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So I met this guy online several years ago. We dated and had a long-distance relationship. Three years into the relationship, I was ready to relocate to his town. As soon as I started getting interviews in his town, he started saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that maybe 10 years down the road we could live in the same state. I found out he was cheating, forgave him and wanted to try counseling. But he didn't want to try counseling and broke up with me when it should have been the other way around.

I took an entire year to heal from this relationship from hell. I read a lot of self help books and started activities that I enjoyed to rebuild my self esteem. Then I decided to get back in the dating game and met an awesome man on a dating site who lived close to me. He opened doors and was nothing but a pure gentleman. We waited until three months into our relationship before becoming physical. I was so very happy with this new man and felt like what we had was special. We became intimate for the second time and afterwards he said, "I am afraid to be a boyfriend. I am not ready for a relationship. Can we just be friends?" I became furious and said some very nasty things to him. After I had cooled down, I apologized and wanted to sit down to discuss why I had been so hurt and upset. But he would not accept any form of an apology from me and refused to speak to me.

I've done everything right this time by taking the opportunity to get to know him before jumping into a relationship. I prayed over it and gave everything thoughtful contemplation. Yet things still didn't work out, and I feel like I have lost for the second time because he broke up with me when I did nothing to warrant it. I am not an emotionally unavailable woman and do want to be in a loving and committed relationship. I am hurt and frustrated that guys seem so available until the moment that they have had me. What can I do to prevent this from happening. I asked all the right questions and got "yes I want to be with you." Once he had me, I was no longer interesting!

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I have a big dilemma. I used to date this guy and the things weren't going in the direction I was hoping, so I ended it. He seemed sort of emotionally unavailable and always stressed out regarding his work status (are they going to renew his post doc contract?, for how long?, etc.). I am looking for a committed, stable guy. He seems to be a nice man, but the major problem here is his work. He works on a contract, which ends the end of August. He is a post doc fellow who is hoping to land a permanent position in his field once his post doc ends. However, he comes from a different country and even though he has his permanent residency status here solved, unless he lands a permanent position in his field here, he will be looking for one in his country of origin. I don't think he is even remotely interested in taking a job that is out of his field, he would much rather go back to his country.

I am confused and even though I like him, I feel that at this moment it's the best we just stay friends. However, he approached me yesterday saying that he does not want to be just friends, that he really likes me and want us to start a real relationship again, but this time a better one, which means more committed. I am really confused. I would be most comfortable with us just being friends until I see that things changed and he really is more committed as he says he is. What's the best answer to give him? If he really likes me, is he going to accept the "friendship only" pace I am willing to take right now?

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Well, this is going to be long. I had a bad breakup two years ago. A month after that, I went out to celebrate a friend's birthday and ended up meeting a couple of her friends. I started to hang out with them more often and we became really close. One of them is the perfect guy, a musician and has a band, super funny and awesome, let's call him M. We started to hang out even more often, we saw each other at least three times a week. Nothing ever happened. I suspected that he liked me but I was undecided, while I thought he was awesome and great, I never came to really fully feel attracted to him.

Then, one day we were at a concert and he introduces me to a very close friend of his, let's call him L. This guy is also a musician, super funny and good looking, my type of guy. We became friends and hung out a couple of times. He made a couple of moves, but nothing too strong. At this point in my life I'm very happy to be alone, and my goal is to meet as many people as I can, because I was kind of in a cave during my seven-year-old relationship, I just hung out with my BF and my life centered around him. So if I meet new interesting people, I hang out with them. 

Then comes M and tells me he has feelings for me. I honestly thought I did, too, but in that moment, I didn't. So I ended up telling him the truth, I am very happy alone and on my own. We decided everything was going to be the same way, nothing changes. So we continued to hang out/text as much. I thought he was going to do something to convince me, but he didn't. He just backed off. 

