Observer published a trend piece that concluded young New Yorkers are having less sex. A sweeping statement based on a handful of people noticing no couples pairing off at the dead end of night. From there, he hastily drew a familiar conclusion: everyone's a narcissist now. People would rather groom their online persona by posting where they're at than actually interact, but — I can assure you — nobody loves sex more than a narcissist.

Nobody knows how much sex people have without straight-up asking (and even then, who knows?), so I did the next best thing. I talked to someone who knows a lot about "young New Yorkers," their parties, and — for better or worse — their sex lives, Brooklyn-based writer Diana Vilibert. See what she thinks below.

How does casual sex impact men and women differently? Why are Americans waiting longer to marry? How is the Internet changing modern relationships? These are some of the questions sociologists Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker set out to answer in their new book Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate, and Think About Marrying. According to them, as it's increasingly easier for men to have sex with no strings attached, it becomes harder for women to find long-term relationships.

We report on sex and relationship studies all the time, but this time we decided to go straight to the source and ask the researcher Mark Regnerus some questions. Here's what he had to say:


TrèsSugar: Women have been warned before that one-night stands and casual sex won’t lead to serious relationships. What does your research add to the conversation that hasn’t already been said?

Mark Regnerus: With individual persons, anything is possible. I deal in the realm of the probable. Sleeping with someone just because you want to isn’t terribly empowering, and frankly it’s probably not very difficult, either. The sex may be great (or not), but casual sex makes getting commitment — when you want it — harder to get. Think about what happens to men as a collective when they can stably access sex without strings. Sex with strings comes to be seen as unnecessary. Men have to want to commit. Plenty eventually do, thankfully. But enough don’t, or they stall for years. This is why what other women do matters for what any given woman can expect.

TS: Some think that gender equality means women can have sex whenever they want, like men do. But you say that we value sex for men and women differently. How so?

MR: Again, I didn’t make this stuff up. Our book basically tested various pieces of the theory and find the data fit it pretty well. At its simplest, think about the value of men’s sexual behavior. Does any woman pay a man for it? No. But plenty of men pay women.

TS: Based on your research, what crucial piece of dating advice would you give a young woman?

MR: It’s not a quick step from data analysis of groups of people to personal advice. But the fact that people remain thirsty for advice suggests the problem is a very poignant one. Given that I primarily study sex, I suppose I would suggest to remember that sex is valuable. Men want it. Men will travel the globe to get it. They’ll fight for it. For the right woman, they’ll make all sorts of commitments to acquire it. And they’ll be patient for it. They’ll woo women. They’ll get to know them. But they won’t if they don’t have to. Attractive women often forget that they have so much power. Trading it away for little or nothing — or just because you feel like it — is foolish, in my observation. It’s a real waste. But this power is best wielded en masse, as a group. Women used to have each other’s back, but not anymore. Now they compete with each other.

TS: So what do you make of cohabitation before marriage? Find out after the jump!

• "Oops! I slept with my co-worker after an office party!" — Em & Lo
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• Do single people act younger? — Glamour
• Read this before you cheat — YourTango
• When your boyfriend is obsessed with your orgasm — Lemondrop
• Do new dads lie about their sex lives? — LilSugar