Sex

Talking about your ex with a new guy may feel like the ultimate don't, but sharing some insights into your past relationships might actually be a good thing. And although you definitely don't want to hear all the nitty-gritty details of each other's past relationships, learning about those connections — and fallouts — could bring you closer together. Before you agree on a no-ex-talk ultimatum, take a look at these surprising benefits of opening up.

• You can better understand each other's relationship habits. Regularly find yourself annoyed whenever he gets jealous, defensive, or overly protective? If you learn some of the pitfalls of each other's past relationships, it'll help you both understand where the other's coming from, and as silly as it sounds, you can find comfort in the fact that it's not you — it's the exes.
• You open the doors to other kinds of communication. Honest, open dialogue in one area of your relationship could trigger a domino effect, leading to more candid conversations altogether. Once you've relayed the ins and outs of your previous heartbreaks, you'll have broken down a barrier in your relationship. From there, you may feel more comfortable talking about sex, insecurities, or other topics that made you nervous in the past.
• You learn where each other's insecurities lie. Knowing what didn't work for each other in the past can help you avoid those hot-button topics or issues. If, for instance, he ended things with his ex because she became too dependent, you can make a genuine effort to build up your own independent lifestyle.

The bottom line: Opening up about your past relationships doesn't have to mean opening up a can of worms. If you stick to an honest, considerate line of communication, ex talk can actually bring you closer together.

We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project. Sexually frustrated men often claim that women hold the sex card. Life coach Steve Horsmon disagrees.

Since before we were born, we men have been aware of our emerging sexuality. Sonograms have proven that we become "in touch" with our pleasure points right from the start.

If you are like most men, and like me, a large part of your life has been spent thinking, wondering, and worrying about how those pleasure points will be satisfied. You likely imagined that the solution was ultimately in the control of others — specifically, women.

How "Friends With Benefits" Can Backfire on Men

The sexual epiphany I am talking about is the point in a man's life when thinking, wondering, and worrying changes into leading, romancing and enjoying. This epiphany does not just happen with age. It must be earned. It is simple but not easy. If it were easy, every guy would be doing it and would be happy with his sex life.

Your transition from horny to happy is based in your transition from expecting things from your wife to expecting things from yourself. This personal transformation is part of the journey which is full of surprises.

This change brings the brand new benefit of having more self-confidence, more self-respect, and more control over your emotions.

When you discover these feelings and learn how to consistently expect them of yourself, something else changes. I hear this from frustrated wives all the time.

Your sex appeal shoots through the roof! You achieve the status of "sexy man." Your wife sees you in a new attractive light which is the only light that allows her to see you this way. In fact, many other women notice as well — wherever you are. You morph into that man other guys envy and women adore. And until now, you had no idea that it had everything to do with how you think about yourself.

Read the rest of the story: A Married Man's Sexual Epiphany

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• Marriage Is Not About You
• Are Some Men Intimidated by Strong Women?
• Making Love All Day Long

Who doesn't need more money? We've given you many ideas to earn extra income, but sometimes there are intangible factors you may or may not have control over that affect your salary. Thankfully, we have scientists hard at work in their labs trying to figure out the answers for us. Here are various results of research studies of the things that impact income:

• Height: An Australian study found that 6-foot men earned $1,000 more than guys who were two inches shorter. "Taller people are perceived to be more intelligent and powerful," says the study.
• Regular exercise: People who work out regularly, according to a study in the Journal of Labor Research, earn nine percent more than their couch potato peers. Perhaps your monthly gym membership is literally paying off.
• Popularity in high school: Being well-liked in high school isn't something we can change right now, but if you were one of the cool kids, you're in luck. A National Bureau of Economic Research study says people who were among the top fifth most popular students in high school, earn a 10 percent premium on salary four decades later compared with the bottom fifth.
• When you marry: College-educated women who marry past their 30s make more income, while men who marry earlier see more financial benefits, according to a study by the National Marriage Project. One reason could be: women who marry earlier tend to have kids earlier as well, which forces them to take a break from their career during a period when they'll see a lot of growth. As for men, perhaps those who marry earlier tend to be more secure and confident than their single friends, leading to higher productivity.

Read on for more.

