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So I met a guy at work like a month or so ago. Where we work we can transfer to another company at any time. Anyway, we would talk regular just like two people working together. As the weeks passed we felt more comfortable around each other and talked more along the lines as friends.

One week ago he found out that he was going to get transferred to another location. The week before he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. He texted me the next day. We didn't stop texting for the whole day. When I saw him at work he would act normal around me, but when he would text me after work he would say the sweetest things to me.

This last Thursday was his last day at work, but the whole week we have been texting nonstop. What's different is that he would text sexual stuff the most. At first I went along with it here and there. But he was just too sexual, like making remarks about me in that way. So I asked him if he just saw me as a sexual object, and he said no, but that he was very comfortable with sexuality. I replied that it was just him being himself, but that he talks about it all the time. He never answered me back.

I'm not even sad or mad that he didn't, it's more of disappointment because I thought he was better than that, and I thought he saw more of me than just my body. I mean, I really started to care for him. I don't know if in a romantic way or just as person/friend, but right now I'm so disappointed in him. Do you guys think that we'll ever have contact again or whatever this was is now done?

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I've been in a relationship with the same guy for a year now. Things were going well — he was respectful, smart, and funny, and we get along really well. Except for recently. The honeymoon phase is definitely over. He didn't do anything for my birthday — no card, no dinner, nothing. This really upset me, and I addressed it right away. He apologized and realized what a terrible thing it was, but he has yet to actually act on his words.

Because of this, I've pretty much put our relationship under a microscope, analyzing it and breaking it down. One of the things I've realized is that our views don't align on the subject of having children. I told him from the beginning that I didn't want to have kids., and he told me he used to not want children, but his views have changed as he's gotten older. He's nine years older than me, and he said that my feelings on children may change as well. I'm on the fence as to whether this relationship actually has any lasting power. Are these issues deal breakers in a relationship?

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I gave an acquaintance my number a few months ago. He texted me a few times and eventually, when we were both free, he asked me if I'd go on a date with him. At first, he really carefully asked me to go to his family cabin with him for a week, which I declined because I felt comfortable. Recently, he asked me to go to a dance party in town, so I said yes. He sounded surprised and when I asked who else was going, he said a few friends and one of his sisters would be there too. I didn't back out, but it felt kind of confusing — was it a date or a buddy outing? I went, he picked me up, he paid for everything, and he stuck by my side for the night. I have to admit that I felt awkward, so I didn't act like my usual, independent, friendly self. I smiled most of the night and remained open to the venue and music, but I also suspected he might have some history with one of the girls there. She was unusually cold to me and was giving him longing stares. I tried talking to a few people and gave him some space, but it was not easy at all. He stuck with me but made no moves or efforts to dance with me, so we left at the end of the night, went for a hot chocolate, and talked a bit more. We ended the date and he reached in to hug me and offered an open invitation for our next date. He asked me to go visit a new condo he'd just bought.

Now I like him, but his first effort to get me to a cabin for a week made me nervous that he may just want to sleep with me. Then the introduction to his family member was nice, but it was offset by the girl he seemed to have a history with. Still, I did try to make the best of the situation, and there were new things I learned about him that I liked. He was surprisingly respectful for a guy that I thought only wanted me to share a bed in a cabin, but this entire outing confused me. The next morning, I texted him to say that I had fun, and a few days later, I made a date suggestion. He then took a few days to respond, and he did not confirm anything but said he would call me for sure. Should I have initiated the post-date text and even offered a date suggestion? I guess I did it in case he'd noticed my discomfort and I'd come off as shutting him down. I'm intrigued but confused. What do you think?

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I think I have relationship OCD. I am really afraid of ruining a great thing by my constant worrying. I worry about everyday life things like the next person, but overall am pretty laid back and happy and carefree. But when it comes to my relationship I feel like a crazy person! I know it's because I love this person so much, and that's a scary feeling.

