Etiquette

A trip to a restaurant can be fun family outing — not to mention a welcome break from making meals at home. But it's not always easy to get children to behave appropriately at restaurants. "My son will behave perfectly at McDonald's or any fast food restaurant because he knows he has to eat first before he can go play in the playroom, but when it comes to actual restaurants where you sit and order then wait for the food, he is a mess. I can't control him at all," admits Circle of Moms member Vanessa M. "My mother would have taken me to the bathroom and given me a good spanking. I honestly don't want to be that kind of parent," she adds.  

For tips on teaching young children table manners and restaurant etiquette, Circle of Moms members offer the following seven tips.

Keep reading.

It seems like the busier you get, the more coffee invites you receive. Maybe it's an indicator of success, but as you climb up the ladder, you'll find the coffee invites piling up.

A bit disgruntled, you might wonder where all these people were when you were unemployed and looking for a job, but another part of you might feel flattered. You'll also feel a little bit of reluctance to hand off a piece of your precious time to a stranger who probably wants something from you. So how do you fend off this deluge of people who would like to "grab coffee sometime?" Here are a few ways to go about it:

• Another medium: Let the person know that you appreciate their offer, but you are really busy at the moment, and would love to first address what they want to talk about via email. You can also opt for IM-ing online or getting on a call with them. I find that emails are the best medium for me because I work on them whenever I have the time and piece together emails gradually.
• Hand it off: Maybe the person isn't specifically interested in you as much as a person of your experience. If you have a colleague or a friend who enjoys these coffee meet-and-greets and likes imparting knowledge, you could ask them if they'd like to go in your place.
• All together now: Have several people requesting a coffee date? Kill many birds with one stone by bringing them all together for a coffee open house.
• Come on by to an event: If there's an event you're going to where you wouldn't mind the company, invite the contact to come along. A networking event would be ideal, because everyone there would be there for the same reasons as well and maybe the person would find others to talk to, too.

Remember, do unto others as you would have them do to you. It can be hard to practice with your busy schedule, but do your best to try to respond politely to coffee invites, because I'm sure you'd like it if others do the same to you.

We experience such a flurry of emotions on the first date — happiness, excitement, and maybe a little bit of nervousness. These reactions are all normal given that this probably is the first time you and your date are spending quality time with each other. I know many of my girlfriends play back the date in their minds, trying to analyze the guy’s actions, and some of you may start thinking about signs that reflect a person’s money habits. Here are some to watch out for:

If he pays for the date: If he asked you out and if he pays, he’s probably a traditionalist, which can be a good thing if you think men should pay for the first date. It’s also normal to go dutch so don’t panic about it and immediately jump to the conclusion that he’s stingy. If he's expecting you to pay, he might just be cheap, or maybe he thinks you ought to pay if you asked him out. He can also be low on cash or you might be misinterpreting things and you might actually not be on a date.

If he pulls out all the stops: If he's spoiling you with a one Michelin star dinner and some kind of extravagant entertainment after, you might have a cause for concern if he's a starving artist. He might be living beyond his means or living on daddy's paycheck. Alternatively, he could be saving up money for this one special occasion, but a first date might be a little too early for all of this pomp and circumstance. He could also be a successful high flier and have the deep pockets to afford to splash the cash on you.

If he uses a coupon: In the era of daily deals, using a Groupon is not anything out of the ordinary and it doesn't mean you need to start categorizing him as an extreme couponer. Using a coupon might carry a stigma though, and some girls might see it as being too cheap to pay full price for a date. But that's not always the case, so don't judge a man by his coupons!

Read on for more signs.

Giving and getting gifts can be a joyful occasion or an incredibly awkward one. Whether you hate a present but have to pretend to love it or you left someone off your list, you can handle almost any situation by remembering these tips — and what the holidays are all about.