If a friend or co-worker is into you and you don't feel the same, it can be more than a little awkward to let him down. Whether he's a lifelong pal, an acquaintance you'll be seeing around, or a guy who works just a few cubicles away, that common ground can make turning him down feel impossible. Still, that's no reason to pretend you're into him just because it's easier. Instead, follow these tips to say no under even the trickiest of circumstances:

• Evaluate the relationship. Before you reject any date offers, take the time to step back and consider your approach. If you're feeling 50/50 on whether or not you're interested, think about what you'd gain or lose by giving him a shot. Is it worth going on a date to see if sparks fly? Would he feel better if you at least gave it a chance? Or is he the type who'd rather not go through the motions if you know you're not into it?
• Don't dillydally. It's never polite to wait days before responding, but it's especially rude when you've been asked out by someone you already know. No matter what kind of news you'll be passing along, be respectful and make a point to reply the same day.
• Pick the right medium to communicate. If it's a friend who's casually texted to ask you out, it's perfectly fine to text him your response. Dealing with a co-worker? Don't IM him from 20 feet away. Instead, muster the courage to say something face-to-face — he'll appreciate that you were up front with him, and you'll avoid the awkwardness of seeing him just after you've messaged him with a refusal.
• Set the postrejection tone. Chances are, he's going to feel a bit blue after you've turned him down, so it's on you to establish a normal, easygoing vibe. Smile and make small talk, but don't go overboard and shower him with attention, because that'll only rub salt in the wound. People tend to mimic the way they're treated, so do your best to treat him like a friendly acquaintance and hopefully, eventually, he'll be able to rise to the occasion himself.

The wedding ceremony can be overshadowed by the dancing, booze, and food of the reception, but ceremonies truly hold the heart of the big day: it's when the couple officially begins the rest of their lives as spouses. The "I dos" are led by the officiant, and selecting the person responsible for that moment should not be taken lightly. And more and more couples are choosing loved ones for this meaningful duty over clergymen. "In the past few years, we've seen a big surge in the number of couples asking a friend or family member to officiate their wedding," San Francisco wedding planner Jubilee Lau of Jubilee Lau Events told us. "It seems as if the consensus for such a decision is to bring in another layer of personalization to the ceremony." If you're planning on having someone you know officiate your wedding, Jubilee shared five tips:

Dad Might Not Be Best
"Normally, we would advise couples to refrain from asking immediate family members, as sometimes they get too emotional to carry themselves well in front of all the guests," Jubilee notes. But if you or your spouse-to-be has a dad who can handle the responsibility without getting weepy, go for it. Jubilee said they had two weddings recently where the groom's father officiated and the ceremonies were a success.

Public Speaking Skills Matter
It's OK to be picky. This isn't a competition for who you're closest to, it's about who would do the best job. Jubilee adds, "We recommend that they invite someone who is normally a good public speaker (they should be eloquent and articulate), that they feel very comfortable with, and who would have the time and patience to work with them on the ceremony content."

It's More Than a Daylong Commitment
This leads us to Jubilee's next point: "A good officiant does more than just read a script." You need to find someone who's willing to put in the time and effort, not just expect to show up on the big day and say a few words. "He/she should be prepared to spend some time with the couple to understand the elements that they want to bring into the ceremony — religion, families, culture, traditions, etc. — and then help them to incorporate it well." No slackers allowed!

Pair Him/Her Up With a Pro
Chances are that the friend or family member you ultimately choose has little to zilch experience officiating a wedding, and you don't want to be babysitting him or her on what goes into the undertaking. Jubilee offers this solution: "What we've done before is to pair the friend/family member up with a professional officiant, who then helps to write the ceremony. That way, they can properly advise on the content, but the clients still get the benefit of having a close friend officiate on the day of." There may be a fee for the professional (around $300-$500), but it's probably worth it to avoid any major slip-ups.

"Short and Sweet" Doesn't Mean Generic
If you've ever sat through a rushed ceremony, you know that short isn't always better. It can result in everyone at the reception feeling like they're just attending a fancy party, not celebrating a personal, significant joining of two people vowing to spend the rest of their lives together. "Although many nonreligious couples opt for a 'short and sweet' nondenominational ceremony, we always remind them that it should still be meaningful and represent who they are," Jubilee notes. "After all, the ceremony is the core of the reason why everyone is there that day!"

— Additional reporting by Annie Scudder

We're happy to present this story from one of our favorite sites, The Knot. Stuck on what to give the brides- and grooms-to-be in your life? Here's some advice!

Whether it's for a cousin, coworker, or close friend, here are the only six tips you need to know about giving great wedding gifts.

Related: 10 Ways to Ruin a Wedding

Respect the Registry
Though your first instinct might be to go rogue (hey, everybody wants to be unique), we suggest thinking twice before shopping outside of the registry. Think of it as a (very long) letter to Santa. When you were a kid, were you hoping to be surprised? No way! You were hoping to get the things on your wish list. Well, that's exactly how the bride and groom feel about the list they spent hours putting together. Sure, if you're crazy-close with the bride or groom and have a great out-of-the-box idea you know they'll love, then by all means, go for it. Not positive? Better make friends with good-old Reg.

Related: 10 Wacky Wedding Cakes

Adjust Your Attitude
When it comes time to shop, it can be a bit difficult to get excited about buying, say . . . a toaster. But guess what? That's an item that's likely to get used every single day. The same goes for a place setting of flatware. Sexy? Not really. Sure to be appreciated? You bet. Take a second to think about the items you couldn't live without in your own home (think: your buttery-soft sheets, or that killer coffeemaker) and let that guide your gifting. Suddenly, buying a household basic will feel far less impersonal and, well . . . basic.

