Sleeping

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Late last year, the Dadlers went to Disneyland. We drove through the night to get there, and I felt horrible for my kids as they struggled to sleep in their booster seats.

More than once I was tempted to stop, fold down the back seat, and let them sleep flat as we continued to the park.

Related: 10 Very Unsung Childhood Milestones

After all, that's the way it was done when I was a kid. And some of my fondest memories are of lying in the back of the station wagon napping, reading, or just resting there watching the world go by.

But of course, it's not safe, not legal, and our car could be the one that gets smashed.

The reality though is that my kids were unsafely slumped over and barely in their boosters. And the only way they would be perfectly positioned in their seats would be if I either gave them each a cup of coffee or I used duct tape to keep them in a permanent, upright position.

I don't know what to do. That's not one of mine in the photo above, but I'm desperate enough to actually like that completely unsafe seat belt technique (that kid is going to be an engineer). But seriously, does anybody have a solution for this mess? Does anyone just let their kids sleep flat?

I'm surprised there's no product for this problem. Seems like there's a million dollars to be made (I'd do it but I'm too busy writing my parenting book, Force Father).

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Whenever I need my sleep the most — whether it's when I'm stressed or overtired — is when I have the most difficulty falling asleep. And we all know that not getting enough sleepy time is a recipe for disaster. It's frustrating to say the least, and I feel like I've tried every tip and trick to relax and calm my mind, from hot baths and reading, to taking melatonin and drinking herbal teas. Do you have any tried, tested, and true tricks that work for you? Now it's time to take a closer look at some remedies to see if they actually work!

1. Counting Sheep: As fun as it is to imagine furry sheep while lying in bed, this old wives' tale technique of helping you fall asleep is actually a myth. A study at Oxford University showed that people who counted sheep (compared to those who did nothing at all) actually took longer to fall asleep. What they did find though is that visualization of a relaxing scene helped insomniacs fall asleep 20 minutes sooner. Researchers believe that counting sheep is ineffective because it's too boring and participants stop counting. In comparison, imagining yourself on a tropical island is engaging enough to concentrate on until we tire ourselves out. A separate study showed that insomniacs usually focus on worries before bed, and things they did during the day. Which is why it's important to really wind down and focus on positive, calming thoughts.

Keep reading about other remedies.

Parents of teens know that setting a bedtime for adolescents isn’t as easy as sending them off to their room with their teddy bear and a cup of water. Circle of Moms member Nelly P.'s four kids, who range in age from 10 to 16, always seems to want to go to bed "later."

There are countless distractions, and sometimes fairly valid reasons for your teen to hoot alongside the night owls. But for teens, sleep is vital to good health, so we wrote this primer to explain the science of sleep to your teen. Share this article with your (non)Sleeping Beauty or Beau, and work together to find a schedule that leaves your teen—and the rest of your family—feeling rested, healthy, and ready to go each morning.

Teens Need More Sleep Than They Realize

You may think that your occasional restless night or your shift from a good eight hours a night to lucky-if-you-get-six isn’t much to worry about, since you’re still managing to live okay, albeit a tad tired. Teens should be getting eight and a half to nine hours a night, and many don’t. That’s for lots of reasons—whether it’s because of increased work, digital distractions, Conan and Colbert, earlier school start times (which often aren’t in sync with teens’ bodies), or any number of other reasons. But the downsides of sleep deprivation are monumental, and not only when it comes to learning. A lack of sleep also puts you at risk for increased stress, drowsy driving, poor performance in school (and sports and your social life), mood issues, and many other problems.
 
And that’s not even mentioning that lack of sleep has a profound effect on the way you eat: The sleepier you are, the more you crave sugar and carbohydrates to boost your energy. While that sudden rush of sugar causes a temporary spike of energy, you crash hard when it wears off. And what do you do in return? Seek more sugar for more energy. The vicious cycle continues—with the added effect of storing all those excess calories and, eventually, busting seams in your jeans.

A Good Night’s Sleep

Now, what exactly is a good night’s sleep? While the length of sleep is important, equally vital is getting through the sleep cycle several times. The cycle is comprised of the following stages, each getting progressively deeper:

• • Sleep latency: the time it takes for you to fall asleep from the time you go to bed.

• • Stages 1 and 2: light sleep. Drowsiness as your brain is just getting into sleep. In stage 2, your brain waves start to slow down noticeably.

