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Dear Sugar
I have been dating a man for the past 2 years who I want to marry. I am so deeply in love with him and I can't imagine my life without him, but the problem is that he has 3 children by women who he lives with and owns a house with. They live in separate rooms and he claims there is nothing but a platonic relationship between them. What should I do? Should I let my guard down and be with him - or should I dump him and move on? Stumped Shana

Dear Stumped Shana
Does he want to get married? Over the course of your 2 year courtship, has he even mentioned that he wants your relationship to grow to the next level? Does he want anymore children and is that alright with you? Also, if/when you get married, will you move into a home together that is separate from this woman? Are they living together for the kids or more for financial reasons? There are a lot of questions to be answered here. Have you ever considered the possibility that they have an open marriage and they are just keeping you in the dark or that your man is still married and is interested in polygamy? I think you should talk with him and get some of your questions answered before you make your decision. I know you love him deeply, but a future with this man could be extremely complicated. You will never come first and unless he's filthy rich, there will always be financial constraints. Ask yourself if you can really picture a happy life with this arrangement.

Dear Sugar
I got married in January and found out recently that we're expecting a baby. The bad news is that my husband is violent. He didn't show signs of violence before the wedding, but on our honeymoon he went drunk-crazy at the hotel and broke things which we ended up having to pay for. A few weeks later he actually hit me - hard. Both times he blamed it on alcohol so he stopped drinking. He hasn't hit me since then (I am guessing because I am pregnant) but he smashes things and screams at me constantly. Last night he got angry and threw his soda all over me. After I showered and cleaned up the mess I asked him to leave. I told him I'd had enough. He wouldn't leave and apologized repeatedly. I don't know what to do - he's hurt me and because of it, I don't love him the same way anymore...But, I'm pregnant. I think I should leave him but I'm not strong enough. I'm really confused. Desperate Housewife

Dear Desperate Housewife
I am so sorry. I think you should demand that he enter an anger management program and that he seek psychiatric assistance. You are going to be linked to this man forever because of your child, but can you handle living with him forever? It sounds like you want a better life and you feel like you should leave. I am not going to tell you what to do, but I will say that abusive men don't change for the better, they only get worse. The longer you are with an abuser, the more destructive he becomes and the harder it is to extricate yourself from the situation. You will only go through cycles of fighting followed by loving treatments - this is called traumatic bonding. Having a child with him will not stop him from abusing you and will only make your life in your house more stressful since you will worry about how his behavior will affect the child. Once you have kids, leaving only gets harder. You will be more dependent on him and if you threaten to leave he will most likely threaten you for custody. He will scare you into staying. Now that you've seen the early warning signs of abuse, my advice is not to wait and see what happens, but to act sooner than later.

Dear Sugar
My husband and I are very excited to have just moved into our new home. Though we are ecstatic to have a larger space, we are in desperate need of more furniture to fill the void. We have decided that we want a leather sofa and probably a chair and ottoman to match. Since you usually get what you pay for, we are focusing on form and function. To be honest we just want something that's comfortable and easy on the eyes. Do you have a favorite (specific brand or style) that you can vouch for? Thanks so much for your help! Homeowner Holly

Dear Homeowner Holly
Congratulations on your new home. If you are going to shop retail, try Roche Bobois or Maurice Villency. Both have fabulous leather couches and designs. Since you have an entire house to decorate - which is no trivial task - have you considered contacting an interior designer? They have the knowledge and the connections to find you the styles you are looking for at a designer discount price. Given, you'll have to pay them a fee, but since they offer you discounts, the costs happens to work out pretty evenly. So why not get more for your money by benefiting from the attention and professional insight of a decorator?

Dear Sugar
My roommate is super messy - she'll leave a dish in the sink forever until I clean it. Since I don't want to do her dirty dishes anymore, I leave mine in the sink too until they all pile up. I don't want to clean up her mess and since the place isn't great - I am not inspired to be neat myself. Untidy Tara

Dear Untidy Tara
Ever hear the expression 'two wrongs don't make a right?' Your pad sounds pretty narly if no one is cleaning it at all. Ew, you are only doing yourself a disservice by not cleaning it because no one will want to come over and hang out there. Set some ground rules and if that doesn't work, put a dirty sponge along with her gross dishes right in her bed! That should bring the mess to her attention.