• Be honest: If someone gives you a present and you don't have one for them, you could always tell them you left it at home. But they'll probably be able to sense the truth, and if you didn't get them anything because you don't have the money or don't know them that well, there's nothing wrong with that. It might feel uncomfortable, but it's best to be as honest as possible. Say you really appreciate it and you're embarrassed you didn't have the time to get them something. Chances are, they'll understand.
• Don't think of it as a competition: Should you feel awkward if you get someone a mug and she gives you a pricey pair of earrings? While that's not ideal, it's important to remember that gift giving isn't a competition and the point of the holidays is to show that you care. It's clichéd but true: it's the thought that counts.
• Give a gift receipt: Whenever you can, always include a gift receipt. Even if it's your sister, you don't know if she'll like the shade of lipstick or if the sweater will fit her, so don't be offended if the person exchanges the gift for something else. The same goes both ways: don't feel bad about trading your gift in for something else that better suits your taste.
• Think small: There are certain people we're not sure if we should buy something for or not — the new person you started dating? The friendly neighbor who recently moved in? Even if you just bring them some homemade treats, they'll be sure to appreciate your kindness. And for these situations, it's great to pick up a few extra small gifts while you're shopping; you never know when they will come in handy.
• Write thank-yous: When everyone is giving and getting, it's normal to wonder whether it's appropriate to write thank-you notes or not. While a handwritten card is always a nice gesture, an email saying how much you love the gift is just as thoughtful and fitting.

When you're wading through the job market, asking a friend or colleague to make a personal referral on your behalf requires delicate handling if you want to make a good impression and increase your chances of landing an interview. Likewise, if you're on the receiving end of such a request, you will want to consider a number of things before agreeing to pass along that résumé. Before you click the Forward button, follow these six tips to gracefully navigate a job referral.

Remember that an endorsement also reflects upon you.
Even if your company's referral bonus would really help with this month's rent, don't provide a referral for anyone who asks for it. If you enthusiastically endorse a vague acquaintance, and the hiring manager is less than impressed, your own judgement of character may be called into question. Of course, this works both ways: if you genuinely provide a stamp of approval and your applicant gets hired, you'll receive kudos for bringing her in.

Take time to consider the request before you act.
Sometimes the decision is a no-brainer: you've worked personally with the applicant, know that the position in question is the perfect fit, and can provide a glowing endorsement. Other times, you don't feel so confident. Hopefully the applicant will contact you via email so you can respond when you're ready, but if you're cornered on a surprise phone call, don't be afraid to ask for some time. Tell the caller that you would like to read the job listing and think about how comfortable you are making a referral for that position.

Collect all pertinent information.
If you agree to provide a referral, make sure you understand your colleague's aims before passing along her résumé. Ask her to tell you about her relevant experience and skills, why she thinks she's an ideal candidate, and why she wants to work in this position and for this company. It helps to share this information at the time you make the referral so the hiring manager understands it's a genuine endorsement.

Read on for more.

We've all been there: a co-worker announces her pregnancy at work, and suddenly there are so many questions we want to ask. How far along is she? How is she feeling? Was is hard keeping it a secret until now? Isn't she just thrilled? Many expecting women are happy to talk to friends and colleagues about the excitement of this time in her life. But some women are more guarded about the topics of pregnancy and childbirth and may be uncomfortable discussing them at the office. Here are 10 questions you should think twice about asking your pregnant co-worker.

How Long Were You Trying?
While this question is usually innocent enough in its intention, it potentially forces the expectant mother to tackle two uncomfortable topics: sex and fertility. Do you really want to broach the subject of how often your colleague does it? Or maybe it's not as simple as a bedroom encounter, and she required insemination or fertility treatments to arrive where she is now. Either way, it's not appropriate office chitchat.

How Much Weight Have You Gained?
Sure, weight gain is an inevitability during pregnancy. But it doesn't mean your colleague isn't self-conscious about it! Regardless of whether she appears to have put on a few or barely gained an ounce, it's probably best to steer clear of this topic.

Are You Coming Back to Work?
The decision between staying at home and working after the child's birth can be a rocky one for any mom-to-be, and there are often some complicated financial decisions underlying her ambivalence. Don't add to the pressure by bringing up such a sensitive topic. It's also possible that she simply hasn't yet made up her mind and is therefore uncomfortable discussing it at work where her manager or others might overhear.

How Will You Be Delivering?
A woman's choice of delivery practices is quite a hot button topic these days, and everyone seems to have an opinion. But whether she opts for a home birth, a scheduled C-section, a hospital birth with interventions, or any multitude of other birthing options, it's not our place as her co-workers to make her talk about it or defend it.

How Old Are You?
Mom may be 40, fabulous, and proud to shout it from the rooftops, but if she hasn't volunteered that information to you before, don't wait until she's pregnant to inquire. She may be generally sensitive about her age or afraid that people will jump to conclusions about the health of her baby.

For five more sensitive questions, just keep reading.

The very idea of a wedding registry can feel uncomfortable — as if you're doing the shopping for your guests — and then there's the issue of where to register. Do you pick one store? Five stores? And, for that matter, which stores do you pick?

You may choose to go with an online registry site that allows you to choose any and all retailers, but if you're sticking with a more traditional route, then it's best to narrow down your picks. Not sure where to begin? Check out these quick etiquette tips to guide you through the process:

• Be helpful, not greedy. Your registry is a great way to offer guests a wide range of gift options, but it's also important that you don't go overboard. In the Emily Post registry etiquette guidelines, Anna Post writes, "While it's OK to have more than one registry, draw the line at three. You want to be helpful by offering your guests variety, not self-indulgent by listing your every wish in the world." Don't be afraid to scan plenty of items at each store so that the registry isn't exhausted by the first 50 guests.
• When in doubt, go big. One way to keep things simple? Choose larger stores with a broader assortment of items to cover your every need. For instance, if you'd like some new camping products, then try finding them at a big retailer like Target rather than a more specific, boutique sort of shop. Not only will it make the entire process easier for you, but it will also result in a shorter, less overwhelming list of stores for your friends and family to choose from. Even better? The larger chains have several locations, so your out-of-town guests will have plenty of options in their own city.
• Consider pricing. Your guests are sure to have different budgets, and some will hope to spend more than others. Go ahead and register at that luxury outlet, but be sure to scan items at a more affordable store, too. Then, at each place, do what you can to include any and all price points — everything from that high-end knife set to those inexpensive dish towels.

The bottom line: No matter where or how you register, be sure to keep your guests in mind. The point of your wedding registry isn't to create your ultimate wish list; it's to offer options for your friends and family who hope to honor your big day with a thoughtful gift.

Out of the mouths of babes . . . As parents, we know that anything that's uttered within earshot of our kids is fair game for repetition. And while eliminating all of those four-letter favorites is a no-brainer, there are plenty of others that can be just as damaging. Here, the 10 words we suggest that you ban from your vocabulary in front of your kids.

1. Hate: You might be talking about rush hour traffic, a line at the grocery store, or a bad commercial on TV. But when it's used to talk about a classmate, teacher, or birthday gift, "hate" can be terribly hurtful.
2. Stupid: There's not much that's less appreciated than being called "stupid," and this is one that lil ones tend to enjoy repeating . . . again and again and again.
3. Retard: A word that's so offensive, there's an entire website devoted to banishing it. If you haven't already done so, you should get on board and eliminate the R-word from your adult vocabulary as well.
4. Gay: Unless your child is old enough to have a conversation about homosexuality, chances are, the word "gay" is going to be misused in a potentially hurtful (not to mention, incorrect) manner.
5. Loser: With bullying at the forefront of most parents' minds, putting down someone's self-esteem is something that you, and your kids, should never be a part of.
6. Dumb: See above.
7. No: We know you're not actually going to eliminate the word "no" from your repertoire. But try to limit its frequency. It seems to roll off the tips of toddlers' tongues way too easily.
8. Shut up: Make this a forbidden phrase now to avoid its overuse later. Tweens tend to enjoy overusing it at times when it doesn't even really make sense (think: "He asked her out?! Shut up!").
9. God (as in "Oh my God!"): If religion is present in your home, the word "God" will be, too. However, try not to use it as an exclamation of excitement or surprise. Even if "Oh my God!" doesn't bother you personally, you never know when it will come off offensive to someone else.
10. Bad: Like "no," it's one that's inevitably going to come up, but shouldn't be used excessively. Being told that you're "bad" repeatedly can be totally demoralizing for a child (or anyone, for that matter).