Related: Celebrity Engagement Ring Look-Alikes

Combine Forces
Wish your gift could make a bigger splash, but don't have the dough to make it happen solo? If you've got friends or family heading to the same wedding, consider going in on a registry dream item. Think big: A group of three or four guests could go in on a great grill — while a whole family could give something major, like a refrigerator.

Related: 10 Most Outrageous Wedding Photos

Cash Is Cool
Wondering if it's proper to send moola as a present? Not only does it pass the etiquette smell test, but with more and more couples financing their own nuptials, it's bound to be met with smiles. Rule of thumb: Send a check in advance of the ceremony, so you won't have to worry about possible name changes.

Related: 12 Most Embarrassing Real Wedding Moments

Shop and Ship
These days, many brides and grooms tie the knot far from home, and the logistics of hauling back a big pile of loot after the wedding can be daunting (not to mention expensive). Do the couple-to-be a solid by having presents delivered directly to their residence (if they aren't already roomies, have it sent to the home of the bride). Ready for another hot tip? Provided the bride has registered there, most stores will wrap and ship the gift for you. Can you say painless?

Don't Dawdle
That one-year rule? We're not really feeling it. While etiquette once dictated that guests had a full year postwedding to gift the happy couple, the reality is, anything beyond six months is likely to seem rude. If you're slammed with multiple weddings this season and need to stagger your gift buying (is that your wallet we hear, begging for a time-out?), feel free to space out your purchases by a month or two. But we vote for giving a smaller, more affordable gift on time.

— Hallie Goodman

What do you get when you mix Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie, Comedy Central's Crank Yankers, and Dr. Drew's Loveline? Felt, a new show on Logo that uses puppets to act out real couples' sex therapy sessions and "homework" assignments. The show, which debuted last week and airs every Monday at 10 p.m. EDT, offers relationship realities most can relate to and even some decent advice. After screening the first two episodes, I caught up with Brent Zacky, the senior vice president of original programming and development for Logo. Based on what I saw and our conversation, here are four reasons to check out the show.

We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, YourTango. Find out why orgasms are so good for you.

Self-pleasure is rarely talked about, and female masturbation especially still makes people oddly uncomfortable. About 92 percent of women say they masturbate — so why aren't we talking about it? Solo sex can not only boost your emotional well-being and your sex life — it can also improve your health. In honor of National Masturbation Month, there's no better time to celebrate this.

See some of the incredible health benefits for your party of one.

Improves Sleep
No more counting sheep. Masturbation is actually a natural snooze sedative. Better (and way more exciting) than the rainforest sleep sounds on your iPod, self-pleasure produces endorphins — the essential chemicals that help ease pain, stress, relax and help you catch up on those zzz's.

Strengthens Muscles
Ready for a workout? Masturbation tones pelvic and anal muscles. Not only does having a stronger pelvic floor lead to better sex, it can also reduce a woman's chance of involuntary urine leakage, according to Planned Parenthood. Who knew?

For three more surprising benefits and info on how to win a Screaming O vibrator, head to YourTango: Who Knew Masturbation Was So Healthy? 5 Unbelievable Benefits.

Check out these other great stories from YourTango:

• Pillow Talk: 5 Simple Steps to a Sexier Bedroom
• 5 Dating Tips For Empowered Women
• Mobile Dating Apps: Do They Work?

You invite her to every event, you call regularly, and somehow, your friend always has an excuse — sound familiar? When a friend repeatedly flakes out on plans, forgets to check in, or fades into her own world, it's hard not to get upset and take it personally. If the relationship is important to you, though, don't dismiss the friendship altogether. Instead, follow these four steps to put your shaky friendship back on track:

1. Consider her perspective. Everybody has to bail on plans sometimes, but take a step back to acknowledge where your friend is coming from. Is she extra busy at work? In a new relationship? Has she been turning away from other people, too, or does it seem like it's just you? Put yourself in her shoes to see what may be going on — whether it's about you, your friendship, or a separate issue she's dealing with on her own.
2. Be persistent. Just because she can't make it to one or two events, that doesn't mean you should write off your friend altogether. Give your friendship a shot and regularly invite her to hang out, even if it feels like she's never available. She'll appreciate the effort, and you may find out that her flaky behavior is just a phase.
3. Check in with her. She won't be able to step up her friendship game if she doesn't know there's a problem in the first place. Next time she ducks out of plans at the last minute, ask her if everything's OK. Even if she gets defensive, it's worth reaching out to be sure there's not a deeper issue.
4. Know what works for you. Every friendship is different, and it's up to you to decide what kind of relationship you'd like to have with her. If you're running out of patience and can't keep putting in effort when it's not reciprocated, take a temporary step back. There's no need to create black-and-white boundaries — let your friendship live in the gray area for a while, and sooner or later, she may just come around.