Engaged

When you've hit that point in your relationship where it's just a matter of time before he asks you to marry him, the wait can feel like an eternity. So when a friend gets engaged before you, it can make you green with envy, not to mention even more restless. While the engagement race may seem foolish to some, it does exist, so tell me, have you ever been secretly jealous or disappointed that a friend got engaged before you?

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DearSugar and Impatient Isla need your help. Everyone around her is getting engaged and she wants to jump on the bandwagon, but her boyfriend isn't ready to pop the question. They had agreed to wait until all their ducks were in a row, but she's getting impatient. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I am only 21, but it feels like everyone around me is either engaged or getting engaged! My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year but he doesn't see us getting engaged for at least another year or two. This is what I felt made sense, but now that all my friends are getting engaged, I can't help but want that too! What can I do to make myself believe again that waiting is the right thing to do? We want to be completely secure in our relationship, pay for a nice wedding, and he wants to be able to buy me the ring of my dreams, but all I want to do is get married now! Please help me! — Impatient Isla

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I recently caught a rerun of the Sex and the City episode when Aidan proposed to Carrie with a ring that made her vomit. Literally. When she met the girls to tell them all about it, Samantha used the old cliché, "wrong ring, wrong guy!" And in response to my Handle This from a few days back, Ginger Snaps expressed the same belief.

Now different people place different emphasis on engagement rings. Some opt for something minimalist, while others want a ring that's over the top, but if you don't talk about it with your significant other, there's plenty of room for error. So if you were truly surprised by a proposal, and the ring wasn't exactly what you wanted, would you think he wasn't the right guy for you after all? Where do you stand on the saying wrong ring, wrong guy?

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DearSugar and Sick of Waiting Willow need your help. She wants her boyfriend to pop the question but he's not ready. He doesn't feel that the timing is right, but Willow doesn't know how to wait patiently. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for over three years. We've been living together for at least two, and we are at the stage in our relationship where I feel like we're already married. My boyfriend and I are in our mid-20s and everything feels intact expect for one problem — he's not proposing anytime soon! No matter how many talks we have, the only straight answer he gives me is, "The timing isn't right. You don't have to wait forever, so why worry?" He's right; I know it will happen one day, and I'm lucky enough that I've found "the one," but what is all this timing talk about? It's starting to overcome my every thought. I keep faking myself out, thinking a proposal is coming, only to feel constantly let down. I don't want my impatience to cause a rift, but I don't know how to remain calm about it. Do you have any advice? — Sick of Waiting Willow

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Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years and our relationship took off quickly. I am not a materialistic person, but he goes out of his way to pamper me and buy me things — I think he thinks it's what makes me happy. I've told him that all I need is his love, but he still continues to shower me with gifts. We have wonderful times together, we share the same sense of humor and I love him, but sometimes I feel like we aren't on the same page. Despite all that, we got engaged on our one year anniversary.

On my birthday, we had a little argument and completely out of the blue, he decided it wasn't going to work out with us, just two days before he made me promise to never leave him. I feel things really changed for us when we became engaged — his idea not mine — and he says he needs some time because he doesn't know how he feels. What am I supposed to do? I love him and I miss what I thought we had. Any suggestions? Taken Aback Tanya

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Your engaged friend has been acting incredibly distant lately. You assume it's because she's planning her wedding, but when you finally get time together, she opens up to you after a few drinks. She tells you that things aren't going well and she's having serious cold feet, to the point that she wants to call off the wedding. You try to calm her down, but the more details she divulges, the more you're starting to think perhaps calling off the wedding is the right decision. You've grown to love her fiancé, and you remember how happy they once were, but you want the best for your friend. You don't want to give her bad advice, so how do you handle this?

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DearSugar and Next Step Nina need your help. She and her boyfriend are very happy and in love, but she's ready for marriage and he wants to wait another two years before even talking about it! She's not a fan of ultimatums, but she doesn't want to wait around for him. What should she do?

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years, and we live together. I'm 24 and he is 26. We are both about a year into our great jobs and are doing well financially; we are even saving for a down-payment on a house. We've traveled together and visited both our families who seem to like us as a couple. We love each other and really push for each other to be the best we can be.

We talk about how we will raise our children, where we want to travel, where we want to live, and what we want from our relationships. Overall, everything is great, but I'm feeling more and more ready for marriage. I'd like to be engaged and perhaps married in one to two years. When I brought this up, he was a bit nervous and said that he doesn't see himself married for at least two years from now — the exact timeline I have, but while I am ready for an engagement now, he doesn't want to start talking about marriage for another two years, which means more waiting for me. When his family asks him about us, he also sidesteps the topic of marriage. He says he loves me, he says I'm the one for him and he sees us together forever, but the word never comes out of his mouth.

Should I just be patient and wait? If so, for how long? I hate ultimatums, but should I give one anyway? It's been two years and four months since we were official, and I just want to know! — Next Step Nina

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