Infomercial

Call me a crazy (or clever) drunk, but couldn't this mode of "exercise" be achieved on a simple barstool? My unsolicited advice: Forget buying the overpriced lawn chair advertised below and stick to the pubs instead. You can sit on a stool for free and a cold, frothy means of hydration will be readily available in the mug right in front of you. Voila! I totally missed my calling as a life coach.

The perfect bod — what's exercise got to do with it? According to the folks in the following infomercial, the Slender Shaper is all anyone needs to achieve a flawless figure. Much like the Hawaii Chair, the Slender Shaper promises results without all the pain, hassle, and sweat of exercising. Mmmkay. Whoever knew that jiggling one's body fat was the quick fix way to get Tara's abs, Paris's butt, and Winehouse's legs? How convenient.

I want to believe this commercial. I want to get rock solid, six-pack abs in just five minutes a day. I want to sit back and take a "rocket ride" and get "awesome abs." The problem is that devices that target your midsection, like this one called the Ab Rocket, just won't do the trick. The commercial sounds too good to be true because, well, it is.

I'm not saying that you won't feel this in your upper, middle, and lower abs, but you can't get "the body you always wanted" by solely using this machine. Target toning doesn't melt away a flabby belly — only calorie burning exercise can help you do that. Once you get rid of excess pounds, it'll reveal an all around more toned body including a slimmer waistline, which is more than this silly fitness gadget could ever do.

Tempted to splurge on that magical device you saw on TV last night that promises to remove four inches off your midsection in just four minutes a day? As you know, I am not one for buying "As Seen on TV" products, but Consumer Reports did the dirty (and expensive) work for you to see what works, or more so, what doesn't. Here are highlights:

• Ab Lounge XL ($210). This mesh chair mimics the motion of a jackknife sit-up. The signature jackknife move engaged the target muscles, but for most tested muscle groups, it was not as tough as a full jackknife done on the floor. CR's take: Good range of motion, and can provide a good workout, but not a lot more useful than a floor mat.
• The Bean ($50). On average, results were similar to those with no equipment for this inflatable device that targets abdominal and oblique muscles. CR's take: It might strengthen abs, but the Bean alone won't get you lean.
• Urban Rebounder ($150). The intermediate workout on this mini trampoline for bouncing, aerobics, and running in place burned about as many calories as jogging at 5.6 mph. CR experts found the device easy to use and a nice change from typical aerobic exercise. CR's take: A good alternative to running, but more than the recommended 15 minutes is required to burn calories.
• Fluidity Bar ($200). The advanced workout on this floor-standing ballet bar with attached mat burned fewer calories than the no-equipment, circuit-training routine. CR's take: A pricey but potentially enjoyable alternative to strength training, plus stretching. But its heft could make it hard to store.

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The kids are screaming in the back seat, but you'd rather put a hammer to your head than listen to another kiddie song. What to do? Pull out Kids' Rock, the CD that couples kiddie song lyrics with adult tunes. "Old McPearl Jam Had a Farm," anyone? How about a little "B-I-N-G-Metallic-O"? And let's not forget "Welcome to McDonald's," the song that put Guns 'N Roses at the top of the (kiddie) charts. Listen up: