Single

We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, YourTango. You may want a relationship, but the real question is “are you ready?” Your answer may surprise you.

I know what you’re thinking right now — “of course I’m ready for a relationship — it’s what I’ve been waiting so long for! I just need to know how I can get one started!”

Well, I’m certainly not arguing that you want a real relationship; I’m asking if you’re ready for a real relationship. That one’s tough to answer, because it entails really looking at yourself and your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors in a real, open, and honest way. And that’s never easy.

One thing I can tell you is that I’ve been there. I’ve been in that spot where all I could think about was how I so wanted a real relationship, with all of the affection, understanding, support, and love that comes with it. And that’s when I asked myself this very same question, and I realized that I didn’t like the answer. I had some major changing to do.

So how do you know if you’re ready for a relationship before you start one with either the wrong guy or Mr. Right at the wrong time?

Well, if you’re showing any of these warning signs, it means you’re not ready for a relationship and you have some work to do on yourself before you can be in a healthy, happy relationship with someone else.

1. Your compass is not pointing north. Your great guy compass is off, and it's consistently pointing you to the wrong type of guy. This typically happens because you’re subconsciously trying to sabotage the relationship from the beginning by choosing a guy who’s not actually relationship material. Your friends and family have warned you that he’s a player, or a loser, or a (enter your favorite derogatory term for a bad boyfriend here), but you’ve written them off, believing that you’re going to be the one woman that can change him into the perfect partner. No, the truth is that inside you know you won’t change him, and that’s actually OK with you, because you subconsciously fear a deep relationship.
2. You need a guy to feel happy. You feel miserable unless you’re coupled up. If you get an invite to a party or event, and you don’t have a guy to bring, then you’re likely to make up an excuse, send your regrets, pass up the night out and sit at home feeling sorry for yourself because you are oh so alone. Then you spend the entire night googling “best places to meet men” and reading articles about what men find attractive instead of doing something would make you happy (like going to the party you were invited to.) The truth is that if you did meet a great guy while in this mindset, you’d hold on so tight so quickly that you’d most likely strangle the relationship anyway. Find what makes you happy before you’re in a relationship, then find someone to share that happiness with.

Written by Jane Garapick for YourTango.

More from YourTango:

• 8 Reasons You're Not Ready For A Relationship
• "Is He Toxic Or Am I Just Hypersensitive?"
• 6 Reasons To Consider Couples Therapy

An occasional stroll down memory lane is only natural, but if those "Remember when?" moments turn into an everyday, all-consuming affair, it's time to reevaluate your feelings. The difference between wistful and hopelessly devoted can be a confusing gray area, but if you relate to these signs, you're probably not over your ex:

1. His Twitter page is one of your bookmarks. If you're still following your ex on Twitter, FourSquare, Instagram, Tumblr, etc., moving on is going to prove more than a little difficult. Keeping tabs on him isn't healthy if you're hoping to get over the relationship, so do yourself a favor and defriend or unfollow if his updates bum you out.
2. You can't watch baseball anymore because it reminds you of him. Looking back every once in a while is fine, but if you have to give up something you love just because it triggers a memory, there's more to the story. Try creating new memories with different pals so that you associate the hobby with them instead.
3. He's in your bed. A good rule of thumb: if you're still sleeping with him, chances are you still have feelings for him. There are certainly a few exceptions, but moving on just isn't going to happen if he's still your regular cuddle buddy.
4. In your phone, his name is "Seriously, Do Not Call." Drunk dials are a real thing, and so are late-night meltdown calls. Can't seem to stop yourself from picking up the phone? There's an app for that. Download the Don't Dial! app, which allows you to block certain numbers for up to 24 hours.

Read on for more signs you're not over your ex.

He used to make you feel weak in the knees, and then suddenly he's your . . . best friend? Whether it's an old crush that's resurfaced or a guy you've recently decided would fit better as a friend, a platonic relationship with someone you used to daydream about can be strange and difficult to navigate. Here are the pros and cons of becoming BFFs with a former crush:

The pros:

• You're on his "forever" timeline. Girlfriends will come and go, but you'll be one of the lucky women in his life who lasts. Romantic relationships are special, of course, but one of friendship's major bonuses is its ability to endure. Not only will you be in the loop for major life events, you also won't have to worry about splitting up friends if you eventually break up.
• A relationship that's all fun, no complications. Without the drama and pressure of intimacy, you'll be able to enjoy a friendship that's simple, straightforward, and carefree. No breakups, no makeups, and no friendly female competition — just two people who appreciate each other's company.
• Single? He'll introduce you to other guys like him. Most men tend to hang out with other men who share the same qualities, so your best friend's social circle can become your dating pool. Plus, he'll be able to filter out the bad ones for you — since he cares about you, he'll be sure to hook you up with only his kindest, most loyal pals.

The cons:

• There may still be feelings. (Cue the drama.) If you're single and realize that your crush hasn't quite faded, then you've officially moved out of simple friendship territory and into something messy. Keeping your feelings under wraps might make you crazy, but revealing them could ruin the relationship for good. It goes without saying, but if you're in a relationship and feelings resurface, it's time to step back and reevaluate.
• Jealousy issues, part one. If he meets someone, you may start feeling pushed aside or left out — and vice versa. The third wheel problem can be tough to fix, so it's important to keep the communication lines open and be clear about any uncomfortable dynamics.
• Jealousy issues, part two. Chances are, as best friends, you have some sort of chemistry — and significant others may start to envy the connection. Even worse? They may start to feel suspicious about the relationship and cause rifts in the friendship. Keep things cordial and build trust by creating separate friendships with each other's love interests.

The bottom line? Friendships between men and women are complicated — especially if you once thought of it as something more. Still that doesn't mean you need to pull the plug on a potential friend connection just because it started as an infatuation. If you stay honest with yourself and each other, friendship with a former crush can be fun and exciting.

What do you think? Ever been friends with a past crush?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So Friday night I went on a second date with this very good-looking guy. We have tons in common and chemistry is crystal clear. However, because this guy is so handsome, putting two and two together and you are bounds to get a ladies' man. For that reason, my intention was to have my guard high up. Well things got pretty intense at the end of our second date and I ended up having sex with him even after I told him it was too soon. We talked about it and sure enough the deed was done. But now I still want to have him around. Not for a relationship just yet, but I'm really hoping to not be "tooted and booted." Any suggestions as to what I should do? Or is it all done with?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.