I definitely have some trust issues (with myself and with other people). For a little while I felt like all my fears and insecurities were totally justified, so I would bring them up and try to talk it out, thinking it would make me feel better. It didn't, and almost destroyed my relationship in the process. Luckily my partner really loves me and helped me seek some counseling and trusted that I would move past it. I have definitely gotten better, and I have made the positive step of at least realizing that these are my thoughts and not my feelings, and that I am in control of them. I feel like I have gotten some control over my reaction to them — but not so much control about whether I think them or not! I've been going with the fake it til you make it approach. Maybe it's just baby steps and I need to be more patient, but I am SO TIRED of worrying about things that I shouldn't be worried about, or worrying about things that worrying is never going to solve/prevent from happening.

I am a Virgo so it's in my nature, and my childhood definitely left me with a control freak mentality, like if I could make things right nothing would go wrong. I feel like I'm realizing the things I need to realize, but I really need help in re training my thoughts! I am looking for real practical advice here — books, websites, techniques that have helped you or a loved one? Words of encouragement or success stories are also welcome, I just want to let this weight go!! Thank you all.

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Over the summer I started to hang out with a girl I've known since middle school, but I'd never really gotten to know her. We became really close and would tell each other everything. During the last month or so, though, that all changed. I would always ask her if she wanted to hang out and she would give me the excuse that she had homework. I can understand that because college does take up a lot of time, but when we had our winter break, I expected that we would go out more. Wrong. I asked her four or more times if she wanted to go out, but she would give excuses or say that she was busy with her boyfriend or babysitting or whatever. She calls herself my best friend, but best friends don't treat each other like that.

There's the saying that if something's important to you, you'll find the time — if not, you'll find an excuse. So I feel like I'm not an important part of her life anymore. The last time I contacted her, I told her that I felt like she didn't want to talk to me anymore. She said she did, but she was very busy, and then she said that when she asks me to hang out, I'm busy at the gym. Since then, we haven't contacted each other. If I don't start the conversation, she won't. I'm waiting to see if she contacts me, but nothing yet. It does hurt me because I thought we'd become very close. What should I do?

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I'm currently in a "friends with benefits" situation with a guy who is very much younger than me. This is the first time I've been in such a relationship, as I was married to my high school sweetheart before we ended our 10-year relationship. I have no experience in dating and when I first met this guy, I never thought it would be purely physical. We both enjoy each other's company, and I was crushed when I realized that it was a "friends with benefits" arrangement because I had grown really attached to him. I can tell him anything and it feels like I've found my soul mate again. It gets worse, too, as he is also seeing other girls — all with similar arrangements. I know the best thing for me would be to walk away, but I'm in too deep, and I know he enjoys my company when we're together. I also know he's not open to relationships, at least not with me. We don't see each other often because he's always busy, and despite all that, I still want to see him. What should I do?

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I have been dating this guy for a few months now, and before then we were good friends. We met at the workplace, and yes, I am currently looking for other employment (due to a new scheduling conflict with school). We decided to date, and things were going well. He always initiated the calls and text messages and invited me out.

I know he has a lot on his plate, with his job, his son, his overbearing parents. I am a patient person and I am a firm believer that respecting someone's life is essential. Things were starting to steam up with us, and he told me that he didn't want the sex to change anything because I am special to him and that he wanted to put his best foot forward.

We had sex, and things were fine afterward. A few days later he canceled our day date for the weekend, said he had a lot of things to take care of. I understood and left it alone. On Friday, we started exchanging some flirty texts, and the next thing you know, he invites me out for dinner.

We had dinner, and the entire time he tells me he can't believe that I convinced him but that he is happy I did. He asked me to spend the night, and we had sex for the second time. The sex is great, and he invited me to breakfast in the morning. Everything seemed great. We laughed, had a good time.

I didn't really hear too much from him over the weekend — just a few updates and asking how I was doing. On Monday I saw him and waved hello, and then he proceeded to avoid me like the plague. He sent me a message later on, letting me know that he is overwhelmed with what happened on Friday night and Saturday morning and just feels out of sorts. I then asked him if he needed some space, to which he replied, "I don't know. I guess." So I let him know that I respect what he is feeling and to take all the space and time he needs to figure things out, that when he is ready to talk, we can, and that it's not a problem. He said, "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome," and we haven't spoken since.