Anyways, our friends in common talked to me. They told me that I should slow down and give M some distance. I talked to him and he told me he didn't need any. But then, a week after that we started to talk and he told me he needed the space, but not in the same way he always talks to me, calm and nice, but in a kind of rude (for him) way. He told me that this was clearly not going to work, and that he didn't have time for me right now, and that I could go and do anything I wanted like a free woman that I am. So I decided to give him the space. Last night I bumped into him and we greeted each other normally. Meanwhile, L keeps making moves and I don't understand that, being so close to M, and knowing about M's feelings for me. 

The thing is, I love M as a friend, I care about him. I seriously miss him right now, but I know I can't promise him anything. I feel like such an idiot for turning down such a good guy for my fears. I got out pretty damaged of my last relationship. I wonder if I can do anything to like him, I would do it. I wonder if attraction is so important? Or does that fade away? I don't know what to do. I want things to be normal again.

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Hello. So a little background on us: we are both 27, have been dating for a little over two years, and have been friends for nine. We have a great relationship, and I really think he is the one. 

The problem? He does not want to get engaged. Anytime soon. Unlike him, I want to start moving forward with my life. I don't want to get engaged, get married a month later, and start to have kids a month after that. I want a nice long engagement, a few years of married life, and then to start thinking about kids.

I tried to explain to him that women have a clock, and he doesn't seem to understand. I don't want to be having babies when I'm almost 40. He said he's "just not ready" to get engaged. I understand — I am not ready right this moment either, but I think that we should put some type of time frame on the table. He said he will not do that. That it needs to happen "organically" whatever the f*ck that means. He said also that some of his friends didn't get married until they were 30ish, so he's "doing OK." I really don't care what anyone else is doing, to be completely honest, especially 'cause I don't really consider those friends any type of role models for anything. 

I am very upset. He told me the usual things — he loved me, he wants to be with me, he thinks I'll be an excellent wife and mother, blah, blah, blah, but won't give me any type of time frame for anything. It's driving me crazy. I am totally invested in this relationship, but I need to know that it's going to happen. He won't even look at engagement rings and freaks out if I even mention anything. I asked what his mother said, and she said he should "take his time." To be honest, I don't believe that for five minutes because I know she's ready to be a grandma when we are ready. 

Anyways, I was thinking of distancing myself from him. I don't know if this will get him to see what he is missing or what, but I am getting anxious and don't want to keep waiting around. If he likes it, he should put a ring on it, right? Two years seems like enough time — we are not teenagers. I think that he takes me and our relationship for granted sometimes. Not like he cheats on me or anything, but just that he doesn't have to make that commitment to me, and I will still be around. I think this is very selfish of him to not respect me and talk about the future and such, so I am thinking that I may just take some time for myself to be selfish and do whatever I want and not worry about what he's doing. I'm not asking for a magical spell that I can cast on him to propose — I'm just asking for some advice on what to do so that I can keep my sanity in this relationship, or if I should just end it, move on, and find someone that wants the same thing as me. Thanks. 

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I've spent quite a bit of time (alone and with others) with a guy over the last few months and met some of his friends and family. I'm not completely sure how I feel about him, but I think I may be more interested in him than I'm willing to admit to myself. Last night, we had plans to hang out, alone, although we hadn't decided what to do yet. We set this up four days in advance. The day before, he asked if I wanted to go to dinner with his friend who was visiting. I said OK, but I was a little hurt, I guess because I was looking forward to spending time alone with him. Should I have been hurt? I ended up not going because I was also upset that he didn't offer to pick me up. This actually made me really upset. Should I be upset? Should I tell him that I was upset with him?

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My boyfriend and I broke up a while back, but I never distanced myself from. It's still pretty fresh, but I am moving on and I'm trying to get over him. Right now I love and hate him at the same time. Possible? There are nights I miss him so much, and I know that if I call he'll talk, but coldly. He'll say, "Please don't say 'I miss you," I don't want to be in all of that again, I want to concentrate on college."

Still there are times when I just want to scream at him for disrespecting me, lying to me. Why do I want to communicate this to him when I know it won't affect him? When I know there's no point? I want to stop this. I have a chance because I don't have to see him every day in class anymore, but we've been closer for years and it is so hard. I see people moving on so fast, from one guy to another, and I wonder — am I lacking somewhere?