• • Stage 3: deeper sleep, which you get less of as you age because of frequent awakenings. This stage helps you awake refreshed when you get to complete the sleep cycle. If you get awakened from slow-wave sleep (stage 3), you may feel groggy and disoriented, but you can wake up raring to go when stage 1 or 2 is interrupted. That is partly why “power naps” or catnaps sometimes help if they’re kept to, say, a half hour or less, as you don’t have time to get into that deep, stage 3 sleep. Stage 3 sleep is the deep sleep during which you sleepwalk and sleep talk.

• REM (rapid eye movement): the deepest sleep. Your eyes are moving fast, but the rest of your body is paralyzed. It’s the stage where great dreams and horrible nightmares occur.

Each complete cycle (stage 1 through REM) lasts about 90 to 110 minutes, and you go through four to six of them a night. But it’s important that you achieve REM sleep to feel really rested.

(For more questions about teen health, tune in to the Live UStream Chat with Dr. Oz and Dr. Roizen on June 7th, 2011 at 7 pm EST.)

 A New York Times #1 best-selling author and host of The Dr. Oz Show, Mehmet C. Oz, M.D. is also professor and vice chairman of surgery at New York Presbyterian-Columbia University and the director of the Heart Institute. For more from Dr. Oz, check out You: Raising Your Child and You: Having a Baby, both co-authored with Michael F. Roizen, M.D.

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Months of interrupted sleep take their toll on new parents. But what can be even more stressful is the parade of people telling you to just CIO, or "cry it out:" your pediatrician, best friends, the grandparents, and even strangers in the grocery store check-out line who spot you with your baby and those bags under your eyes.

The idea behind CIO (also known as "controlled crying" or "Ferberizing") is that you put your baby in the crib, awake, and after her bedtime ritual, let her wail herself to sleep. You do this every night until she learns to go to sleep without crying. Proponents of let-your-baby-cry sleep training methods say that in no time you'll wind up with lots more shut-eye (for you) and a happy, well-rested baby who has learned to self-soothe in the process.

But a resounding cry from a large group Circle of Moms members suggests that CIO is just plain wrong. As mom-of-one Veronica R. emphatically puts it, "I think it's cruel. I refuse to do it. Won't, won't, won't. I think it will ruin my attachment parenting bond with my daughter. Out of the question for me."

Many Circle of Moms members who have tried "cry it out" sleep training report that their sympathy and frustration for their balling babies (whose crying went on for what felt like hours) caused them to lie in bed fighting their own tears. "Letting my baby cry it out makes me sad," says Melissa J.

"I refuse to do this because I think babies under age one or so lack communication skills, and when they cry they are crying for basic needs," says Stephanie H. "There were many nights where my daughter would just cry when she was about six months old, and as much as I was frustrated, I would just sit in the recliner and rock her. I know in my heart that it was right for me to do it that way."

The central question about CIO sleep training (is it common sense parenting or bordering on abusive?) divides experts as roundly as it does moms.

A recent study by the Murdoch Children's Research Institute finds that "controlled crying" to help infants sleep does not lead to emotional and behavioral problems later on. On the other hand, child development experts including Dr. Penelope Leach (author of the 1977 book Your Baby and Child: From Birth to Age Five), insist that letting babies cry at night for lengthy periods of time can be damaging to their brains and psyches. Leach recently told the Daily Mail that this is "not an opinion but a fact that it's potentially damaging to leave babies to cry."

Experts aside, many Circle of Moms members say that letting a baby cry is just plain cruel. Crying is a baby's sole way of signaling when he or she is uncomfortable or distressed, they say.  As Katy explains it, "Babies are not developmentally ready at three or four months to soothe themselves. They need your love and attention. They're not spoiled and you won't be spoiling them. There is a real reason he is crying. Even if he just wants to be held, he needs it."

Jaime G. echos her opposition, explaining that a baby's trust in the world is at stake: "By leaving them alone you just teach them the world is not a safe place and parents are not going to be there. The baby is not manipulative. He is crying because he needs something."

And Allison B. is adamantly opposed to the letting an infant cry it out because of the potential for damaging "the baby's relationship with his or her mother." She says that "Babies need unconditional love and support from their caregivers. 'Tough love' can come later once they are older."

Siobhan T. suggests that moms who don't like the idea of crying it out should experiment with whatever calming methods work for the baby—and for them.

"What I found worked with my daughter was to give her a warm bath, put the lights on low and sit in her room reading a book," says Siobhan, about her infant daughter. "Once that was over we would put her in her crib. I had to accept the fact that I couldn't dictate when she got tired so we had to wait some nights until she was ready. I had to watch her for the cue to start bedtime. Luckily it started coming at around the same time every night. I'd try something like this before letting a baby cry it out."

