Crazy

Children have many wonderful qualities — they're cute, uninhibited, energetic, imaginative, loving, and so on — so it comes as no surprise that I sometimes get the itch for one. But then I witness the following happen in the cereal aisle of the grocery store or in front of the candy display at the movie theater and my nagging itch promptly disappears. No scratch necessary. (Thanks, eBaum's World!)

Have they just sent their youngest kids off to college? Or won the lottery? Or heard that they're the next contestant on The Price Is Right? Nope. These middle-aged teenyboppers are crazy happy cuz, well, they don't exactly know at this point. But Oprah is about to tell them. And whatever makes Oprah happy makes them happy.

What is it about those nutty girls, the ones that leave a wake of chaos and drama behind them everywhere they go, that make the men swoon? Details.com begins to examine this strange phenomenon offering both real-life experiences and movie romances — they point out Natalie Portman in Garden State, but I immediately thought of Kirsten Dunst in Crazy/Beautiful. The post states:

Of course it isn't about trust. This is about lawlessness. Chaos. Escapism and unpredictability — a balls-out, soul-affirming what's-nextness that is so rare and so powerful that you completely forget to give a sh*t about consequences and personal sacrifices.

Okay, this explanation is all well and good — we get it, she's exciting, but what about all the extra baggage she brings? Obviously I don't make the connection between crazy and sexy. Do you? Please explain this to me. What is it about being a bit loony and wild that makes a guy go gaga?

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Loony-toon roll call! The NYC subway is her stage and the hippy-hippy-shake is her talent. But don't be fooled: the fanny pack is not a costume. It's a red flag— someone needs to crank down the crazy in this joint.

Who needs dignity when you can be plain dirrty instead? The following dude, dressed in his finest fanny pack and top-of-the-line Air Jordans, has gone clubbing in broad daylight. Single person street corner clubbing, that is. And he knows you want a piece of his pelvic thrust, but a good long look at his jiggling backside is all you're gonna get. Watch and weep.

Over the years, Alfred David's interest in penguins has turned into an obsession. He's not just into them, he now actually thinks he is a penguin. He even has the suit and waddle to prove it! Alfred claims to have a wife, but she doesn't make an appearance in this video. Understandably.

What is there to say, really? Britney manages to make a day at the beach a fashion disaster in her bra and panties--mismatched, natch. How hard is it to put on a bikini? She keeps promising to hire a stylist. Promises, promises. Meanwhile, let's watch as her career floats off further into the distance, and into the sea...

Can you say oldie but goody? He may be your best friend, but he's his own biggest enemy. Watch this dog instigate a fight between himself and his own hind leg. I don't really blame him. If he didn't put up a fight, that leg would walk all over him!