I know sometimes guys say things so they can let down a woman gently. I'm wondering if this is a clear sign that I should move on or sit tight.

Thanks for the comments!

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Often, we see proof that it's damn difficult to find a nice, decent person as a life partner. Maybe that's why we see too many people settle for someone that they think has enough qualities. Sometimes, though, I wonder if these people are truly happy. Maybe the reason I wonder this even more lately is because I recently ended a relationship I thought wasn't doing me any good, because the person really wasn't making me happy. Even though he seemed like a nice guy to everyone, (he seemed to have awesome qualities, such as fairness and honesty; he was a family fellow, scheduled, organized, hard working, well educated), I saw those subtle details about him that made me uncomfortable, unhappy, bored, and uninterested.

He wasn't bad-looking by all means; he was a cute guy, but his personality just wasn't compatible with mine. We shared many similar interests, went to many events and visited places together, but it was that dryness about everything he did or said that drove me nuts! I thought that it would just get worse. As they say, whatever you don't like about someone will just get worse and worse as the relationship progresses because people don't change their habits so easily, much less their personality quirks. So, even though those things might not have been that significant to the others, I decided to end things, thinking it was only fair to me and to him to end things sooner rather than later.

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I'm in a new relationship with an amazing guy. We are very well matched, and for the first time, I feel like this could be the person I spend the rest of my life with. However, I've also found out about some pretty huge red flags and I'm worried that if I overlook his past, I might be setting myself up for a terrible relationship. Just for background, I'm in my very early 20s and he's 4 years older than me.

I found out from him that when he was 18, he began a relationship with a girl that lasted about 2 years. She lived with him and his family, she got pregnant by him at least twice while they were together (one time ended with an abortion, the other was a miscarriage), and he proposed to her at one point. The relationship ended because she cheated on him. I don't know any more details, but I wish he hadn't told me this. I can't get over the fact that he had this type of relationship with someone, even if it was years ago. It sounds like she was just a really troubled girl, but obviously my boyfriend had a role to play in this too. He claims he was young and stupid and regrets it, but the fact is that 4 years ago when this happened he was the age that I am now, and I would NEVER make decisions like that. When I think about the fact that he felt ready to commit to this girl (and presumably have a kid with her if she hadn't miscarried) it cheapens his feelings for me.

I would love to have these things with him some day: living together, marriage, kids. But when I think about the fact that he's already pursued these with someone else, and especially in such a tumultuous way, it makes me so unsure of his feelings for me. The things that I value in him — his loving, caring nature, his natural inclination to care for others, his stability — are probably what put him in a position where he wanted to commit to this girl in the first place. I guess I don't fully trust his judgment, but I'm not sure if that's valid considering that if I didn't know these things about his past, I would trust his judgment 100%. I'm struggling to reconcile who he was in the past with who he is now, because they seem like totally different people and I don't want to place too much or too little weight on these potential red flags. AHH! What do you guys think?

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years (we aren't married or engaged) and he has suddenly found god and religion. I am not religious and honestly it kind of irritates me. He has known this from the time we got together and I feel like now this is a game changer. He said he wouldn't talk about it much but I feel like it's almost all I hear about now. Like I said I am not a fan of all of the religion as I was raised a Catholic and it was shoved down my throat. Now he tells me I'm being self righteous and selfish about things that I have always had the same views on. I don't know what to do I feel like the relationship has changed and I know it will continue to get under my skin. I've told him I don't want anything to do with religion and that I really don't want to hear about all these things but I hear them anyway. It's definitely not something I'm interested in and I feel irritated. After 10 years and now a whole new set of beliefs. Can this even work?

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How do you "know"? I'm in the beginnings of what I think may be the last relationship I'll ever be in, and that thought scares me a bit — but also makes me happier than ever. I don't believe in soul mates or "the one," but I do believe that two people can be perfect for each other in nearly every way. How do you know that your partner is the person you want to spend your life with?

