age

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Some of you might read my post and think that I am a shallow person. But I just cant help not be terrified about turning 40 soon while I am still single and have no children. This age is scaring me, I am missing out on living the moment everyday. It has been two months now that every day I wake up with that fear inside me. It feels like I have failed my life. I look around me and see people in their 40s well established and having built families, might have found love or not but have achieved something on their personal lives. I don't know how to get over that anxiety! I need a solution 'cause I am missing out on living the "now."

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project. Today, Mike Nicholson explains how 25 is an age of late-night anxiety attacks and epiphanies and hangovers that are beginning to last into a second day.

It happened on May 8 this year. I didn't think it would happen to me, but it couldn't be avoided. Now I can no longer tick the box on surveys, questionnaires, and other data collecting forms that says "18-24." I can no longer answer "early 20s" when asked how old I am. Thirty is no longer an age exclusively reserved for "old" people; it's now around the corner. And don't even get me started on how hangovers are ever-so-sneakily creeping into a second day.

My name is Mike, and I am 25 years old.

If the midlife crisis for men is about buying sports cars, sleeping with younger women, or both, then the quarter-life crisis is about late-night anxiety attacks and epiphanies, clutching at the last straw of acceptable immaturity, and constant planning for the day when that "real" job finally comes along.

Dating While Broke

For mine, the insecurities involved with turning 25 mostly come down to two elements: career and love.

When I look around at my friends who have full-time "real" jobs, I feel jealous. Why couldn't I have enjoyed law or geology or teaching instead of falling in love with the exciting yet small-employment-opportunity world of media?

After attending five family weddings in the last 18 months, I have come to realize that freelancing in a variety of jobs is cause for concern from some within my family. Who would have thought that those who love me the most would make me feel insecure about where I am in life? I know they hold me to higher standards, but the way I reassure myself comes down to two points: 1) they mean well, and 2) they grew up in a vastly different generation. Of course it doesn't cure my insecurities, but I did feel a lot better coming to that realization.

I'm not going to lie: I could always be doing more, be paid more, or be more successful. There are also times when I worry about my revolving door of jobs and how I would cope supporting more than myself. But maybe that's the beauty of being 25. I can get away with a seemingly unstable yet ever-changing employment lifestyle and be mostly happy with that.

On the flip side, there is the "being single at 25" factor. Why is it that success is measured by whether you are currently dating someone? I have never understood the overarching need to have my success defined by my relationship status.

Truth be told, I feel comfortable with my ability to be single; it seems that those around me care more about it than I do. The dreaded "Are you seeing someone?" or "Why are you single?" conversations get tiresome, but I put up with them by telling myself that at least people give a sh*t to ask.

If a person is single for a long time, this doesn't necessarily mean they never want to change that. I'm no different. I get lonely. I envy those reveling in their love in front of me. But I try to enjoy the opportunities single life brings. You can be extremely selfish in day-to-day decisions when there's only one person to think about. Also, my laptop never has to leave the bed and there's no one to judge me on a Saturday night as I fall asleep with a burrito in hand, snoring off into drunken oblivion. And I wonder why I'm single . . .

Yes, getting older is a thing. It happens to all of us, whether we like it or not. But the point is that there really isn't a need to feel the pressure of a quarter-life crisis. If you're happy, then who cares? If you're not, then do something about it. Just because you leave your boring, dead-end job and hop a flight to South America to learn Spanish or dump your high-school sweetheart because the relationship felt too safe doesn't necessarily mean you aren't taking life seriously. If anything, I think it means the exact opposite: that you have life by the horns and are in control.

When life gives you lemons . . . shut up: you got a free lemon and nothing in life is free. Take the lemon, add some gin, and start a party. Or, if that's not your style, trade the lemon for a lime. If we all took a step back and paused for a moment to appreciate the life we're living rather than regretting the life we aren't, the quarter-life crisis would be a nonevent. Be happy with your choices, or if you aren't, then there is no time like the present to change the game.

My name is Mike, I'm 25 years old, and I'm OK with that.

