affairs

We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, YourTango. Think all affairs happen for the same reason? Scott Haltzman debunks the most common myths about cheating and cheaters.

Knowing the truth can help you get back on the path to healing.

An affair could happen to anyone, from the local politician who gets caught with his pants down to the next-door neighbor who sleeps with her kid's karate teacher. When people find out about infidelity, they often make all kinds of assumptions about why people are having affairs. Even if someone cheated in your life, you may have thought you understood what affairs are all about.

We live in a hush-hush culture when it comes to infidelity, and it's not so easy to sort fact from fiction, and many of the common beliefs about affairs are wrong. Here are the 10 most common myths and the truth behind the scenes:

1. Most people who cheat are looking for an affair when it happens. In fact, the majority of time, an affair happens to people who aren’t looking for it. This is particularly true in cases in which a partner had only cheated with one person. Affairs often begin as friendships, which are followed by intimacy, which can then shift into a full-blown tryst.

2. Most people drift from their spouses toward someone younger or more attractive. Think of the Arnold Schwarzenegger affair with his housekeeper. While in some cases, the chronically philandering corporate CEO might seek out younger sex mates, typically paramours are no younger, richer, or more attractive than spouses.

3. Affairs almost always spell the end of marriage. More than 50 percent of marriages can survive infidelity. Although the relationship may break up because of other issues in the future, many couples are surprised when they find that they can stay together after an affair.

4. Once a cheater, always a cheater. While it is true that some individuals have repeated affairs, many affairs are a once-and-done thing. What happens after the affair can set a marriage on a course for stability or blow it out of the water. After ending the affair, the person who cheated must be completely honest for healing to take place.

For six more myths, head to YourTango: 10 Common Myths About Infidelity Debunked!

Check out more great stories from YourTango:

• Understanding Infidelity: Why We Cheat
• How to Move on From a Painful Breakup
• How to Overcome Your Fear of Infidelity

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I'm married 19 yrs. and had an affair. I can't stop thinking about the other guy. I do have the best sex with my hubby who is a loving, affectionate, caring man. I think about this other guy and still want to see him. Why do I feel this way?


There's lots of great stuff going on in our community — join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups, and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

And their eyes met across the crowded pre-k room. No, it wasn't a couple of 4-year-olds, but their parents. In the Vows column in this past weekend's New York Times, a spotlight shined on a couple who met, vacationed together with their families, fell in love, and eventually left their respective spouses to marry after meeting at school. Though the article says no affair took place, the concept of two married parents striking up a relationship over Play-Doh and graham crackers at preschool has many mamas talking. While some women dress to the nines for school drop-off, others are lucky to put a brush through their hair. Have you seen love bloom in the carpool lane or at PTA meetings?

We all know sex in a marriage takes work, but should having an affair be part of that "work." A new study, which should be taken lightly since it was paid for by the extramarital dating site Loving Links, thinks so.

One-quarter of the 3,000 respondents said they've had one-night stands while 14 percent admitted to all-out affairs. Meanwhile 20 percent said they would understand if their partners confessed to sleeping with someone else. But does it ever strengthen a couple? Find out below.

Noel Biderman, the owner of an online dating site that finds matches for adulterers, admits that he sees a membership spike in February. Luckily, February is a short month.

Perhaps surprisingly, the increase in straying spouses comes in the form of new female members (although 70 percent of total users are men). Noel suspects that disappointing Valentine's Day experiences are to blame. Still, he maintains it's not all depressing out there in the virtual world of cheating husbands and lonely wives. Noel says his service can actually save marriages. "Infidelity ends up being a catalyst to probably improving and changing, so it's not this end all and be all." Whatever you say.

To see a troubling ad from the site, called Ashley Madison, which ends with the tag line, "Life Is Short. Have an Affair," read more