Puberty

Not sure how to talk about sex with your child? Many moms recommend using a book to help explain how babies are made in an age-appropriate way. As Circle of Moms member Christina H. relays: "It gives us a starting point for the conversation and helps my husband and I tailor our answers to our son's level of understanding." No matter what age your child is, there are kid-friendly books out there that can help you explain the birds and the bees. Here, we've rounded up seven suggestions from real moms, starting with books for kids as young as 5 years old and moving up through the teen years. Keep reading to see their picks.

Circle of Moms member Jaime still thinks of her 8-year-old daughter as a little girl. But now she has started to develop breasts, and Jaime wonders when she should have "The Talk" with her about puberty, getting her period, and sex in general. She's not alone. The increasingly common early arrival of puberty often leaves parents surprised and concerned. If you think your child is starting to go through puberty early, here are answers to the three concerns most frequently raised on Circle of Moms.

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With some girls starting their period as young as 9, moms need to start having the period conversation early. But it can be an awkward subject to discuss, let alone just bring up out of the blue! Here's some advice from Circle of Moms members on how to start talking to and preparing your daughter for her period.

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Puberty can be a nerve-wracking time for parents and their children. Not only are there physical and emotional changes, but moms and dads also must decide when it's the right time to start taking daughters to the gynecologist.

Two Circle of Moms members, both named Shannon, are seeking input from more experienced mothers. "My 13-year-old has had her monthly since she was nine, and every mood swing came along with it. Now we have hit a point where most of her friends have had sex, and when I get online and just sit and read some of the problems a lot of moms are facing, it leaves me with the same question every time: 'Do I need to take her to see my gynecologist?'" asks one of them.

The other Shannon shares that her teenaged sister-in-law came to her for advice, asking to be taken to a gynecologist because she has been having irregular periods and cramps. "Her mother thinks she is too young to go to the OB/GYN and won’t let her go. Is this wrong?" Shannon asks.

We've outlined the four times when Circle of Moms generally agree you should take your teen/tween to the gynecologist

1. To Address Certain Types of Symptoms or Problems

A gynecologist specializes in the health of the female reproductive system. Generally, most Circle of Moms members believe girls don’t need to go to this specialist at an early age if she is healthy and not sexually active.

However, if your daughter is having problems like recurring yeast infections, discharge, cysts or bad cramps, then taking her to an expert is warranted, says a mom who goes by the initials JL R. "If my kid had recurring ear, nose or throat issues, I would insist on an ear, nose and throat doctor. If they had heart problems, I would want a cardiologist. So if she is having vajayjay problems, then we are off to the gyno," she shares.

Cassie C. agrees: "A gynecologist has had specialized training in dealing with female issues and would be better suited to helping the child [than a pediatrician]."

For example, Ortiz E. took her 13-year-old to an OB/GYN because she had very heavy periods with clots that lasted for nine days, plus headaches and pain. “The doctor ran some tests and temporarily put her on birth control to regulate the blood flow, she says.

Wendy B. also took her daughter to the OB/GYN as a teenager, to find out why she hadn’t yet had her period at age 16. "[We found] out that her cervix was completely closed off so she couldn’t get a period." She also had a cyst on her ovary and needed surgery.

Cassie C. adds a moderating note, that even if your child starts having her period at age nine, unless there are problems you don't need to take her to a specialist. "I had my first appointment with a gynecologist at age 19, a few months before my wedding. I had not had sex before that and it was not necessary for me."

2. As Soon as She's Sexually Active

Once your daughter is sexually active — or when you suspect she will be soon— it's a good idea to go to the gynecologist to talk about diseases and birth control, says Ann B. "While we all want our kids to wait, I also am smart enough to know it’s probably unrealistic," she says.

The gynecologist prescribed birth control to Ann’s daughter starting at age 17 because her premenstrual syndrome was causing her to miss several days of school every month, and also because Ann suspected she was sexually active after dating the same boy for five months.

