Messy

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years and living together for the past two. From what he has told me, he grew up in a house that was a disaster, which became a way of life for him. There were dishes and clothes everywhere and dirt all over the house — nobody cared to clean and he grew comfortable with that.

I, on the other hand, come from a family of neat freaks. I grew up vacuuming and dusting nearly every single day. My mom was very strict about how we kept our bedrooms and as a young adult, I adopted some habits of my mother's compulsive cleanliness. I'm by no means as harsh as she was but I like the common areas of our apartment to be clean. I like when trash goes in the trash can, paperwork is on the table (not the floor), and food isn't spread all over the countertops.

My boyfriend and I have had numerous, calm discussions about keeping things clean and he's agreed to help, but that hasn't happened. I find myself frustrated to the point where I end up throwing a fit about his disgusting living habits. I am at the point where I'm about to move out. I'm tired of acting like a slave and feeling unappreciated for keeping things tidy. What should I do? I still want to live with him because I love him, but I'm tired of being the maid!

— Clean and Tidy Cate

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When it comes to making a massive mess, these kiddos aren't playing around. When they get dirty, they go big. The beds, the carpet, the walls, their siblings — nothing and no one is off limits. Even Mommy's last nerve gets trampled on. Don't hate; it's how they roll.

Dear Sugar--

I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years now and we've been living together for a year and a half. The things is that we always have those kinds of arguments that people have when they live together - about things he's left around the house, about the bathroom being messy, and about him not helping with the dishes, etc.

Yesterday he told me that he wanted to get his own place for a while since we're always arguing about household stuff. He wants to see if things improve in our relationship. I know that he is certainly not thinking about breaking up with me, but I feel bad about him moving out. I'll miss him, and I like sharing our home. On the other hand, I think that I should let him go so he can miss me and not take me for granted.

What should I do? Let him go for a month or two, or insist he stay??

-Loving Living Together Laura

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Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we just moved in together. We get along perfectly, except I am messy and he is super neat. It's driving me crazy because I always feel like he is nagging me to clean up, and we keep getting into fights about it. He says that we are adults and a messy house is unacceptable. He also said that being messy is a character flaw!

When we both get home from work he tells me to do the dishes, vacuum the carpet and mop the kitchen floor. I know I tend to be messier, but it shouldn't be my job to clean up the entire house. I told him "the 1950's called and they want their idea back!"

I've tried talking to him calmly about this, but every time I do, he says that since I make most of the mess, I should be the one to clean the house. Sure I leave my clothes and other things around, but he's acting like I run around making messes all over the house. I'm not the only one who uses the dishes and tracks mud on the kitchen floor! I'm just shocked that he's being like this. Any suggestions?

-- Messy Melissa

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