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This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So, for the past year, I have been friends with a much younger guy . . . like 25 years younger. We are together constantly due to work. We travel together and most weeks are together five or more days, 24/7. It has definitely turned into a much deeper relationship than working together. However, neither one of us has made a move for anything else to happen. I don't want to lose the friendship we have or look like a ridiculous older woman. But, on the days we aren't waking up in the same place, it's his texts I wake up to and his texts I fall asleep to. I am totally confused. Is he intimidated by me? Is it the age thing? Should I just let this one go?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously on Group Therapy for advice and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Jane Fonda's back on the big screen in director Bruce Beresford's Peace, Love, & Misunderstanding. The picture, which is out in limited release this Friday, sees Jane playing Grace, the hippie matriarch of a family with three generations of strong women. Catherine Keener plays her straight-laced daughter, and Elizabeth Olsen is Grace's wide-eyed granddaughter. We caught up with Jane this week in NYC, and she wasn't shy about discussing any aspect of her storied past. Jane talked about her career and even her decade-long marriage to Ted Turner. As it turns out, Jane — who makes a conscious decision to project a glamorous image at age 74 — is also in the process of writing books about sexuality for middle- and high-schoolers. We learned a lot more about Jane during the conversation. Check out highlights below:

• On how she expected 74 to feel: "Several years ago, I didn't even imagine I'd be alive at 74, much less starring in a movie. Everything is a surprise to me, including . . . that I am happier than I have ever been, and that certainly is not what I would have expected."
• On being happy at this point in her life: "You know something — I will have to say that a chunk of it has to do with Ted Turner. Spending 10 years — you don’t come out of spending 10 years with Ted Turner the same way that you went in. What that meant for me is that I come from a long line of depressed people — and so does Ted — but Ted is this rambunctious, over-the-top, funny person. He can be very outrageous. But I learned how to laugh with him, and I learned that it's OK to just be out there, and then you fall flat on your face, and then you get up! I don't know. Everything became lighter. Part of it has to do with Ted, and I am grateful for that."
• On her similarities with her character Grace, and those family troubles: "It fits very well in the sense that I am a grandmother and I have had daughter issues that are resolved. As I get older, more and more I realize — is there anymore important in life than love and forgiveness? And the reason I wanted to do the movie, besides to work with Bruce Beresford and Catherine Keener, is that I wanted make a movie about love and forgiveness, and a movie that made you feel good when you left. Not that I don't like my special effects and everything."
• On the availability of roles for women: "I think it's just beginning to get better in what could be a substantial way. I mean, it's a business. It's a market, and the marketers know that older women is the fastest-growing demographic. The fact is that Best Exotic Marigold Hotel has done hugely well. Meryl Streep's movies do hugely well financially. And I think that matters. I think that more and more television is making it possible for older women to be full, multidimensional people. I am always optimistic, and I think it's going to be better, yes."

To read more from Jane, including talk about her sexuality books for kids, the evolution of protesting, and making a conscious decision to be glamorous, just read more

• How these actresses look and feel their best in youth-obsessed Hollywood — FitSugar
• The 15 greatest lady-grooming movie moments — Flavorwire
• Famous couples who claim love at first sight — The Frisky
• The not-so-secret habits driving your guy crazy — College Candy
• When you're straight, but have a same-sex hookup dream — Em & Lo
• What if your boyfriend dumps you over your blog? — Nerve
• One explanation for why men just disappear — YourTango
• Tina Fey is pregnant in heels — LilSugar
• Survey says: guys like bedroom toys — Betty Confidential
• 10 surprising signs your boyfriend might be abusive — Huffington Post

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am 27 years old and currently dating two people. One is my age, has a great job, is good looking and very nice. The other is 22, has a decent job and just makes me laugh.

At this point I am way more intrigued by the 22 year old. Everything is much more comfortable with him and bottom line, fun. Why is it that I am more taken with someone that I don't see much of a future with than the person that would be the obvious choice?

The age difference bothers me, but what also bothers me is why wouldn't I be looking for someone to be with forever? Am I deliberately avoiding forever or do I go where my feelings lead me?

Any advice would be great! Thanks.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

A lot of people figure that since retirement is eons away, they have more than enough time to start saving for it. This might cause them to push it off to yet another day.

Stanford researchers have nipped this procrastination problem in the bud by experimenting with a virtual reality world which assigns an avatar to participants that looks and acts like an older, more aged version of themselves. Findings show that young participants whose avatars were aged said they would save twice the amount of their peers who didn't view elderly versions of themselves.

This might mean more creative ways to incentivize people to save. For example, the Wall Street Journal suggests the possibility of retirement advisers morphing their client's picture in order to encourage them to put more money in their 401k.

If you want to test out this theory on yourself, you can check out the neat little app called AgingBooth (99 cents) on iTunes. As you can see from the picture in this post — I tried it out for myself. I'm not sure what kind of effect it'll have on my attitude towards saving, but I definitely feel an immediate urge to take better care of my skin.