For another perspective, see 3 Ways to Make Crying It Out Easier.

Do you think it's cruel to let a baby "cry it out?"

Image Source: Jessica Whittle Photography via Flickr/CreativeCommons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Swaddling—the practice of wrapping an infant snuggly in cloth—is a popular and effective way to sooth newborns to sleep. But what should you do if your baby isn’t outgrowing the habit? Is there a correct age for unwrapping your baby burrito? Circle of Moms members weigh in on when and how to end the practice.

What’s “Normal” for Swaddling?

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, swaddling is most common for the first few months of life: “Most babies are ready to be weaned off wrapping by 3 to 4 months of age, although some continue to need the wrapping to help them sleep up to 9 months of age.” 

The truth is, there is no universal cut-off age. Some babies never like being swaddled; others want to sleep wrapped up until their first birthday. Katie H. shares: “Swaddle your little one for as long as she needs it to feel comfortable, safe, and secure. I don't believe it's something you need to try to stop. She'll be ready when she's ready. Diana M. agrees: “I asked the pediatrician and she said swaddle him until he won't let you anymore. She wasn't concerned.”

Watch for Cues

To know when to stop swaddling, follow your child’s cues. If your baby is resisting the swaddle, constantly freeing herself, or rolling over in the night, it may be time to stop swaddling. Eileen D. shares: “I have four children and each was swaddled till they were rolling and getting themselves unwrapped during the night. When I'd head in for that two or three o'clock feeding and find the little one on their stomach with the blanket scrunched somewhere… a few days in a row, that's when I gave up the swaddling for bedtime.”

Swaddle Alternatives

If your child still likes swaddling but you’re concerned about rolling, moms like Selma H. advise using a sleep positioner: “You can use a thing called a SafeT sleep, which prevents them from rolling over. This allows you to maintain the swaddle until an older age if you find your baby is not ready to sleep without it…The SafeT sleep gives me the peace of mind that he won’t roll over onto his stomach in the swaddle.”

Other moms recommend transitioning to a sleep sack. Amber L., a mother in Chapel Hill, NC, suggests: “If she likes to have her arms free, you can get a sleep sack that allows the baby to move around a little more, but keeps them protected and still gives them the same comfort as being swaddled.”

Transitioning from the Swaddle

To transition from swaddling, moms and doctors alike suggest introducing gradual changes, freeing first one arm and then both. Kelly D. explains: “I started wrapping my boy with one arm out, alternating arms for a week. Then after a week I wrapped him with both arms out so just his body (was) wrapped. Now he doesn’t need wrapping at all.”

It’s also wise to begin the transition when your child isn’t extremely tired. Mel J. shares: “The trick is to first try it when you put them down for their first nap of the day (when they are still quite well rested and not too overtired). If you try it later in the day when they are already tired they tend to not be able to calm themselves down as well.”

To sleep train or not to sleep train? To let your child cry it out or do the gentler "sleep lady shuffle" (Kim West's popular "no-cry" method)? These are the kinds of sleep-related questions that bubbled up for many of us when our babies were in the 6-24 month range. But it's a different story once they reach the age of 3 or so, or at least it has been for me. I've found that no matter what approach my friends and I took during the baby and toddler years, our preschoolers now try to co-sleep, or to keep their tired parents in their rooms for part of the night. I've also found though, that there are things we can do to get our children back into their own beds, whether this is a new development or a continuation of longtime preferences.

Promoting Good Sleep Habits

1. Maintain a consistent bedtime routine: My son finds comfort in knowing what to expect, so a bedtime routine that ends in happy sleep will be something he can always return to at the end of the day. If your preschooler likes routine, the bedtime ritual, whatever it is, is the most important one to nail. 
2. Keep an eye on your child's level of physical activity: Has bad weather kept your child from exercising enough? If so, make sure to do something active indoors that will adequately stimulate. If my son hasn't burned off enough energy during the day, he will try to make up for it at night—most likely right at bedtime!
3. Make sure your child's room is conducive to rest: Some parents, such as Circle of Moms member Natalie E., suggest blackout shades to eliminate all stimulation. My son actually seems to prefer a little sound and soft light: listening to Hawaiian music and watching his spaceship nightlamp circle around.

Establishing New Patterns

If your child has never preferred to fall asleep alone, well, that's understandable. Most adults don't sleep alone, so why should kids? 