"I believe taking your child to the gyno for regular visits should start when they become sexually active, whatever age that may be," agree moms Rosie P. and Sara B.

"If a girl is grown up enough to ask to go to the OB/GYN [or ask for  birth control], then they're old enough to go!" adds Samantha D.

3. To Benefit from a Doctor's Advice

Keep in mind, however, that moms might need to guess when their daughters become sexually active. If that’s the case, then it might be best to start going to the gynecologist early so that your daughter learns about preventive measures from another source, and has a doctor to trust and confide in when the time comes, says Carmen J.

"In this day and age, no matter how you have reared a child, you need to be realistic. There is always the possibility of teenage pregnancy," she says. "Being honest and open is what will help most now as our teens age, [but] you may not know when your child becomes sexually active, despite open communication."

Heather agrees: "Our teens need to hear the talk not just from home and school. If we get them used to being able to discuss things with doctors, etc., surely it must benefit them in the long run."

Going to the gynecologist doesn't mean your daughter needs a pelvic exam, says a member named Kimberly. She took her daughters to the OB/GYN when they turned 15 and made sure that the doctor knew that they weren't sexually active. The doctors respected her request to not perform vaginal exams, but advised them on how to deal with cramps. "[Your daughter] doesn’t have to have the exam if she isn't ready for it, and if [you see] a good doctor, they won't want her to until she becomes sexually active," says Kimberly.

Mindy agrees, saying she started taking her daughter to the gynecologist annually at age 13, although she still isn't sexually active. "That way she is comfortable with my doctor before she has to have a pap smear or anything like that. She is not sexually active yet, but I wanted her to be comfortable with a female doctor in case there are questions or comments she feels like she can't talk to me about. When the time comes that she is sexually active, she will be as safe and educated," she explains.

4. Before She Leaves Home

If your daughter isn't sexually active, nor is experiencing any problems, then Circle of Moms members say a visit to the gynecologist can wait until your child is about 18 (or ready to go to college or leave the nest). At that age, your daughter is an adult, and more than likely not seeing her pediatrician any more. At this stage, getting into the habit of going to the gynecologist annually for a checkup is a good idea — even if she’s not sexually active.

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Secrets can end a marriage, so it’s no wonder that partners in committed relationships try to avoid withholding information from each other. But what happens when your child says, "Please don’t tell dad"? Are there circumstances in which it's acceptable for a mom to keep a secret from her spouse — even in a family with a "no secrets" policy?

The kinds of secrets kids confide can range from minor misdeeds and embarrassments to wanting a tattoo or birth control, and many Circle of Moms members argue that it's the nature of the particular secret rather than a blanket policy that should determine whether or not to honor your child's plea. Here are three common situations in which moms say they would in fact keep their child's secret — even from their partners.

1. The Secret is Minor

Moms may feel obligated to share their child’s secrets with dad if the information is immoral, illegal or dangerous,  "but some things are so minor they aren't even worth mentioning," says a member named Jodi.

For example, if one of her children misbehaved earlier in the day, she doesn’t feel a need to specifically tell her spouse about it because she dealt with it when it needed to be addressed, and it's over and done with. Jodi also says she keeps secrets from her husband — despite having generally open communication in her family — if the secret is about a gift the children bought for him. Of course, that means there’s a lot of secrets around her household at Christmas time.

Candi H. adds that there’s no need to disclose something as trivial as breaking a dish. What guides her decision-making is whether the secret is life-changing. If it’s not, she reasons that it’s okay to keep her child’s secret from her spouse — not because she thinks such incidents are none of his business, but because she thinks that he doesn’t care.

2. The Secret is Embarrassing to Your Child

Moms say they will also keep certain kinds of secrets from spouses when their child seems embarrassed to share that information with her father herself. These include secrets about an adolescent daughter's social drama or her physical development — topics that some dads do not deal well with, says Michele D.

