Pornography

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I am so embarrassed to talk about this with my friends, so I am posting it here, especially cause all my friends know and love my BF and I don't want their opinion of him to change.

Anyways, I am 26 and have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for a year. He is kind, caring, and makes me laugh 'till my stomach hurts. We are very much in love, and he still gives me butterflies! I love his family, and I am actually hoping to marry him.

Here's the issue: I knew that he was always into girls and stuff (duh) but that he looks at porn and such. I do, I know all guys do. But now I'm discovering the extent of the porn he is looking at, and the way he talks to girls and stuff that has me a little concerned. I went through his Facebook when we started dating (I know, my fault; I'm terrible) and saw that he was chatting up girls and asking for pics of their boobs and stuff. (Some he knew, some he didn't.) I confronted him, he apologized and doesn't do it anymore. (I trust him; I know he's not doing it — I check up on him.)

But before we were dating there are tons of messages to girls asking to see their boobs and such — and that makes me think he's a scumbag. I have plenty of male friends who don't talk to me that way, and that's the way he was talking to his "friends," some girls that he even hangs out with currently (like his sister's friends, etc.), so it makes me uncomfortable. So yeah, I guess he still needs to get his fix on, so I noticed that he created a Twitter and is following around 200 women on there who post naked pics and such. He also goes on Tumblr from his home computer and looks up naked pics, stripping videos, etc.

We have a very active sex life — and I am very much into sex — I wear the lingerie, heels, etc. I don't care that he looks at porn, but I feel that he is a little excessive. He sits around on his phone on Twitter looking at those sites, and then sits on his home computer and looks at them. I dunno, it just makes me feel inferior.

Another example is that we got into a little tiff cause he loves tan lines on women, he tells me all the time, and he has recently Tweeted about how much he loves tan lines. He thinks I should get some, but I had a basal cell removed, so I am content with staying pasty white and never having a tan again, so I do not have to go through surgery again (I also believe tan lines are insanely trashy) and I feel that he wants me to have them. Also, if we are out he kind of ogles girls in passing, and it just irks me because (I hate to be vain), but I'm very attractive (I've had plenty of guys tell me I'm a 10 and my girlfriends say that I'm a 10 and he's more like a 5). It's not the looks I care about, but if I am so "attractive" then why does he have to constantly look at pics of other girls ALL THE TIME?

Will he ever grow out of this? I haven't said anything to him for fear of just looking like an insecure asshole, but part of me wants to say, "WTF?! Slow down!" Like I said, it's OK if it's every once in a while, but when I use his computer it's ALL over the place. I don't know. I just needed to vent. Does anyone understand where I'm coming from?

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Parents beware! Danger may be lurking at your local public library. SafeLibraries.org tells the LA Times that libraries aren't doing enough to protect kids from inadvertently viewing pornography.

The paper reports on an incident from last December at an LA library. As kids waited in line to check out books, one patron watched pornography on a computer within sight. An uproar ensued, but city officials say the First Amendment grants patrons a right to access most porn on public computers.

Technically, libraries can install porn filters, but they must remove them if a patron asks for a site to be unblocked. Some cash-strapped libraries, unfortunately, can't afford the blocking software, so they've taken a low-tech approach: isolating computers so bystanders can't see the screens. I hope they don't give library porn watchers too much privacy, though!

Playboy, or its fans, can get defensive about its lowbrow image. This 1985 issue even got the women of Mensa to pose nude. You would think today's revelation that there's an audio version for the blind would bolster the argument that people do enjoy the magazine for the articles. But Suzi Hanks, who records the issues for the nonprofit Taping for The Blind, spends lots of time describing the girls. "She has a very large grin on her face, pink lipstick. She has a small tattoo right over the small of her back over the dimple area that appears to be maybe some sort of tribal design." Might this sexy rendition catch on with people who still have their sight?

Source: Flickr User egenerica

Twenty percent of men and 13 percent of women say they've viewed online porn . . . at work! And of all the websites out there, 12 percent are pornographic. Clearly the Internet loves porn, but can a feminist?

At least one group would like to end the obsession and they're holding an anti-porn conference next week in Boston. The anti-porn camp believes that porn culture degrades and humiliates women by reducing them to sexual objects. But not all feminists agree. Sex columnist Violet Blue has countered the crew with her website Our Porn, Our Selves. In her pro-porn principles, Violet Blue explains that she and her supporters "declare ourselves as adult women capable of making our own choices about our bodies and enjoyment of explicit visual stimulation for our sexual health and well-being."

Based on the demand of porn, I think it's safe to say it's not going anywhere. And if women (or men) want to enjoy porn as part of their sexuality, they should have that choice. In fact one in three porn viewers are women. Still it's true that as a result of the porn industry, women are exploited — either in the making of it or because some of it contributes to sexual objectification that pervades society. Maybe feminists who identify as either pro or anti-porn can work together to stop that.

If you're curious about porn or erotica, check out our resident sexpert Charlie Glickman's advice for beginners.

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Last week a reader asked for porn suggestions for first-time viewers, and he broke down the four types of porn for us. Now he's got tips on what to expect and how to find more of what you like.

• The fast-forward button is your friend! You don't have to watch scenes that don't work for you, although I suggest giving them a good try.
• When you find a scene that you like, try to figure out what made it hot. Was it the performers? The sex acts? The production values? That'll help you find something else that you'll enjoy next time.
• Remember that these are paid performers who do this a lot and the sex probably won't look like real-life sex. They'll be in strange positions (for the convenience of the camera), they won't use lube, and the scenes tend to follow a predictable formula.
• Just because you like watching something doesn't mean you have to try it or be interested in doing it. But if you do want to give something a try after seeing it in porn, get a little know-how first. Anal sex, deep throat blow jobs, spanking or bondage can look hot on the screen, but there are some important safety tips and helpful techniques that can make all the difference. Here are some good places to look for some of that info.

Enjoy!