But there are benefits to sleep independence. Besides the obvious benefits for you—sleeping through the night without surprise kicks in the face, for example—there are even greater benefits for your preschooler. Circle of Moms member Pamela J. suggests that a child who can fall asleep alone, and stay in her own bed all night, is happier and more confident than a child who is in the habit of sleeping with parents. And sleeping alone can promote deeper, longer sleep, which, according to The Franklin Institute (a Philadelphia-based scientific research group) is good for nourishing brain connections and the rapid physical growth your child is experiencing.

Before changing your child's routine though, it's smart to include him in the planning. Circle of Moms member Amanda C. suggests making a plan and explaining it to him "so he knows what's coming." This "lets him prepare himself, as well as find comfort when you follow through."

New routines should be simple, and not introduced abruptly. When we went through this process, I took it step-by step, starting out by putting my son in his own bed and holding one hand while he nodded off. The next night, I remained near his bed, but didn't have physical contact. By going gradually, I was trying to provide reassurance while also nudging him towards independence.

If your child does cry though, a few words of reassurance to remind him that you're there can help, as can a reward the following morning. Circle of Moms member Amanda C. recommends offering a reward the next day to help your child get used to the new routine. And Meshele P. offers her son a beanie baby from a tote at Grandma's house. I like to give my son stickers or a new book.

You can even suggest that your child come into bed with you after the sun comes up, or the alarm goes off. This lets him or her know that your bed isn't off-limits, but that everyone sleeps in his or her own bed at night.

Image Source: Tamika Sono

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

When my son was born, I realized pretty quickly that, though my partner and I had discussed almost every other detail of our parenting styles, we had never talked about routines or schedules. I think we both assumed the baby would lead the way in that department. In some ways, that's been true. But I soon learned that Olin (who is now two) needed us to help him establish patterns for his two most important activities: eating and sleeping. 

If you like routines yourself, you might find setting a schedule for your baby to be a natural, even easy, process. But if you're like me, and prefer spontaneity in your day, you might find it to be a big challenge. Fortunately, the rewards of getting your baby into a comfortable routine are perhaps as great for you as for him or her.

A routine that works will help you know when you have a window of time coming up for getting chores done — or for rest! — as well as providing your little one with a sense of security.

A baby's two main jobs are what I think of as "the two biggies:" eating and sleeping. When we moms talk about routines for our infants, it almost always comes down to how often, how much, and how regularly they eat and sleep. Not only does every baby have different appetites for both, but those appetities will vary from day to day, and as the baby grows.

Is Feeding Like Clockwork Possible?

My son, for example, was happy to nurse all the time; nursing comforted him when he was fussy and seemed to help him fall asleep. But then we developed a pattern in which it became difficult for me to get him to unlatch, especially at night, and this created problems for both of us. I got sore breasts, and Olin didn't sleep deeply. 

My partner started walking him to put him back to sleep — endlessly up and down the stairs, all around our house, and even outside when it was warm enough. When he got a little older we bundled him up, strapped him into his car seat, and drove him around until he was out deeply enough for us to transfer him to his crib with confidence. All this just to establish a feeding routine! Over time, Olin's need for ceaseless motion decreased, and he was able to unlatch and go directly into his crib. He clearly needed something to transition him from the breast to the crib, and eventually even a little motion, such as rocking briefly, did the trick.

Circle of Moms member Jennifer suggests that a stable feeding routine might not be possible until your baby begins eating sold foods. "When she begins to eat real foods.... she is being filled up longer," says this mom of two, and childcare experts agree.

Penelope Leach, in Your Baby and Child, writes that newborns need time to "settle into life outside the womb," and that their hunger signals take a while to present in recognizable ways. 

This could explain why my son didn't get on a reliable feeding schedule until he was three or four months-old.

Should You Sleep Train?

Sleep has been a more challenging puzzle. When all of my parent-friends began talking about "sleep training," I instinctively knew that the "cry-it-out" methods did not appeal to me at all, even though they clearly worked for some. I think these techniques developed largely out of parents' desires to have their children get on adult clocks, which invariably means sleeping through the night. And I don't think some babies are prepared to do that in their first year — or even two — of life.

Yet, routines have value nonetheless, and they encourage babies to learn to put themselves to sleep. I've had the most success with the "sleep lady shuffle," Kim Wests' popular method that involves slowly removing yourself from your baby's bedside until he or she is comfortable going down alone. It can take several weeks, and is a gentler method than the cry-it-out styles of sleep training.

Olin started putting himself to sleep in his crib and sleeping through the night when he was about 20 months-old, but any change in routine (especially travel to another time zone) threatens the reliability of this routine, often for weeks or months after we get back home.

