Bridesmaid

Have you ever been asked to pay for an expensive bridesmaid dress that you just couldn't afford? If so, offer up your advice to Becky who's stuck in the same predicament. And if you have any questions of your own, ask them in the Ask Savvy group!

Dear Savvy,

I'm a bridesmaid in a dear friend's wedding this Summer and I'm honored and thrilled that she asked me to stand up for her on her special day. She's in full planning mode and has finally decided on the bridesmaid dresses, which is out of this world expensive. I know anything that revolves around the word "wedding" jacks up the price, but $400 seems a bit excessive. I am not in a place where I can afford to spend that much on a dress, not to mention all the other things I'll have to pay for (shower gifts, wedding gifts, shoes, etc.). What should I do?
Broke Becky

To see what a savvy bride has to say about this, keep reading after the jump.

Bridesmaids and twins under the age of 10 must be some of the only people expected to dress alike on special occasions. Maybe it's time to kick the matching-satin habit and let your attendants choose their own attire for your big day. Here are seven reasons to at least consider it for your wedding.

1. They're paying. Typically bridesmaids shill out for the dresses, so letting them find something in their budget will reduce a lot of the stress and chance for uncomfortable situations.
2. They can pick a flattering dress. Unless you've found the sisterhood of the traveling bridesmaid dress, no one gown looks amazing on every woman. Let each bridesmaid choose something she knows she can shine in.
3. One less thing on your plate. It's hard enough to find "the one" perfect wedding dress, so leave the bridesmaid shopping to your friends, and focus on your dress and other planning details.
4. They can wear it again. Forgetting any past bridesmaid experience, it seems like most brides genuinely believe they've chosen a dress their attendants can wear again. But that's hardly ever the case. There's a greater chance your bridesmaids will pick a repeat winner though, if you let them choose something they really love.
5. Adds an original twist to your weeding. A variety of dresses is visually stimulating and will give your big day, and the pictures to follow, a refreshing feel.
6. No resentment. Your good friends won't be holding even an unconscious grudge at your wedding, knowing you trusted them enough to pick out a special dress.
7. Good karma. Who knows? Maybe they'll let you do the same when they ask you to be in their weddings!

Photo by Julie Afflerbaugh Photography via Style Me Pretty

Wedding dress shopping when you're the bride is definitely stressful (thankfully I recently found mine without any major blood, sweat, and tears!), but being the friend that accompanies the bride-to-be carries its own stresses and responsibilities. If you're a bridesmaid or just close friend of the bride this wedding season, I've got some helpful tips for surviving dress shopping. And be sure to add your own tips in the comments!

1. Follow the bride-to-be's lead, so let her and the consultant pick the dresses unless she asks for your help. The last thing you want to do is grab a dress way out of her price range just to have her fall in love with it!
2. Try not to offer unsolicited advice. If the bride says, "Does this lace look pretty to you?" That's the time to say it reminds you of a tablecloth, not when she's tearing up and saying, "This is the one!"
3. Keep in mind that the goal is to find a dress, not play dress-up. While it's a good idea for the bride-to-be to try on a variety of styles, don't encourage her to go overboard by trying on 40 dresses at one appointment; it will just confuse her! Instead, help her keep her eye on the prize by reminding her what styles she's liked so far and if she feels comfortable in it.
4. Remember that it's her day, not yours. So even if you don't personally like the dress, if it flatters her and she loves it, be supportive.
5. Help plan post-wedding-dress-shopping cocktails or lunch for the bridal groupies. It'll help keep the day light and fun instead of stressful, and give the bride time to discuss her dress likes and dislikes.

Photo by Sylvie Gil Photography via Style Me Pretty

• Dos and don'ts of being a bridesmaid — Glamour
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Source: Flickr User SMN

This question is an excerpt from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have a "friend," who I know due to her being engaged to one of my oldest, dearest friends. She drives me crazy — makes me anxious, and stresses me out. She is extremely self-centered, and expects a lot out of our "friendship," yet does not reciprocate the efforts that I put in.

A few years ago she asked me to be in her wedding party (before she was engaged . . . two years later she finally paid for half of her own ring and is now engaged), and I said sure, because . . . well how do you say no, right? Well, I got engaged at the beginning of 2010, and my fiance and I planned right from the start to not have our wedding until June 2012. A week after we became engaged she asked if she was in my bridal party. I said, " . . . . yessss." ACK! I know. I just couldn't say no.

Now I don't know how to fix this. This girl drives me insane, I don't want her to be part of our special day. I want it to be about us, and our very closest friends. How do I tell her I don't want her as a bridesmaid? Can I even do that? It's a toss-up — suck it up because I said yes, and forever regret it, or potentially cause a huge falling out and drama in our circle of friends?

I realize how juvenile this sounds, I really do. And I know if I had any backbone I would have just said no in the first place, but I suffer from anxiety and disappointing people can lead to near panic attacks for me.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Source: Flickr User kiddharma

Couples may spend an average of $10,000 to $20,000 to party down on their big day, but guests can build up a big bill too — especially if they're in the wedding. When I saw 27 Dresses, I calculated the total price of her bridal closet. That's at least $5,500 worth of dresses. Especially considering they were all custom (or do I mean costumes).

Most SavvySugar readers didn't spend a penny on weddings in 2009, but I know most of you have been in weddings before. So, I want to know: Can you estimate how much you have spent (in total) on bridal party expenses?

Being someone's bridesmaid is a great honor, but it requires a lot of work, which is why most brides thank their wedding party with a carefully thought out gift of appreciation; but how much should one spend? There's no right amount but by reading the answer to the question below, hopefully you'll have a good idea as to where to start. You can also submit your questions in our Ask Savvy group.

Dear Savvy,

My wedding is coming up and I'm at a loss as to what to gift my bridesmaids who have been nothing short of amazing throughout my 10 month engagement. Like every bride, money is tight, but I still want to give my girls a nice present to show my appreciation for the love and support they've given me. Is there an appropriate price range?

Clueless Cassie

To see what a savvy bride has to say about this, keep reading after the jump.

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a soccer coach tries to help out a newly engaged reader. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I got engaged on Christmas Day! Yay! But here's my dilemma. I have an old friend that I have been talking to for the past few months now. We found each other on Facebook and keep in touch on a regular basis. She has been there for me when I was having some problems, and I've discussed my relationship with my current boyfriend and soon-to-be husband. Today while I was telling her all about my dress and our plans for the location of the wedding, she asked me who my bridesmaids were going to be. I tried to get out of the question, but she asked again, and I told her I had not planned anything yet and that they may be my cousins. But really I plan to ask my two best girlfriends and three close cousins to be in the wedding. I get the feeling that she expects me to ask her, but I don't want to! What do I do to spare her feelings and not give her the idea that she is going to be in the wedding?

To see the soccer coach's answer, read more