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I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. I know that I love him, but I'm worried about saying those three little words out loud. I've always thought I would hear it from him first. Maybe it's just the traditionalist in me, but I'd love to hear it from him unprovoked. Second, I'm afraid of what he'll say — or not say — back to me. I grew up in a family where we expressed a lot of affection, but he had a quite different experience, and he's never had a serious girlfriend before. Third, he expresses his love for me everyday by going out of his way to do things for me, by listening to me and just generally supporting me through thick and thin. I don't need to know whether he cares for me (I know he does) but I am now all wrapped up on these three words. We had the same issue defining our relationship, because we were exclusive from the beginning, but he avoided calling me his girlfriend for the first couple months. Now we're both pretty comfortable with our "definition" as boyfriend and girlfriend. Should I take the risk and lay it all out there? Or be secure with knowing that he cares deeply and probably loves me, but just doesn't want to say it?

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My boyfriend and I have been broken up for a few weeks now. A little time has passed and I don't feel as angry and hurt as I did a few weeks ago, but I am still hurt and confused. At this point, I don't know what I want to do or what I'm supposed to do. I don't know whether to remain friends with him. I feel like in his mind, he believes everything is back to normal and I'm not supposed to be hurt. He is the one who broke up with me. He told me he's already talking to someone else — after lying and saying he wasn't worried about any other women because he wanted to focus on himself. That alone makes me feel like he didn't care about me in the first place.

He has made no effort to make our relationship work. I've done it on my own. He doesn't work for anything. He oversteps my boundaries all the time and goes against my feelings, which is emotional abuse. He wants to be my friend and keep in contact with me, and I don't mind being friends with him, but I'm still very disgusted and angry with him over the stupid decisions he's made. He thought he was making the best decision for the both of us, but he doesn't ever make good decisions and when he does, they only make sense in his delusional mind. He thinks that by telling me these things, he's "keeping it real" with me, but little does he know that it's actually doing more harm than good. I don't know how I feel about him anymore. He doesn't understand the full extent of how badly he hurt me. He is a narcissistic person who doesn't care if he hurts others, and when he does apologize, he ends up doing it again anyway. I feel like he has no remorse.

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Lately I have been getting really upset with my boyfriend. It's more of an internal sadness that makes me outwardly pull away. We have been together for around seven months, and things were fantastic at first: hearts fluttering with every kiss, not being able to stop thinking of him, the anticipation of the next time we would see each other. I fell hard for him, but now little things are getting me very upset and I want to know if it's justified or how I can feel better.

A few months into the relationship, he mentioned something about me meeting his family, and he'd already met mine around the first few dates. He said he did not want things to go for so long without me meeting his family, then set a date for that to happen — and that date has long since passed. When I would bring up the subject, he would go off on a long, winded explaination of why it couldn't happen then. At one time, he really insulted me by saying that his family would not like me based on how I look. Needless to say, I was very upset then, and even more so later when I found out that his family did not even know about me. When he talked to them, he explained all the times we went out as "hanging out with a group of friends," or worse yet, "hanging out with (insert guy names that rhyme with mine)."

His family members have come to town and there has been no attempt to set up a meeting. Through an unfortunate car accident, his family now knows that I exist, so now they mention wanting to meet me, but my boyfriend keeps putting it off, which stirs up all the hurt again. With the recent holidays also came our birthdays, which are only a few weeks apart, and I spent so much time thinking of what to get him as a gift. I ended up buying him movies that he loved and CDs from bands that he listens to all the time. It was truly from the heart and so much time went into picking everything out. When my birthday came around, though, I got a novelty cup with a $9 price tag. I thanked him for it and cried later on.