Dear Sugar
I have been with my fiance for 3 years now, and we've been living together for the last 6 months. Lately I have started questioning whether he is really "the one". We started off our relationship as friends and after some time it progressed to a more intimate relationship. When we began dating I couldn't wait to spend time with him. We had great sex and had it often. I miss not only the frequency (maybe once every few months) but now sex feels like a chore. And more and more I can't wait to spend time away from him. I know our relationship is seriously lacking in communication. I try to talk to him to tell him how I feel but he goes on the defensive instead of listening and discussing what I say. I honestly do love him and can't imagine my life without him, but I'm confused about whether we really belong together? Estranged Estella

Dear Estranged Estella
Relationships take work. The most important thing is that you still love him and can't imagine not being together. In the past, I've talked about The Down Cycle and about Less Time In Bed Since We've Wed which is similar to the problem you are having regarding sex. But communication really is the most important factor in any relationship and it's probably what's disconnecting you from him and why your sex life is suffering. You've got to try your hardest to get him to open up - show him how much you love him and that you don't want to settle for this lame sex life any longer! Maybe your passion will resonate with him. If all else fails, going for a few sessions of couples counseling can give you important communication tools that will be helpful throughout your future marriage. You are doing the right thing by addressing your issues BEFORE the wedding.

Dear Sugar
I love my wife and think that she's the hottest woman in the world. Unfortunately, she's rather large and insecure about her body. I want her to wear sexy clothes, but she's too self conscious. It drives me crazy that she's so self conscious. I've told her that if I don't see the flaws in her, I don't think that she should either. How can I convince her of this? Despite Her Looks Donny

Dear Despite Her Looks Donny
For crying out loud leave the poor girl alone. It's great that you think so highly of her, but she's uncomfortable in her skin - so wearing a micro mini and heels with fat oozing out of her shoes is not going to help her at all. Be supportive and stop thinking of yourself. If you want to see her in something sexy, make her a candlelight dinner at home or take her to the gym.

Dear Sugar
My husband has lied to me on four occasions about buying marijuana. It is slowly making me second guess my relationship with him. I've told him plenty of times that he shouldn't lie to me about smoking or buying it. The last time he lied about buying pot I told him that I would leave him. This morning he lied about it again. Should I let this go or keep beating a dead horse? Angry Abigail

Dear Angry Abigail
One of the many problems here (aside from your husband's illegal drug problem) is that you've just made an empty threat. An empty threat is a promise that you haven't followed through on. He knows that you aren't going to leave him over marijuana so don't say that you are. Make the consequences real and make them about lying, not about the pot smoking. When he's lying to you he is; disrespecting you, your marriage and withholding information from you. Talk to him again about how this makes you feel. If he's going to do it, then he needs to tell you about it. Can you live with that or does it bother you so much that it will eventually drive you to leave? If that is the case, then he needs to decide which is more important to him. If you can live with him smoking, but just not lying then try to set some rules about it. Maybe he can smoke, but only before bed and only outside of the house. Also, discuss how much he can spend on it per month. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning drug use; I'm just offering negotiation tools.

Dear Sugar
I'd like to buy a home computer but I am not sure how to decide what kind to get. There are so many different choices; Laptops, Notebooks, Desktops, PCs, Mac, Sony, Gateway, Hewlett Packard, Dell etc . . . the list goes on and on. What are the important qualities to look for? Computer Geekette

Dear Computer Geekette
It completely depends on what your needs are. Is this going to be for business, leisure or both? What kinds of programs do you want to run? Macs have better graphic design features, laptops are great if you travel a lot or if you like to hang (and blog) at coffee shops and cafes, Sony makes a memory chip so your media center (digital camera, movie camera, TV) can all be interconnected and Desktops are more bulky but you can have a larger screen if you have eye problems or prefer to have a wireless mouse and a larger work space. A good place to start your computer search is at Personal Computer World or at Oxford University's Computer Service Buyers Guide . Do a little bit of research before you actually go into a store or make an online purchase.

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years and I love him more than anything, but our relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere. He only went to school for 1 semester and he hasn't worked in almost 3 years. For some reason, his parents still support him and he's 22. Every time I talk about how he needs to start working, he just brushes off what I say. He's never even tried to get a job. He stays ay my apartment often and doesn't offer to help pay for anything - not even my birth control pills. What should I do? Unconfident Cara

Dear Unconfident Cara
Your boyfriend sounds like a deadbeat and I think you should break up with him. You don't want to attach yourself to a guy like this. He's unmotivated, lazy and he's got a long way to go before he grows up. I am sure he's charming you and that's why you stay with him, but there's a lot more to a lasting relationship than charm. You are always going to be picking up the slack for a guy like this. And once his parents give him the boot, you'll become his caretaker. Ugh, how unattractive

Dear Sugar
My mother and father are 2 different religions. We celebrate both Passover and Easter but over the years I've identified more with my mother's religion. I met a man who is of the same faith as my mother (and I) and we are getting married. We plan on raising our children in this faith but I don't want to upset my father. Do you have any suggestions on how to talk to him about this? Struggling Samuel

Dear Struggling Samuel
At the time of marriage, it is both expected and accepted that families blend their traditions to develop a joint culture in their new household. Talk to your father and explain how you came to your religious decision with your fiancee. Ask him if there is something special that he would want celebrated or observed out of respect for him. Maybe you can all think of a way to honor him during holiday time.