Has the word “energy” disappeared from your vocabulary? Whether you have infants, toddlers, or school-age children, keeping up with the kids on limited sleep can be seriously exhausting. To kiss that constantly drained feeling goodbye, give these six energy-boosting strategies recommended by Circle of Moms members a whirl.
Watching your teen son or daughter go through a breakup is a heart-wrenching experience for a parent, as mom-of-two Tammy shares on Cirlce of Moms. Parents can feel powerless to help kids put their emotions into perspective and channel their feelings into positive growth. In these situations, as with most, understanding the science of what is going on in the adolescent body can help guide teens and their parents through a difficult time. Share these notes with your teen and engage in a conversation about how they’re feeling in this moment, and what they need from you.
A Note to Teens on Healthy Relationships and Love
Pheromones will clue you in that this is a person you are attracted to, but it can be hard to tell the difference from being “in lust” versus “in love.” Do you have anything in common? Anything to talk about? Or is it pure animal attraction? When you are in love, you feel at your best with the object of your affection; you feel that you can be yourself (not pretend to be someone you aren’t) and be valued for it. A “soul mate” is someone with whom it’s safe to be vulnerable; you can share your feelings and intimate thoughts without fear of ridicule or betrayal. It is someone you trust, someone who will treat you with respect all the time, not just some of the time. If some of these things are true but not all, you may be in lust, or even in love with the wrong person. Look further for the right person.
Red flags of an abusive relationship include irrational and jealous accusations, stalking behavior, threats of violence—basically, one partner exerting control over another through direct or indirect threats. Healthy relationships are ones of mutual respect. Unfortunately, many young people stay in abusive relationships because they fear being abused, think the partner will change, or even because they think they’ll never find anyone else. We know it can be difficult, but part of growing up is learning how to set boundaries.
A Note to Teens on Depression
What we really want you to be aware of is the difference between normal mood swings and some serious problems like depression. All of our emotions are really the effect of various neurotransmitters that travel in our brains. Feeling happy about winning the Irish step dance competition? It’s chemistry. Feeling sad that your family pet died? It’s chemistry. Feeling like getting cozy with your lab partner? It really is chemistry. Nevertheless, you still have the power to influence these neurotransmitters’ effects on you, through what you eat, the ways you think, and the actions you take. For example, by using cognitive-behavioral therapy, you can train your brain to short circuit the flight-or-fight response when confronted with something that causes you excess anxiety, so that eventually you no longer respond that way. Or you can counteract an onslaught of feel-bad chemicals by doing something that releases an army of feel-good chemicals to overwhelm them, such as exercise. In some cases, no matter how hard you may try to convinceyourself to be happy, your brain may not cooperate—leaving you feeling depressed. In this case, you may need to take medication to correct an imbalance in your brain’s messengers, under a doctor’s supervision.
Biochemical depression is a disease no different than any other; it just happens to affect the brain, so you don’t look sick on the outside. People with severe depression tend to have higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol and lower levels of the feel good chemical serotonin, leading many to believe it reflects an abnormality in the functioning of hormones and neurotransmitters in the brain.
It’s good to know the signs and symptoms of depression, because if it’s something that you or a friend is struggling with, you or she doesn’t have to be stuck with it. People suffering from a mood disorder, especially depression, need the support of those who care about them, because often they’re too ill to seek professional help on their own.
A New York Times #1 best-selling author and host of The Dr. Oz Show, Mehmet C. Oz, M.D. is also professor and vice chairman of surgery at New York Presbyterian-Columbia University and the director of the Heart Institute. For more from Dr. Oz, check out You: The Owner's Manual for Teens, co-authored with Michael F. Roizen, M.D.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.
Are you the exact same person you were before you gave birth? Or have you found that you are fundamentally different? I think many of us would answer the latter. Having a child shifts your priorities around, often profoundly.
It's in my own changed attitude towards traveling where I find this shift to be the most obvious. Before my son was born, I traveled about once a month, sometimes for work and sometimes for pleasure. Travel was a big part of my identity, and my happiness. Now, the notion of travel is daunting. Recently though, my partner and I took our two-year-old to Italy for two weeks, and it was an entirely different trip from the kind I was used to. Instead of looking for great restaurants, we were always on the lookout for parks, local kids, and kid-friendly activities. By the end I wondered, "Am I no longer a real traveler?," where "traveler" really means "adventurer."