I was also very wrong somewhere in this relationship. He was too. And we stretched it so much that we weren't even able to salvage a friendship out of it. Neither of us gets close to people very easily, so maybe that's why we held on to each other. It's hard to imagine myself without him, and I am trying. He hopes that we remain friends for now, ending on a positive note so that when we're able to get over whatever happened, we can come back as newer, better people and end up together.

But still, I don't know if I should trust him. I don't trust him. I want guys to ask me out, but I feel scared. I feel like I'm cheating, and I feel no attraction at all. I lost my self-respect and the way I sacrificed everything and clung to him was so needy. All I want is that back — to look in the mirror and feel so good, to have him see me as the girl I was and respect me. I know I can't force anyone, but it gives me a lot of anguish to imagine our story ending up in such a bad state.

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So here we go. Let's keep it simple. I have a wonderful, kind, and caring boyfriend. We will be together two years at the end of this month. Here is the problem: While I have never caught him cheating on me, when we first started dating (like two months in) I caught him sending messages back and forth with his ex-girlfriend and some other girls, and I wasn't too happy with the content. We spoke about it, and he stopped.

So, he hasn't done anything like that in a LONG time (I've checked up on him), but recently I was at his apartment before he got home and went to use his computer to log into my gmail. Well, when I typed in "gmail" it automatically opened his account because he was still signed in, and the first thing I saw was a message from his ex-girlfriend. Of course, I read it. (You would, too.) There was only one message each way. It was one to her saying that she was in his dream, asking her how she was, how her son was, etc. Also that she has a new hairdo. The message back to him was, kid is doing great, life is good, my new hairdo is awesome blah blah.

Here's where the problem lies. I know that the message is innocent. But he has told me time and time again that he doesn't talk to his exes because it's a waste of time. This girl was his "first love" in college and it ended terribly and he was totally head over heels in love with her. He doesn't think that I should talk to my ex-boyfriend (who is struggling with a drug addiction so he messages me every once in a while to ask for forgiveness, part of the 12 steps), but it's OK for him to message her and tell her that he had a dream about her? I don't want to bring this up because I don't want him to think I was snooping (I really wasn't . . . he shouldn't leave things logged in), but now I am feeling insecure. Any tips?

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I've been spending more time, and even flirting more, with a classmate. I'm almost 100 percent sure he's at least interested in dating me, although we haven't been on an official date yet. In a conversation a few weeks ago, it seemed like he was trying to express that he was unsure about classmates dating, likening it to workplace romances. Does that mean nothing is ever going to happen between us? We still have three more years of grad school together, and I'm wondering if I have a chance.

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So I snooped out of pure curiosity about his female friend. I know of her and I know they are close, but he never talks about her. So I read some text messages about six-plus months ago, some flirty banter back and forth and him suggesting that they should hook up. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and I felt like I got slapped across the face when I read this. This girl refused, but it got me thinking, what if she didn't? They have not exchanged any messages or calls since last November.

Now I am torn about whether or not I should let this go because it was a long time ago or should I bring it up? Nothing has been wrong with our relationship (I guess other than my snooping), and he has been affectionate and loving.

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Alright, I'll just start this by saying my boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. He is the most loving, caring, perfect guy ever. He is exactly like me personality and goal wise. But there's only one (big) problem. Ever since the beginning, he has never trusted me and it's gotten really bad. I can't talk to guys at all, which I don't mind at all, honestly. I don't have friends anyways so it doesn't matter. But if I do talk to them, he's threatened to either kill them or himself. I know that isn't actually true, but it still upsets me. He's very insecure and always has been.

And what makes him like this is that I started talking to him at the end (but still during) a long, horrible relationship. He thinks I will do that again, although I know I won't. It was different then. I was searching for a way out and I found it. And it came in the form of him, and it was perfect. Not once did I ever cheat, except for emotionally I supposed since I longed for him. But nothing more than that until the other relationship ended. I don't want people telling me to end my relationship because I won't. It's only this one problem and I know there must be some way through it. What I need is your help on how to get him to trust me and believe me when I say that will never happen again. Thank you.

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