For example, says, Candi H., daughters may ask moms to keep secrets about experiences like a fight with a friend, a first kiss, or finding a boy cute. And Amy K., a mom who says she otherwise prefers not to keep secrets from her spouse, will do so for menstrual mishaps: "If my daughter bleeds through her pants or something and says 'don't tell Dad,' [it's] fine." Her husband doesn’t really need — or want — to know about this realm.

Similarly, moms Fiona M. and Amber N. say it's fine to keep a younger child's secret about wetting her pants or doing something else embarrassing at school, like falling.

3. You Want to Build Your Child's Trust

Moms also tend to agree that it’s important to keep your child’s secrets so that she learns to confide in you and feel confident that you won’t betray her trust. Candi and Karen K., who both have young daughters, take any confidences very seriously because they want their daughters to continue to confide in them as they get older and the secrets become more critical.

"I know school drama will become more intense as she gets older, and I want her to still come to me. That’s why I listen to all the elementary drama now," Candi explains.

Anika is yet another mom who is comfortable keeping a secret to build trust. "I'd rather my child trusted me enough to always confide in me than to keep to herself serious issues where I could have helped," she says.

After all, as Cyndel J. shares, it's horrible when a child confides in a parent and they spill the beans: "I stopped telling [my mom] or dad anything right when I needed them most because I didn't want the whole church knowing what was going on," she says. She now believes it’s fine to keep small things secret from her husband.

When You Can't Keep a Secret

Moms generally are in agreement that secrets about sex and illegal or dangerous actions should be shared with your spouse. They also say you should be upfront with your children that secrets of this nature will not be kept. Alternatively, says a mom named Rebecca, try to get your child's buy-in on telling the other parent.

If a child thinks that dad is likely to disapprove, she might be confiding in you first to shore up support: "Sometimes kids go to one parent with something serious knowing the other parent will find out and have time to calm down before discussing it with the child," says Candi H. In cases like this, where you are the trusted parent, reassure your child that she can trust the other parent too, and that his advice is important, Karen B. adds.

"The most important thing is to be honest with your child," says Amber N. "If you tell them that you're keeping their secret, keep it. If you can't keep it, then you need to tell them that before you talk to the other parent."

When in doubt, advises Shelly B., "Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and ask the question, 'Is this something I would want him to tell me?' You need to ask yourself as a spouse, not as a mom, because you will have different answers from different perspectives."

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Has your formerly easy-going kid turned into Jekyll and Hyde? Circle of Moms member Nicole H. describes it well: "...from angel to demon in 3 seconds flat!... We understand it's partly hormonal but wonder if there is more going on."

From highs to lows in no seconds flat, your teen’s mood swings can make it seem like you’re talking to a different person from one minute to the next. Here's how moms in our communities suggest dealing with moody kids.

1. Acknowledge the Role of Hormones

It's likely that hormonal changes are at least partly to blame for your adolescent's moodiness and irritability. You can't slow that wild ride, but you can ease it by teaching your child what's happening to her body and how to recognize the impact of those hormonal shifts.

Shanna M. has two daughters, 11 and 13, and she's found that this kind of recognition helped them a lot: "We talk a lot about why they are having the mood swings, and trying to teach them to recognize that the reason is hormonal has really helped them learn how to control it. The more they are able to learn about how their bodies deal with things, the easier it has gotten."

2. Give Them Space

Teens can sling some pretty bad energy at anyone in their path when the mood strikes. What can you do to curb the onslaught of emotions? One strategy that worked for Mary R. was to give her daughters "download days"; when they were emotional she allowed them to be alone so they could work through it rather than take it out on everyone around them: "it is important to spend time alone and relaxing through whatever comes up... tears, anger, etc., and not to dump them on other people where the energy just gets focused right back to you."

Michelle M. also recommends giving your child ways to reflect and deal with intense emotions, away from siblings. Not only does she tell her daughter — nicely — that she needs to calm down and go to her room when her emotions get heated ("I don't allow her siblings to bother her and if she needs to lock the door I let her lock it."), she encourages her to write about what she's feeling and going through: "If she doesn't already have a journal or diary then I would recommend getting one." 