In some ways, I feel more adventurous than before. Traveling with a child presents all kinds of new challenges. Your activities are hemmed in by nap time and early bedtimes, and you have to work even harder to procure basics necessities in unfamiliar environments. During a day trip on this recent trip, for example, my son shattered his glass bottle on the ancient stone floor of a wine bar we were relaxing in. We were hours from our hotel, and felt pretty panicked, since the plan had been to time the long car ride back to coincide with his bottle so that he would be distracted and comforted. It was Sunday and only one pharmacy in town was open. We pored over the map, schlepped to find the street address, and spent more than $20 for a replacement bottle all so that we could leave town with a bottle in his hand. An adventure, to be sure.
A Shift in Ambition
But what does this story say about me? Clearly, my priorities have changed. In addition to my transformed relationship with travel, I am also less ambitious at work. Whereas I used to go above and beyond at work, I now want to fulfill only the minimum requirements so that I have more time to spend with my family. Does this make me less of a person? I would say that my ambition has simply shifted, and now my chief desires revolve around personal happiness rather than job status. (I also want to exercise more, find time to relax, and take better care of myself, both physically and spiritually.)
Many Circle of Moms members who feel dissatisfied with their jobs say that having a baby highlights those woes. The combination leads to a feeling of entrapment. Working mom Tamra P. shares that, "I hate my job, but don't have time to look for a new one, and I fear not being able to pay the bills while looking for a new job — so much stress!"
Other moms would rather stay at home with their kids, but can't afford to. Amanda N. says, "I want more than anything to be a stay-at-home mom for my daughter.... I feel like I am stuck where I am because of the economy."
Do What You Are Afraid To Do
Do you need a little self-reinvention, whether personal or professional? If the latter, what does that really mean?
In terms of self-discovery and reinvention, try to think about your ideal job, or your ideal use of your free time, in comparison to how these important aspects of your life play out now. This will allow you to make a concrete plan to pursue your truest, most positive goals, from scheduling a vacation to getting a job in a field that you are passionate about. A therapist, or even a good friend, can help just by listening. Often an outside lister can help you see yourself more clearly.
Stephanie B. has recently transitioned from running a daycare to teaching aerobics, and though it was a scary move, she is much happier than before. She offers advice from Ralph Waldo Emerson: Always do what you are afraid to do. Given my own paradigm shift, I second this notion!
Image Source: jessbezz via Flickr/Creative Commons
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.
This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!
I worry about my mental health, and it's been taking a toll on my relationship. Has anyone had to deal with depression while in a relationship? How did you cope? Or has anyone been on the other side and had a family member or significant other with depression/other mental health issues? How do you maintain your relationship and your sanity?
Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.
Did you know that the brain in utero can't recognize pain? Or that teaching your child a second language will help her brain grow larger? Here are some interesting facts about our brains:
A New York Times #1 best-selling author and host of The Dr. Oz Show, Mehmet C. Oz, M.D. is also professor and vice chairman of surgery at New York Presbyterian-Columbia University and the director of the Heart Institute. For more from Dr. Oz, check out You: Raising Your Child and You: Having a Baby, both co-authored with Michael F. Roizen, M.D.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.
"What do you do to take care of yourself?" asks mom of two Brenda D. recently in one of Circle of Mom's communities.
Part of kick-starting a healthy lifestyle lies in recognizing how important this is, in both little ways and big. If you think about your life and realize you’re not doing much of anything that you enjoy, or that you do simply because it feels good (and is good for you), it’s time to make some changes. Here are some tips for getting started.
1. Laugh a lot!
Did you know that laughing burns calories? You’re doing some major stuff with your diet and your exercise routine right now, and it’s hard work. But this doesn’t mean you have to be so serious all the time. Have some fun. Hang out with the friends who make you laugh. You know who they are—invite them over for dinner (a healthy dinner, of course) and let the funny stories flow.
2. Make Sleep a Priority
Commit to getting seven to eight hours of sleep every night. Chances are if you’ve been living a less-than-healthy lifestyle, one of the areas where you’ve been short-changing yourself is sleep. And sleep is incredibly important if you want to be healthy and look and feel good. Don’t underestimate its value! Studies show getting too little sleep can contribute to weight gain and stress; getting enough sleep can contribute to weight loss, improve the appearance of your skin (take a look in the mirror next time you get a good eight hours of shut-eye), and make you more likely to exercise.
3. Get a Facial
Treat yourself to a facial (or give yourself one at home), and ask the aesthetician for an analysis of your skin and its needs. I know, facials aren’t cheap. But we’re in kick-start mode, and since your face is the first thing everyone sees and notices about you, it’s time to treat it right. A good facial leaves you with clear pores and soft, perfectly moisturized skin. Bonus: It can feel amazing and be totally relaxing.
4. Go to the Dentist
Does this seem like a weird suggestion? Well, going to the dentist might not be fun, but one of the most important parts of how you look is your smile. When was the last time you went to the dentist for a cleaning? Don’t you remember how great your teeth feel afterward?
