Teaching

If you feel like your child's teacher is judging you and not just your child, well truth is, they probably are. But just how far should that judgment be allowed to go? Should parents be held accountable for their child's poor grades and absences? (See New State Laws Punish Parents for their Children's Academic Failures)

A growing number of school districts in states across the country are enacting laws to punish parents for their children's poor performance at school. In Florida, lawmakers introduced a bill earlier this year that requires elementary school teachers to grade parents based on their children's completion of homework, on their preparedness for class, and on the child's absentee and tardiness track record, according to the Orlando Sentinel.  

"Teachers were telling us: ‘We can only do so much in the classroom. We have no control over what happens with these kids at home,' " State Representative Kelli Stargel, told the newspaper.

Parent Participation Bills

Lawmakers are dubbing this wave of parental grading "parent participation bills" and they are popping up in states from Indiana to California, the Times reports. The idea is to identify parents who aren't doing all they should to intervene when their kids are absent or performing poorly.

The lawmakers are in good company: many Circle of Moms members say that parents should indeed be held more accountable. "There are so many parents out there who do not parent," says Jen B., a mom who also does child developmental research at the elementary and preschool levels. And she says she sees this firsthand in the classroom, where parental neglect manifests in the form of bad behavior as well as poor grades and absenteeism. "That's why there are so many teachers who have to deal with rude children and children with behavioral issues,"says Jen B. "Most of the children I deal with are well behaved, but I do come across some difficult children that you can tell probably aren't disciplined at home." She adds that she has been told "countless times" how parents think it is the school's responsibility to handle the kids.

Not only are parents not stepping in to help their children with aren't doing well in school, some even reward them when they fail, sending a dangerous message. As Circle of Moms member Leslie has observed, "They will buy their kid a new Mustang and the kid is failing school (I know of someone who just did this). If he keeps failing school he won't be able to afford to live that kind of lifestyle. I just don't understand why parents are not more involved in ways that matter, such as knowing who their friends are and having a set time to be home and do their school work."

How do you feel about getting graded on your child's academic performance and absence record?

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Wondering when to start your little one on piano lessons, or how to handle your 4th grader’s weekly requests to change instruments? Consider Circle of Moms members' recommendations on introducing school-aged children to musical instruments.

1. Time It Right

Before signing your child up for music lessons, it’s important to consider your child’s mental and physical readiness. As Clarissa R. shared, learning to read and play music generally requires an understanding of the alphabet and basic numbers: “The instructor suggested waiting until age 7 or 8, after children have the alphabet and basic math down pat, so as to avoid confusion with the mechanics of music.” And as Sylvia H. explains, a child’s physical size (specifially, his hands) is a factor for many instruments: “Wind instruments are tricky because you need bigger hands…One reason so many little kids start on string instruments is that they come in teensy sizes.”

Additionally, moms like mother-of-two Erin F. encourage honestly evaluating your child’s level of interest: “Ask your child if they’re even interested in learning…If it’s not fun, and they don't have an interest, it’s just not worth doing. If you’re really into it, try again at an older age...they will only thrive if they are enjoying it and not feeling pressure.”

2. Choose the Right Instrument

You say flute, your daughter says French horn? This time, she wins: it's best to let your child choose which instrument to play. Less straightforward is how to handle a child’s musical change of heart. If your child soon wants to switch instruments or stop altogether, first check whether she dislikes her teacher, or is simply frustrated by being a beginner. As Kelley W. shared: “I played clarinet for 4 years in school and at first I hated the sound, cuz let’s face it a beginner clarinet doesn’t sound so good. Then my Dad got me to listen to a little Benny Goodman and I decided the clarinet wasn’t so bad, I just needed to practice.” Others suggest allowing lots of experimentation at first, and then committing to one instrument for a year.

3. Rent the Instrument First

Many moms suggest renting an instrument for at least a few months, until you’re confident that your child is seriously interested. As Jane M. advised, you may also be able to have rental payments count towards the purchase price of an instrument: “Most music stores that work with the schools have lease to own programs.”

4. Choose the Right Teacher

Finding a good instructor can be critical to a positive music learning experience. “Make sure to find a teacher who makes it fun at first or it will seem like a chore,” cautions Sheryl M., and Sylvia H. agrees: “The personality of the teacher is paramount. You need someone really patient and kind who genuinely enjoys teaching little kids.”

5. Inspire Your Child to Practice

Is getting your child to practice her instrument a constant battle? For young children, Rebecca H. suggests setting up a tracking and reward system: “My students would accumulate points and then I would let them come to my ‘praise store’ and spend them…You could have coupons for special treats or activities.” For older children, moms suggest letting children pick out ‘fun’ music, duets to play with friends, or listening to professional recordings for inspiration.

Image Source: eddie.welker via Flickr/Creative Commons

Your special needs kid wiggles in his chair at school and often stares off into space, leading his teacher to the assumption that he's not paying attention. Or even worse, the teacher begins to consider him to be a behavior problem just waiting to happen.

Trouble is your kiddo actually has one (or possibly even more than one) of the many and varied cognitive disabilities that express themselves highly uniquely in each child, and that still baffle some in the educational community. And now you, the parent, are having trouble convincing his teacher to provide a modified approach in the classroom. Or perhaps you have presented said teacher with plenty of documentation, and the teacher dutifully nodded and said, "thank you," but a lack of adjustment in the classroom has proved that actions truly do speak louder than words.

"I have found that your child's success in school depends entirely on the type of teacher that they have," posts Tammy N. in the Moms of Kids With ADHD community. "The teacher has the ability to make or break your experience."

But what can you do when there appears to be more breaking than making occurring?

The first step is talking. Yes, talking — even though having a pleasant conversation with said difficult teacher is probably the last thing you really want to do.

