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Dear Sugar,
I am a young, college student who is comfortable in her own skin. However, I seem to only be pursued by men that are much older than me. Guys my age just seem to look straight past me, while older men always show interest in me. I find this a little creepy and can't help but wonder if there's something wrong with me. I'm a pretty girl by most standards, in good shape, and wear the same clothes as other girls my age. Physically, there's no reason why a young guy shouldn't be looking at me. There just seems to be something about my aura that only attracts older men.
Admittedly, I'm usually attracted to guys a little but older than myself, and when I really like someone, it has always been reciprocal. I'm not worried that I'll never meet anyone, but it bothers me that younger guys don't seem to notice me. Is there something wrong with me, and if so, what should I change?
— Older Men Only Marissa
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Your friend begs you to come on a double date as her wingman with a guy she’s crushing on. You hesitantly agree, seeing as how you know nothing about the friend her date is bringing. When they meet you guys at the restaurant, you’re pleasantly surprised — the friend is a total looker — but then he speaks. Would it be worse if the guys is . . .
This: A total bore — his voice just drones on relentlessly? He’s nice as can be, but you’ve never been so bored talking to someone.
Or . . .
That: Completely arrogant and overly opinionated? You spend the entire night arguing with him about politics and relationships.
Whether it's dragging them to a strip club or making them feel guilty for not hanging out more, our boyfriends' buddies have a big reputation for being bad influences. We can feel certain that our boyfriends are the most honest and good-natured people, but put them in a room full of their guy friends and suddenly they’re one of the pack. Of course, it always depends on the guy and the friends, but do you trust your significant other when he’s with his friends?
I love a guy who likes to dance. There's something incredibly sexy and sensual about a man with rhythm. But whether he's a total goof or a hip-hop legend, if he's down to shake it on the dance floor then he's on his way to being perfect in my mind. So do you think a man that loves to dance is a complete turn on, too?
Less than a year ago I started casually dating a guy I met through a friend. We lived just over an hour apart, but when we were together we had a great time. We talked once a day and I saw potential, but we weren’t an exclusive couple. Two months ago he was in town visiting our mutual friend and myself, and as soon as I saw him I could tell that something wasn't right. He was acting very aloof and he’s normally quite affectionate.
As soon as we got a moment alone, I asked him what was wrong. He told me that he had started seeing another girl who lives closer. They weren’t serious yet, but he really liked her. Of course my feelings were hurt, but I told him that I understood and asked him to go stay with our friend for the night. He acted completely shocked and very upset that I wasn’t letting him stay the night with me and had the audacity to try to kiss me after giving a speech about making it work with the other girl!
Needless to say, I promptly kicked him out. We didn’t talk for a while, but he was here last weekend and we ended up spending a little time together. Nothing happened between us, but he told me that things hadn’t worked out with the other girl. He now calls me and tells me that he wants us to be together officially, but I still feel wounded that he chose someone else over me, and I’m having a difficult time trusting him since he put the moves on me when he was “with” her. Should I just get over all this stuff, write it off as mistakes, and forgive him?
When it comes to passing out the digits, women are picky, and rightly so. With some men, you can tell right off the bat that they aren’t good candidates while others appear innocent enough. Until a week later when they’ve called you four times and texted you twice — their promise to not give up until you go out with them seems more creepy than cute. We don't need more than one of those experiences to learn our lesson!
And yet, every once and a while, something clicks and we recite our actual numbers to a guy we barely know while he types it in his cell phone. So please ladies, do tell, what makes it click for you? What’s your criteria for handing out your number to a new guy?
I’m a sucker for soft-spoken guys, the ones that avert their gaze the moment you make contact only to catch their subtle glance later. I guess I just love their quick grin and silent smiles, or maybe I just like a little bit of a challenge! Whatever it is, I find shy guys a complete turn on. However, I can totally understand that what I find endearing, another girl might consider irritating. So which side do you fall on?
Dear Sugar,
Last Summer my boyfriend moved in with one of his friends. We are both very busy and usually see each other on the weekends. Most of the time I sleep at his place but things have been strange lately; it seems like my boyfriend's friend is jealous of the relationship we have. He constantly tags along and recently he has been making me feel really uncomfortable by pulling my boyfriend aside to talk to him when I am there or bringing up conversations while intentionally leaving me out of them.
I addressed my feelings with my boyfriend, and he feels that he is in an awkward spot between his girlfriend and his friend. He agrees that he's being rude but he won't make an effort to express that to him. Is it wrong to be angry at my boyfriend for his lack of support? Should I step in and address this problem myself? I just don't know what to do, but it's certainly wearing on our relationship.
— Pushed Aside Alyssa
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A weekend New York Times article is still on my mind. It alerted readers to the possibility of Gardasil — the much talked about HPV vaccine for the prevention of cervical cancer — being administered to young boys as further protection for females. It's widely known that men can carry the virus without any knowledge of it, leading to easy and inadvertent exposure to their partners. According to the article:
By 2009, the vaccine could be approved for boys as well. Although Gardasil also protects against genital warts, which are not life threatening, the primary reason to extend approval to boys would be to slow the rates of cervical cancer. Public health folks charmlessly call this “herd immunity.”
While I have my own reservations about newly released vaccines and drugs, I find the idea of boys taking responsibility for sexually related concerns refreshing. What are your thoughts? Do you think boys should shoulder the burden, too?