I really have not been able to see him much. He did come over to my house at Christmastime to be with my family, but other than that, it really has not been just the two of us for a very long time. I was looking forward to a midnight kiss on New Year's Eve, especially since I have never had gotten one. All day he hinted at the fact that he wanted to see his friend that night, even saying that if he was invited to a party that may or may not happen that night, he would go. We went to my house for a few hours to watch a movie he'd wanted to see, then he left to go ring in the new year with his friend. Now he is spending the entire New Year's Day with his friend and wants to watch TV at my house again tonight. I feel like he is going out and having fun and is just using me for the TV. Am I getting upset for no reason?

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I have a distant aunt with whom I'm pretty close, although our families have pretty much lost any contact. When I decided to go to med school, she kept telling me that I had a cousin — her nephew — who studies there and is three years older than me. I got into med school and of course all was forgotten because of exams and so on. In my second year, when things got harder, I remembered my cousin who's now in his fifth year. I assumed a fifth year student could give me lots of precious information about a medical student's life and what to expect, so I got his phone number and sent him a text to say that I'm his cousin from med school. He was very happy to find out about me and said we should meet up. We texted for days and days and he was very nice to me, and I thought myself very lucky to have such a cool cousin.

When we met up, I felt butterflies in my stomach, and I didn't know why. Then, when I saw a picture of his long-distance girlfriend, I felt jealousy running down my spine. I became very interested in him, and he seemed very interested in me, too, so I started researching cousins' marriages on different aspects: legal, religious, and genetic. I found out that a third cousin is actually an eighth-degree relative, and relationships between eighth-degree relatives are accepted both legally and religiously. It made me extremely happy, but I couldn't see why —I may like him as more than my cousin, but we are still somewhat cousins, he has a girlfriend, and I don't know if he could ever feel the same way. On Christmas I met his parents who are really nice people, and they told me that their son was extremely enthusiastic about meeting me. We still get along really, really well, and sometimes I think that maybe I should tell him, but other times I really don't see the point. What do you think?

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My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 14 months now. He is in college, but I am in high school still. We have both been very faithful in our relationship, and he has given me no reason not to trust him, but he planned a vacation with three of his friends, two of whom are girls. He and one of the girls are driving to New Orleans, where the other two live, and they're spending a few days there. I know that I trust him, but this just makes me nervous. I love him and I don't want to mess things up by worrying too much. I can't go on the trip because I am in school that week. What can I do?

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An ex-boyfriend and I have agreed that we are disastrous at dating each other, and after three failed attempts, we swore it off — and we make wonderful friends. We can tell each other anything, and our families never really stopped talking to the ex. There are no insinuations from either side, but they know we're friends. After our last few breakups, we stopped talking for years until the deaths of his grandmother and his friend brought us back together. Despite the years, it was like no time had passed, and we picked up right where we left off in the friendship.

Admittedly, our friendship is an odd one that is often misunderstood by many, including our own significant others who see deeper feelings that don't actually exist. At his ex-fiancée's insistence, we stopped being friends because she thought we were in love and didn't appreciate the challenge to her relationship. At that point, it had been three years since we split, and we were both seeing other people. Despite promising her that nothing would happen, we split amicably and resumed the friendship when they called off the marriage because she was unfaithful.

Realizing that we'd walked back into each other's lives for the 20th time after a split, we are now questioning why. Could it be that we're just compatible as friends?

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I have been friends with a guy for almost 15 years. We grew up down the street from each other and have the same circle of friends. Five years ago, during college, we started "talking." He claims we were dating, but it was never actually declared. He never said that to me or to his friends, who berated him for playing games and screwing up something good. He then effectively blocked every attempt by anyone else — his friends and mine — from trying to date me by staking his claim. It was never overt, but he basically scared off everyone else. When I pushed for an official title, he resisted and instead began dating an ex-girlfriend in a mostly on, sometimes off relationship. We kept in touch and remained friends, and we were occasionally something more when he and his ex were off. The sentiment expressed both during and after their breakup was the existence of feelings for me despite their relationship, but he's yet to make any kind of move in the year since they split.

In an effort to move on with my life, I have tried to cut him out of my life and he objects — loudly and profusely. Whenever I try, something inevitably goes wrong in one of our lives: family cancer scares, death of close friends and family, etc. Then we revert back to 15 years of friendship, love, support, holding hands, and hospital visits.