5. Stand Up Straight
You’re doing all this hard work, so learn how to show off your new body. For one thing, stand up straight. (See, Mom, I was listening.) Have you thought about your posture lately? I bet if you straightened your spine right now you’d be at least an inch taller. How you stand and how you hold yourself physically can make a huge difference in how you look.
Working mom Alison Sweeney is an award-winning actress and host of NBC's The Biggest Loser. For more fitness tips from Alison, check out The Mommy Diet, a month-to-month plan for a healthy body and mind before, during and after pregnancy.
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.
Guilty pleasures in the lives of moms? There should be no such thing. Why should anyone waste a single pang of regret because Sunday nights are held sacrosanct for Meri, Janelle and Christine, the three “Sister Wives” – and their 13 children? Ok, and I’ll admit it, even though I listen to NPR to and from work, I arrive home from the grocery store with a brown bag brimming with People, and the new month’s issues of all my favorite magazines. And, The Bachelor? The backstabbing, tawdry one-on-one dates and Brad’s buffoon date ideas (scaling a high rise), what’s not to love?
Is it so wrong for moms to have one (or a couple) guilty pleasures they can slither into for a mini break from the world of doing it all? Don’t we have enough to worry about — everything from our kid's potty training readiness to his grades, her athletic prowess to her SAT scores? Here’s a list of five things Circle of Moms community members say they do to check out for a wee bit from mommydom:
1. Taking a Vacation (Without the Whole Family)
When Circle of Moms Kenya B. a member of the Circle of Moms Single Moms community is headed out of town for a mini-vacation, she writes that she feels guilty "leaving my babies, but I need a vacation.”
Other moms assure her to leave the guilt behind:
“Leave them with family if you can,” says Charissa B. “Just think, "what a good opportunity for your kids to spend time with Grandmother, auntie, etc. I think the most important thing is for you to not feel guilty. Everyone needs a break sometimes.”
2. Escaping in Front of Reality TV
Amy G. writes that 19 Kids and Counting (the story of the Duggar family and their 19 kids) is her favorite escape. “I'm just mesmerized and stunned and amazed all at the same time.”
3. Sneaking a Snack
It’s okay not to crave broccoli and buy the Girl Scout Cookies “for the kids,” knowing who really is going to chow down on the Thin Mints. Sweet indulgences are good every now and then, says Brenna C.
Her favorite "guiltless pleasures? “Cheese cake.....watching the Biggest Loser and eating carbs."
4. Reading Not-So-Great Fiction
Yes, you can veer away from the bestseller list and dive into a scathingly scandalous novel, recommends Krystal P. Sometimes you need a feel-good book. “Romance novels,” she adds. “I love them.”
5. Creating a Guilty Pleasure Ritual
Whether it’s stocking up on chips and soaking up trashy TV or sneaking out to the gym, sometimes moms have to be purposeful about creating little pleasures and in not feeling guilty about them, says Jennifer M. in the humorously named Mental Health Issues Among Parents But Not the Children community. To ease the stress create time each day for one thing that helps you escape, then write it out for yourself, she recommends. "Write: 'I will do (fill in guilty pleasure).'
And remember: Enjoy, shamelessly.
Image Source: Frerieke via Flickr/Creative Commons
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.
Short, tight, sexy, edgy. That pretty much sums up Christophe Decarnin's wildly successful design mantra during his five-year stint as head designer for Balmain. His collections helped reinvent the Parisian fashion house, ushering in a period of glamorously sharp-edged dressing that was part rock 'n' roll, part futuristic, and all provocative.
Regardless of the brand's success, WWD's report of Decarnin's splitting with Balmain comes as little surprise after rumors of mental health problems when the designer, following doctor's orders, missed his Fall 2011 show. A successor has not yet been named, so in the meantime, we're honoring Decarnin's transformative work at Balmain with a look of his work over the years. Click to see how Decarnin changed Balmain and our feelings about sharp-shouldered jackets.
A victory was announced earlier this week for South Carolina mom Abbie Dorn, 34, who was severely brain damaged in 2006 during a delivery gone horribly wrong. Through the legal efforts of her parents, who care for her full time, Abbie now has the right to 5 days of visitation per year with her 4 year-old triplets, plus monthly video sessions through Skype.
According to the L.A. Now blog of the Los Angeles Times, L.A. Superior Court Judge Frederick Shaller ruled that while “there is no compelling evidence that the visitations by the children will have any benefit to Abbie," there is also “no compelling evidence that visitation with Abbie will be detrimental to the children."