"Communication with the teachers and staff is so important," writes Shelly N., also a member of the Moms of Kids With ADHD community. She has two boys who've been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. "I kill them (the teachers) with kindness, offer names of books for them to read, and send them links to sites with helpful info."

A first bridge-builder is to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt. They aren't necessarily "experts" on every disability. As Shelly N. cautions, "do not assume that teachers, because they are teachers, know how to deal with and help these kids. They get a blip of concentrated instruction in this area."

Lanny H. suggests tactfully sharing some tips that you already know will work with your child: "Come up with some acceptable methods to help," she says in the Moms of Kids With ADHD community.

For example, Cathy C. knows that her teenage son with ADHD struggles with the end-of-the-school-day routine. As she explains, "We found that a check sheet taped to his desk would help him to remember the many things he needed to pack up to bring home at the end of the school day. This took some of it off of the teacher and put the responsibility on him."

However, teachers are as varied as the rest of the human population. Not all are flexible. As Suzanne H. laments in the Moms of Kids With ADHD community, "Some teachers are set in their ways and don't want to take the time to help kids who need a little more attention."

If being proactive in offering information doesn't net the kind of changes that address your child's specific learning needs, then it's time to take the teacher to the principal's office.

"I would request a meeting with the school principal to try to get them to support your child and understand her (or his) needs," advises Chantelle M. in the Autism/Aspergers/PDD-Awareness community.

But don't make that request by phone only. It's too easily ignored and too difficult to document. Cathy C. suggests documentation: "I recommend that you email the principal, counselor and teacher(s) to request a meeting. If you do this via email with a read receipt, at least you will know they received the request. When you get a response, make sure you save both your email and theirs, or better yet, save and print all correspondence."

It may seem as if you are in a battle for your child's education. You are. However, do your best to remain non-combative in your strategy with teachers and staff.

"I am really trying not to be on the defensive with teachers, nor do I want to alienate them or cause them to take anything out on my child," writes Shelly N. "But I will do what it takes to make sure he gets all the accommodations and assistance he is entitled to."

Successfully securing accommodations often means having an IEP (Individual Education Plan), which governs your child's education, in effect. (See Riding the IEP Rollercoaster.)

"If you don't have an IEP in place, get it done immediately," posts Angela C., whose youngest son has a co-diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD, and anxiety. "Once that's in place, the school and teachers have to follow it and give the help."

Even with an IEP though, you'll no doubt have to continue being a bit of a squeaky wheel. As Jennifer B. shares in the Moms of Kids With ADHD community, you're the best person for the job: "Always remember, no one knows your child better than you do. Never let someone else tell you they think they know what is best just because they see him (or her) for an hour a day, five days a week, in a high-stress environment."

What's worked best for you with your child's teachers?

Image Source: Corinne Schwarz via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

These days, it's hard to throw around the word "typical" when talking about the American family. With so many variations on what was once the nuclear norm, including blended families, "grandfamilies," and families led by a single parent or by a lesbian or gay couple, the definition of that term is constantly broadening.

In particular, the growing number of lesbian and gay couples raising children together is now a firmly established trend in the United States: In 2000, the Census Bureau reported that there are almost 770,000 gay and lesbian coupled households, up 314 percent from 1990, and that 20 percent of these households, or 155,400 couples, are raising children together.

“By the time my daughter heard the word ‘gay‘ on the playground at school, she already had many lesbian friends in her life whom she loved dearly, so it was not hard to explain to her about how some people love people of their own sex," says Rebecca G., who had a lesbian partner but has since ended the relationship. "But her life got so much harder when we moved to a small town in a western state where homophobia was rampant. She really struggled for years."

It can be difficult for straight parents to help their kids navigate these shifts, especially because there aren’t a lot of resources for understanding families who seem, on the surface at least, to be different. As Circle of Mom members explain, the best bet is to teach tolerance by example.

Linda O. says she's baffled by negative misconceptions about and ostracism of gay families. Parents need to actively teach their kids to “have tolerance and acceptance" towards gay families, she says.

Chicago teacher Tina Fakhrid-Deen shares ways to increase acceptance for gay families in her new book, “Let’s Get This Straight: The Ultimate Handbook for Youth with LGBTQ Parent," which includes reflections on her experience growing up as the child of a lesbian mother. But, as she tells WBEZ public radio, she wants to help knock down the stereotypes surrounding gay families and help all parents and kids have greater understanding of and compassion for families that are "different."

We turned to Fakhrid-Dean and Circle of Mom community members to share tips on what to do and to say to help teach acceptance and tolerance when kids ask about gay families. Here are some of their suggestions:

• Immediately address negative or uncomfortable feelings about gay families that your children may share.
• Explain to them that people should be proud of their individuality.
• Talk about how upsetting it must be for gay families when people discriminate against them.

Elizabeth B. a mom of six ranging from teenage to nine months, and a member of Moms Supporting Gay Marriage, uses these tactics to instill acceptance of differences in her children. She says, “I constantly reinforce that everyone has a right to make their own life choices and to be happy. I would be just as happy if my children were gay or lesbian or straight, makes no difference to me as long as they are happy and their partner is a good and decent human being that truly loves my child. We can change the world by raising accepting and loving children.”

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

After getting to play Nike Field Reporter for a day, I started wondering what it would be like to have another type of fit job. Obviously, my job is fitness-centric, but I'm still sitting at a desk most of the day. So as the pros face off at Wimbledon, let's take a look at another kind of tennis pro: the teaching professional.

Both the pros you see on TV and the pros who teach lessons and clinics are certified by the United States Tennis Association, but obviously, the job descriptions differ. I spoke with Janet Wilson, a teaching tennis pro in Pensacola, FL, 45, about what it's like to play tennis for a living. Find out all about her fit job when you read more