Psychologically, the back and forth is a bad situation and it is starting to irritate everyone we know on both ends. However, the mutual feelings are insanely obvious to those around us. Plus, any new significant others are compared and found lacking by friends and family alike. We both admit feelings, but acting on it . . . well, it hasn't gotten there yet and may not ever. I know I need to do something, but I can't figure out what it is. This is a vicious cycle. Cutting him out isn't an option because of the circle we've built. What do I do?

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My ex-boyfriend and I have decided to just be friends. We dated in the past for almost three years, then broke up and got back together about five years later. Our last relationship lasted about a year, then we broke up again. We always had problems and issues, but the first time we broke up, it was because he didn't want a serious relationship and he needed to focus on getting into graduate school.The second time we broke up, it's because there were things about him that I couldn't deal with on a daily basis. So we've decided to just be friends, but every time we talk or visit, he turns it into a "Why don't you love me?" thing. He asks to be intimate and wants to be all lovey-dovey. Because I don't share his affection and don't want to hug and kiss him, he gets angry with me. He goes on and on about how I don't care about him. Sometimes he'll pick a fight with me about something really stupid that he doesn't really care about just because he's mad that I don't want to be in an intimate relationship with him anymore. Eventually he'll apologize and say that it's too difficult to be my friend because he is still in love with me. I told him that I understand and maybe that means we can't be friends. Then he says that he doesn't want to stop talking to me and he won't badger me about not being in love with him anymore. Still, we end up going through the same cycle all over again. 

I don't think I can keep going on like this. He tries to make me feel bad for not being in love with him anymore. We've been friends for 12 years and the idea of not being friends or never talking to him again is terrible, but I don't know what else to do. He is a great person but he's one of those people who can suck all the life out of a room. He's negative about everything, always complaining and putting himself down. These are some of the reasons we didn't last as a couple. I know he has depression and he's trying to deal with it, but his attitude is taking its toll on me. He blames himself for the downfall of our relationship and he can't let himself move on, so in turn he gets angry at me for moving on with my life. Can our friendship be saved?

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This year has been the worst for me in terms of love and relationships. I'm an attractive girl, I'm smart and educated, but I seem to keep falling for guys who are not into me or who date me for a while, then realize they don't want to commit. It's taken a real toll on my confidence and self esteem to the point where I don't want to date another guy for at least six months. Not until I can be happy on my own. The problem is, I'm in love with one of my best guy friends.

We've known each other for about a year. At first, we were interested in each other and went on a few dates, but he wasn't ready for a relationship. Truth is, he was in love with his best girlfriend and holding out for her. Things ended up not working out with them and he is now single. Up until Christmas, he would text me every day to say hi. He even made a picture of us his Facebook profile picture, which I thought was odd. For one thing, I don't have a Facebook account, so I couldn't see it unless I looked on my friend's account. And for another, he's told me over and over again that we are just friends. I didn't understand what that meant, if anything.

Anyhow, he invited me to spend Christmas with him since I would be alone, so I did. However, it was the most awkward interaction in the world. I could tell he was uncomfortable being near me. I don't know if he feels like I'm still attracted to him or what, but the person I spent time with wasn't my friend. I felt like he didn't even want me there. He spent the whole night texting until I got aggravated with him and asked him who he was texting. I had driven a long way to spend time with him and it really hurt my feelings to see him more interested in other conversations.

The next day, he changed his Facebook profile picture and now it's just one of him by himself. Words can't describe what I feel for this guy, but to continue with this "unrequited love" hurts so badly. He says that we are really good friends and that I am one of the truest friends he has, but then he acts like a stranger when we're together face to face. I am so confused and hurt. I just wish I could see him platonically but I can't. Not to mention, I am 99% positive he is interested in someone else. Do I continue this year-long friendship where we've grown so close? Or should I cut him out of my life? It hurts both ways, but I want to quit thinking that one day he'll love me when it's hit me in the face that he won't.

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