Accidents

Pregnancy often brings clumsiness along with it. I try my best to avoid precarious situations, but sometimes my body does its own thing. While flats typically make my legs look short and stubby, they usually afford me a level of comfort and agility.

The other day I sported a new pair of bright blue ballet flats to work and was feeling quite agile for a woman entering her last trimester. As I made my way down the San Francisco hills, I stepped on the smooth surface of an electrical cover and completely ate it. Both feet flew out from under me leaving my tush and hands to break the fall. Humiliated of course, I slowly pulled myself together and gingerly walked the rest of the way to the bus stop. Luckily, I got a seat and was able to lick my wounds.

I refuse to wear sneakers with a dress, but I'm not sure what other footwear would work if my flats aren't doing the trick. Combat boots?
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Let's face it, kids have lots of fluids and well, sometimes they end up all over the floor. While the incidents can be funny in retrospect, they usually aren't while occurring. My husband packed our infant daughter in the Baby Bjorn and stopped in an upscale art gallery to take a peek at their pieces. The sales clerks cooed over our child until she projectile vomited all over the shop. Mortified, her daddy apologized profusely to the staffers who were awed by her action.
My son's moment came last Christmas while I was carting the kids through the rain and into the mall only to notice he had an accident that soiled ALL of his clothing. I couldn't put my baby back in the car, so I headed to Target's restroom where I had no choice but to strip him down, wipe the mess up as best as I could and then rinse him off in the sink. Once he was clean, I put him in a fresh diaper, strapped him in the stroller and dressed him in a new outfit I bought at the store. Then, we finished our holiday shopping.

When kiddie accidents happen, parents have to grin and bear it — what was yours?
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If your kids aren't in the car, make sure you designate a spot in front of the garage or driveway where they should stand when a vehicle approaches. While growing up, it was an automatic for my siblings and me to wait on the landing in our garage when a car was pulling in or out. And today with more and more parents driving SUVs, the likelihood of a tot getting stuck in a blindspot increases.

As protective parents, we should take note of Christian singer Steven Curtis Chapman's recent tragedy. His 5-year-old daughter, Maria was killed this week when his teenage son accidentally hit the child while driving outside their home. I make a habit of having my kids hop in the car anytime my husband or I pull out of the driveway regardless of whether or not they are coming on the excursion. It takes a few extra minutes to buckle them in, but grants piece of mind.

Does your family have a car safety plan?

In a strange, but true tale, GQ UK's Chef of the Year, Gordon Ramsay, has burned his man-bits. In what can only be described as his own personal kitchen nightmare, Ramsay stood a little too close to the stove and burned himself.

"The other day I was standing too close to the stove when I was cooking. I was wearing these cotton trousers and underneath I was going commando, suddenly, I felt this searing heat. I went, 'F**k me, bollocks to that."

Once the accident happened, he was rushed to London's private Cromwell Hospital where an ultrasound was performed. His right testicle was burned and Ramsay was said to be in "absolute agony."

In other news, Ramsay will be expanding his dining empire by adding ten more pubs to his collection.

Source: TMZ and My Park Magazine
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Watch Chuck Storm report live on how to make your mark in broadcast journalism. (And by "mark," I don't mean legacy!) Thanks, College Humor.

Anyone up for a game of flipping over the tennis net? Or body slamming into a pole? Or serving the ball to mommy's gut? If so, then I've got your competition right here. Yet another excuse not to exercise...

When are auto accidents amusing? When the driver responsible fills out an insurance claim form and attempts to condense, evade, or embellish the facts a bit. That's when the truth spins out of control and the retelling gets funny:

• "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
• "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."
• "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
• "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision."
• "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull."
• "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."
• "When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."
• "In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
• "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."
• "As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."
• "The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."
• "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."

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Now talk about learning a lesson the hard way! Cuts and bruises heal quickly, but the hilarity of an unexpected "trip" lives on forever and ever--that is, in a dark corner of my wicked clown heart.

Funny Moments In Life - Funny bloopers are a click away

But when caught on camera, they lose their "accidental" status and become hilariously purposeful. That is, so we can re-watch them and laugh all over again. And again. And again.

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