3. Use The Good Times To Your Advantage

Can you successfully reason with an emotional, moody teenager? Not likely. As Circle Of Moms member Marjorie M. points out, one good thing about mood 'swings' is that they do swing: "A swing goes back and forth so at one point she will be in a good mood and another time a not-so-good mood. Sometimes you can handle things better when she is in a good mood time and talk about her actions etc. when she is in a more reasonable state of mind."

If you can wait it out, a talk will be more helpful once things have calmed down. Marjorie goes on to share how she helped her girls with coping techniques: "If she thinks she has figured it out she will be more apt to handle her moods in a more self controlled manner... Respect her intelligence and respect her right to feel sad, angry, crabby. What do you do when you feel moody?  Teach her some of your coping tools.  Moods are feelings.  The real problems are when the feelings become actions. Teach her to control her actions with her intelligence, not her moods. Be an example in this."

4. Encourage Healthy Habits

Hormones aren't the only physical contributor to psychological mood swings. Emotions tend to get worse, for anyone, when you are fatigued or eating poorly, so helping your teen take good care of her body can help ease moodiness. As Andrea C. explains, "You need to make sure your daughter is getting enough fruit, vegetables and nuts, [plus] plenty of water and sleep."

5. Let Another Adult Help

If you're having trouble communicating with your teen about her irritable behavior, don't be surprised. Kids often don't want to listen to or talk to mom about sensitive or personal topics like puberty. Laura C. found that her teen liked "sounding off" to a trusted adult who was not her mother. She recommends enlisting the ears and shoulders of aunts or other adult family members: "time out with other adult [females] who have the same values as you is a good thing... because [teens] never really listen to their parents."

6. Get Professional Help

Moms are unanimous on this point: if a teen is self-harming or harming others, a parent needs to get help, and right away. "When we run into a problem that we can't deal/help with we see our family counselor. I think every family should have one," says Angela C. in response to a mom whose 13-year-old daughter's moodiness is getting worse and worse, adding, "Take suicide attempts and temper tantrums very seriously... it sounds like she is crying out for help. Definitely take your daughter to a counselor, she needs to talk to someone other than you. It is our job as parents to observe and protect our children. That never stops, no matter the age of the child."

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The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.

Most of us can recall how difficult and confusing puberty was, and especially the end of that transitory time: getting your first period. But can you imagine going through that awkward process in first grade? For a growing number of today's young girls, this is a reality. A recent New York Times piece explores "precocious puberty," a term being used for the growing percentage of girls entering puberty by age 7.

Typically, the stages of puberty for girls begin with breast growth, followed by pubic hair growth, and then ending with a first period. What researchers are finding is that breast growth is beginning earlier and earlier, but the first period average is staying pretty consistent at 12 years old. While possible factors for this precocious puberty include obesity, environmental toxins, and stress, it is interesting that the percentages vary so much by race. These early bloomers — or girls developing breasts by 7 — made up of 23 percent of black girls, 15 percent of Hispanic girls, 10 percent of white girls, and 2 percent of Asian girls. The cause of this disparity hasn't yet been fully explored. Is it genetics? Are there environmental issues to be taken into account?

Clearly, there's a lot more research to be done, as it seems like there are more questions than answers when it comes to what causes precocious puberty, its long-term effects, and whether it should be treated as a disorder. There are risks associated with early periods, such as depression, stunted growth, and breast cancer, but when it comes to psychological issues, it's a gray area. Is it easier for a young girl entering puberty to be treated as if there's something wrong with her, taking medications to halt puberty until she can better deal with it? Or is it better for her parents to treat it as "normal," and help her cope with the changes? And what happens when a 10-year-old girl has the brain of a fifth grader and the body of a high schooler?

Were you a late or early bloomer? Share your puberty stories — for better or worse — in the comments.