I have been dating my boyfriend for 11 months now I am a single mom with 3 kids and he is a single dad with 4 kids in the home. I have been pushing him to include me in his family life but he won't we have in the past broke up because of this. He works 13 hr. days 6 days a week and has to take of his teenage children, this leaves little time for us to be together. My solution to this is to include the children, I can't understand why we can't watch a movie together or have dinner or basic things like this unless his children are out of the house. no because these kids all have different mothers some living in different states he doesn't have weekends available all that often and he rarely has an entire day that he is off work and doesn't have his children. which not only makes the relationship difficult but I often feel guilty that he is taken away time for his children to spend time with me. But the more the subject comes up he tries to make it up to me by spending more time with me still without the children. This weekend we had a date and we had a wonderful time together although he could tell something was bothering me. After he took me home I called him and said I no longer think I can handle this relationship and we either need to bring our families together or call it quits. In the end we broke up he says it is because I hurt him, he still won't face the fact that by not bringing the families together it makes me feel as though I'm not that important to him. Someone else please give me your opinion should I have been more patient or does it sound to you like he has been stringing me along.
Help I am feeling realy bad right now!!!
the breakup
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J Brand
I think you were completely right to break up with him. If he doesn't have time for you, and doesn't seem to have an interest in getting to know your children or having you get to know his, it doesn't sound like the relationship was destined to go anywhere.
1All I have to say is... do you wanna be in a relationship where you feel guilty?
2If he was so willing to break up and not work to fix the situation than maybe he was just waiting for you to give him a way out of the relationship. If he didn't want to work on combining your families than perhaps he was never into continuing the relationship long-term.
3Although I'm sure it hurts now, it really sounds like you did the right thing. You need to find a man who is excited about spending time with you and your family and if he happens to have kids of his own, he should want to work with you to combine your two families.
all of the above. I'm sorry for you, but it really sounds that you're better off without him.
4First of all it sounds like his children are his priority and he if he does not want to blend his family with yours he shouldn't have to until he is comfortable with the arrangement. I am guessing he has made that mistake before and wants to make sure you are going to be a somewhat permanent fixture in his life before dragging his kids into his relationship. I do not think 11 months is that long to be together especially since you said you have broken up over this in the past. Trying to push someone into doing something they are not ready for is a sure fire way not to get your way and you should know that.
5I totally agree with cubadog, there are way too many people involved in this situation to just think about what you want and what would make YOU more confortable, once there are kids involved EVERYTHING must be looked at in different angles before making a solid decision. Also, 11 months is not long at all, i'm sure that all the breaking up and getting back together plays a huge part in his decision as well. I too would put my children before ANY relationship, specially one where we can't seem to agree to stay together and work it out on our own.
6I semi agree with the previous two comments, but I think 11 months is TOO long for not having been at least introduced to his family. If I've been dating a guy and after six months haven't met his family or been introduced as his gf to them, I'd step back and take a hard long look at the situation. The reason your not allowed to hang out with his kids could be your not the only woman he's hanging out with... I've seen that happen to a friend.
But if he's not, I'd leave the guy alone. Damn girl, he's busting his ass over there trying to work and take care of his kids the right way, by the sound of it. If he doesn't want to meld his dating life and home life, that's his choice and if you can't handle that, get out of the situation. Your only causing more stress for a man already busting his hump.
7actually Kratsina has a good point too, but if he really is that busy then it's very unlikely. Either way make sure before going back and giving him another ultimatum cause you might just be giving this guy unnecesary grief.
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