Abbie can't move, talk, eat or drink, the result of oxygen deprivation during the triplets' birth four years ago. Her parents, Susan and Paul Cohen, have been battling their daughter's ex-husband Dan Dorn for the right to visitation for Abbie (he has full custody of the children and they live in Los Angeles).
Her parents say that in spite of her incapacity, "Abbie's there," and has learned to communicate using blinks of her eyes to indicate "yes" and "no." More importantly, they've argued, both Abbie and her kids will benefit from having contact. Her former husband (he divorced her after she became incapacitated) has claimed that contact with Abbie traumatizes the children.
Many commentators have pointed out that the Dorns' story raises questions about the rights of mentally incapacitated parents. But we also wonder about the rights of their children.
If you became mentally incapacitated, would you want your children to be spared the pain and difficulty of contact with you?
Image Source: Via CNN
In today’s stressed-out busy world, being a good mom sometimes means making a beeline for alone time. That’s easier said than done, as most of us well know. We're so busy trying to be everything we can for everyone else--our kids, our spouse, our employees and friends. But to preserve our own sanity, we need to carve out a little “me time."
I still have vivid memories (or nightmares) of treks to the local YMCA with my then two-year-old son Thomas, trying to sneak in some lap time in the pool while older sister Caitlin was in school. Showered, in my bathing suit and poised to dive in with my big toe testing the waters, the child care workers would come racing in holding a screaming toddler who had either fallen, been hit by another kid, or refused to give up the good separating-from-mom-tears battle. Finally, I just postponed my exercise time until a couple years later, when Thomas went to preschool.
Certainly it is challenging to find time for ourselves. A recent British study published in the Telegraph finds that moms averaged a sum total of 26 minutes a day for themselves. I’m assuming that includes shower time and our own potty breaks.
But as short as those escapes can be, we all know any sliver of time we can grasp each day for ourselves is crucial for our stress level and well-being.
To help moms make the most out of their less than one-half hour of alone time, we looked to Circle of Moms community members for 10 great tips on carving out some “me time.”
1. Get it on Outlook. “You have to schedule it," says Susannah R. in the Circle of Moms Single Moms Community. “Seriously, make out your weekly schedule and put in a couple hours for you."
2. Book a Babysitter. “Then find a trusted babysitter or trade with a friend,” adds Susannah R. She adds that she enjoys her own kids so much more when she's had the chance to recharge her batteries.
3. Maximize Sleep Time (Your Kid’s). Carve out time in the wee morning hours
before the kids get up or after they go to bed, recommends Tam B. a member of the Circle of Moms Single Moms Community.
4. Be Super Organized. Bonnie Jean S., a mom of four, says she squeezes in alone time in the early mornings by being super organized the night before, including packing lunches and backpacks, and laying out clothes for school.
5. Power Walk. If it’s impossible to squeeze in any time alone, bring the baby or young children along in a stroller, and take a good walk, says Marcy C. “I work full-time outside the house so when I get home it’s a mad rush to get dinner on the table, laundry folded etc." She says if her daughter then falls asleep in the stroller on a walk, she turns on her iPod and she adds: “I just go on a long walk. If you live near a coffee shop, swing by and grab a cup of coffee and make sure you bring a good book.”
6. Ask Your Partner to Help. Circle of Moms September W. suggests striking a deal with your spouse or partner to carve out “me time,” for each of you separately. “I suggest you sit down and tell him how much it would mean to you to have your regular 'me time' and pick a time that is convenient for both of you.”
7. Go Virtual. Ellen S. of the Circle of Moms Weight Loss Support Community recommends that moms who can’t make a break from the home front sign up for an online exercise program or stock up on videos. “Twenty minutes of exercise builds up fast,” she says.
8. Take Mini-Spa Moments. "If you can get a few minutes to yourself in the shower, that is some nice, relaxing time," says Sue G. "Whenever you can sneak in a few minutes for you it is good for your spiritual well being. Hot showers are very relaxing, so that's a healthy option."
9. Share “Me” Time. If you can’t escape alone, try the next best thing: bring your husband with you, advises Rachael S. of the Circle of Moms Aged 20/30 Community. “It's a good way to kill two birds with one stone,” says Rachel. “We get to spend time together and I can get to the gym.”
10. Don’t Feel Guilty, says Julianne Marie on the Circle of Moms Informed Moms Community “It’s not selfish time,” she adds. ”I much prefer the term ‘preventing insanity time.’ If you don't have time to yourself, you go crazy, every person needs wind down time. If I'm not happy and calm, I surely can't be the best mom I can be for I my family."
Image Source: RBerteig via Flickr/Creative Commons
The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of, and should not be attributed to, POPSUGAR.
