abuse

Ireland released an extensive report yesterday revealing that more than one thousand children were beaten, neglected, or raped at Catholic reform schools. The five-volume accounting took nine years to compile and covers six decades, but it doesn't include a single name of a priest, brother, or nun who abused children at the Catholic institutions. A religious order in question successfully sued the government in 2004 to keep the names secret. Thus, the perpetrators of rape and other physical, emotional, and sexual abuse are free from criminal prosecutions. Now victims say they've been cheated of justice.

While the victims feel vindicated by the inquiry, many maintain that they never would have opened their wounds if they knew it would result in zero criminal accountability. The report did offer over 20 ways the government could address the wrongs, including: building a monument, improving child protection services, and providing counseling to the victims. The Catholic Church in Ireland has also apologized.

Do you think the perpetrators should be brought to justice in the courts?

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Dear Sugar,

I've been with my fiance for two years now. He is the absolute love of my life, so when he recently proposed, I didn't hesitate to say yes! Before we dated, I dated his best friend for four years. My ex and I were broken up for close to two years before my fiance and I got together, but it still ended their friendship.

They have recently started to talk and become friends again, but it's causing quite a rift in our relationship. My ex could quite possibly be the biggest jerk in the world — he was threatening, jealous, and emotionally abusive toward me, and I don't want him in my life in any way, shape, or form. My fiance, on the other hand, thinks that their friendship is separate from our relationship, but it has already affected our otherwise perfect relationship. I don't want to seem unreasonable so how should I handle this situation? — He's Causing a Rift Ritta

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The story of Stacey Lannert, a woman who killed her sexually abusive father, has got me thinking about whether women should get a break for killing men who have abused them.

Stacey Lannert killed her father 18 years ago when she was only 18 years old. She was sentenced to life in prison without parole, after prosecutors alleged that she murdered her father because she wanted his money. Lannert's attorneys argued that her father sexually abused her, beginning when she was 8 years old, but the jury could not take this into account.

Earlier this year, then Missouri governor Matt Blunt commuted Stacey's sentence to 20 years, before leaving office, and she has since been released. The governor said he commuted the sentence because Stacey suffered extensive abuse before she killed the man who raped her and subjected her to other horrible physical and emotional abuses.

Do you think sexual abuse on account of a murder victim should be a reason for reducing a murder's sentence?

To see Stacey speak about her plans, read more

Dear Sugar,

I am in a relationship that has been incredibly intense since the day we met. We lived together, but our relationship has suffered many blows. My boyfriend began to lose his temper in ways I'd never seen before — he became mildly verbally abusive and he's frightened me on several occasions. During those times, I'd go to sleep thinking 'I have to get out of this', but by morning, he would be apologetic and sweet, and he would tell me that he wanted to change. I always believed him and stayed.

Things became so hard on me that I finally moved out two months ago. His behavior has become much less severe, but I still feel torn as to whether or not I should give him the chance to start treating me better. I'm just not sure if his temper has truly improved or if it would return to the same level once we got back together. Am I foolish to think it could work out with someone like this? — Torn Tanja

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Dear Sugar,

About two years ago I broke up with a boyfriend who I had been with for three years. Throughout our relationship, he lied to me numerous times about drinking and drugs, as well as his actions with other women. He would vow to change each time but never did. He also made me feel guilty and accused me of not loving him anytime I wanted to do something that didn't involve him — be it a family function or a night out with the girls. I never had the strength to break up with him because I was sure we loved each other. I alienated myself from all my friends and he became my everything. Towards the end of our relationship, I felt trapped and incredibly unhappy. I finally mustered up the courage to break up with him but convincing myself that I deserved better was a very painful process — I slowly realized that I was in an abusive relationship.

I've made a few new friends but haven't dated since. I've recently, for some reason, started thinking about my ex again. The logical part of me knows he treated me terribly, and I thought I had made my peace with the whole ordeal, but I'm plagued with thoughts of him. I really just want to move on with my life and maybe one day have a healthy relationship, but I just don't know how to do that. Do you have any advice for me? — Hurting Heather

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Dear Sugar,

At what point do I end a relationship with someone I truly love who has a temper, who treats me badly, but always say he's going to change? And how do I end this relationship when I am always wanting and willing to accept his apologies and take him back? He is my everything and I don't know what to do. Please help! — Reliant Rachel

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Animal-rights activism group PETA has come out with yet another inflammatory campaign. This year, they kicked their off Halloween festivities a few weeks early: On Saturday, more than 100 people gathered outside a Herald Square KFC dressed as blood-drenched zombies, holding signs that said, "I'd rather be dead than eat at KFC!"

The protest was part of the Kentucky Fried Cruelty campaign, which addresses concerns about KFC suppliers' treatment of chickens on farms and slaughterhouses. "Even flesh-eating zombies have nothing on the Colonel's cruelty," says PETA's Dan Shannon. "We're urging consumers not to set foot inside a KFC restaurant until the company stops these abuses."

Did any of you see the protest? Do you consider it to be effective at sending an important message, or is it just another obnoxious PETA ploy?

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