Of course, I long for more sleep, but I no longer envy the parents whose children have been sleeping all night since they were six months old. I'm experienced enough as a mom now to know that my son will sleep through the night when he's ready.

We've established routines that will hopefully help him, such as keeping bedtime consistent and giving him long warm baths just before he goes down. Then we read his favorite book a few times, and he's primed. We've been doing this since he was a newborn, long before he knew one book from another.

It's important to remember that establishing routines doesn't necessarily mean your baby will sleep through the night. An infant's individual nature comes into play here, too; some sleep easily and for long, uninterrupted periods, and others simply don't. 

What Works Best for Your Family?

Decide early on how much flexibility you have. If you need to make regular 8 a.m. meetings with a clear head, then consider some of the sleep techniques that seem to work. If you have more flexibility, then follow your child's lead and see what happens. And remember, even once you've established a routine, it will change as your child develops.

Vicky D., in the February 2011 Babies community, who has three kids, says that perseverance is of the essence: "Stick with it, stay positive, and the baby will benefit from your positivity and progress to a suitable routine."

Image Source: minoru_ntt via Flickr/Creative Commons

The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

However badly both parents may want a good night’s sleep, when your newborn is waking every few hours someone has to get up. So how do parents decide who takes the night shift? Circle of Moms members have plenty to say on the topic; from their advice we've rounded up 5 common ways parents divvy up nighttime feedings.

1. One Person...with a Rescue Clause!

Some Circle of Moms members contend that the stay-at-home parent should carry the full burden of nighttime feedings on weekdays so the partner who works outside the house can get a solid night’s rest.

As Ashley V. shared: "My bf was working when we had our first and on the days that he worked I never once expected him to get up with him. Now with our second he's on paternity and I go to school. He does most of the night feeds so I can sleep and be rested for school."

Still, moms like Chelsea emphasized that their partners help out when asked: “At our home it's who's working less (me) who takes over the primary responsibility of feeding, bathing, etc. But it's with the understanding that I ask for help when I need (or want) it for whatever reason.”

2. Week/Weekend Split

Other households with one partner working outside the house divide night shift responsibility based on weekdays and weekends. As Louise G. shared: “When the babies were newborns my husband did the Friday and Saturday night shift and I did the rest. This gave me at least two nights sleep a week and if I was having a particular rough night he would get up as well.”

Several moms did caution however, that if one parent is going to handle every feeding, ensure the household work is balancing out overall. As Elizabeth S. shared: “Instead of getting up at night though he would come home and make dinner EVERY night and do the dishes and a lot of the house work so it really evened out.

3. Alternate Days

Other parents suggest a schedule of alternating days. Erica D. shares: "My husband and I rotate nights so that we can get a full night's rest at least 3 out of 4 nights. We have three children and I have stayed home with them and he knows how much work is involved in being a stay at home."

4. Divide the Night in Half

Many Circle of Moms members disagree with placing the full burden of nighttime feedings on one person. After all, stay-at-home-parents have a full-time day job too, especially when the newborn has older siblings. Divvying up the night shift by feedings assures both parents (in theory) can get sleep for at least a portion of the night.

As Jawaka J. shared: “I would stay up until 1 am which is just a little after his last evening feeding and the baby would wake up at around 4:30-5 am, so my husband would just get up a little early and handle that feeding with pumped milk and take the baby downstairs with him and do his routine and put the baby back to bed if I hadn’t woken up yet.”

And Lydia R. did the reverse: “He would do 7 to midnight when our daughter was up regularly and I would take over at midnight. It just gave me a definite time to have a shower and some sleep.”

5. Co-Sleeping

Moms like Emily S. found that co-sleeping was a way to eliminate some of the night-shift struggles: “I only work part-time, but one thing that helps me tremendously is co-sleeping. That way neither of us has to fully wake up... when my daughter needs to nurse, I’m right there. Don’t have to get out of bed, and she doesn’t wake much either and goes quickly back to sleep. Big difference from my first child when I insisted he sleep in his crib...I was dead tired all the time from getting up and down all night.” (For more tips on co-sleeping, see Silent Night, Holy Night: Moms Tips for Holiday Co-Sleeping).

Above all, stay on the same team. “Try not to focus on what is 'fair' or 'unfair,'” recommends Monica B., “but rather focus on how each one of you is contributing in a way that maximizes your parenting strengths and minimizes your weaknesses."

Image Source: schuey via Flickr/Creative Commons