This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community.
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!
I am so embarrassed to talk about this with my friends, so I am posting it here, especially cause all my friends know and love my BF and I don't want their opinion of him to change.
Anyways, I am 26 and have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for a year. He is kind, caring, and makes me laugh 'till my stomach hurts. We are very much in love, and he still gives me butterflies! I love his family, and I am actually hoping to marry him.
Here's the issue: I knew that he was always into girls and stuff (duh) but that he looks at porn and such. I do, I know all guys do. But now I'm discovering the extent of the porn he is looking at, and the way he talks to girls and stuff that has me a little concerned. I went through his Facebook when we started dating (I know, my fault; I'm terrible) and saw that he was chatting up girls and asking for pics of their boobs and stuff. (Some he knew, some he didn't.) I confronted him, he apologized and doesn't do it anymore. (I trust him; I know he's not doing it — I check up on him.)
But before we were dating there are tons of messages to girls asking to see their boobs and such — and that makes me think he's a scumbag. I have plenty of male friends who don't talk to me that way, and that's the way he was talking to his "friends," some girls that he even hangs out with currently (like his sister's friends, etc.), so it makes me uncomfortable. So yeah, I guess he still needs to get his fix on, so I noticed that he created a Twitter and is following around 200 women on there who post naked pics and such. He also goes on Tumblr from his home computer and looks up naked pics, stripping videos, etc.
We have a very active sex life — and I am very much into sex — I wear the lingerie, heels, etc. I don't care that he looks at porn, but I feel that he is a little excessive. He sits around on his phone on Twitter looking at those sites, and then sits on his home computer and looks at them. I dunno, it just makes me feel inferior.
Another example is that we got into a little tiff cause he loves tan lines on women, he tells me all the time, and he has recently Tweeted about how much he loves tan lines. He thinks I should get some, but I had a basal cell removed, so I am content with staying pasty white and never having a tan again, so I do not have to go through surgery again (I also believe tan lines are insanely trashy) and I feel that he wants me to have them. Also, if we are out he kind of ogles girls in passing, and it just irks me because (I hate to be vain), but I'm very attractive (I've had plenty of guys tell me I'm a 10 and my girlfriends say that I'm a 10 and he's more like a 5). It's not the looks I care about, but if I am so "attractive" then why does he have to constantly look at pics of other girls ALL THE TIME?
Will he ever grow out of this? I haven't said anything to him for fear of just looking like an insecure asshole, but part of me wants to say, "WTF?! Slow down!" Like I said, it's OK if it's every once in a while, but when I use his computer it's ALL over the place. I don't know. I just needed to vent. Does anyone understand where I'm coming from?
Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.