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I'll keep it brief, because I imagine my issue is one that virtually all women go through at multiple stages of life... Basically, I'm at a certain "milestone" in my life — my first career after college, my first time on my own, my first time having to be an adult in every sense of the word.

Call it a quarter-life crisis, or just a growing pain, but I'm having some seriously deep introspections about who I am, who I want to be, what I want out of life, what I value, what I don't, my place in the world . . . you name it, I'm thinking about it. I'm exploring my spirituality, my needs in love and my career, my general expectations for life. It's exhausting!

I don't want advice on how YOU answered these questions. What I WOULD love are some recommendations for a good book that tackles the issue of identity and, preferably, womanhood. Or any books that you've found to have a profound effect on your own identity and soul-searching. Something that helps us explore who we are and practice the cultivation of sense of self and self-love.

Maybe it is a lofty goal to find all of this in a book . . . but I can't afford therapy. Thanks!

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I am having a hard time making some big decisions in my life right now. My boyfriend and I are currently long distance, but we were together for over two years before that. After he moved, we stayed together for a while and then broke up for a few months because of the distance and unclear future. We got back together at the end of last year and have been trying to make things work since then. We're both aware that we need to be in the same city to make things work, and I started making plans to accomplish that. The thing is, I'm not sure I want to leave. Or rather, I'm pretty sure I don't. I love where I live, I am lucky enough to have an amazing job with advancement potential, and if I do move, I'll be giving all of that up and starting over.

To add another layer, our relationship is not without its issues. When we were in the same place, there was a fair amount of drama, and in the time we were broken up, I was with someone else, and this has caused trust issues and hurt feelings. In spite of this, we love each other, and I want to marry him and start a family. I know that because of his ties to where he is living now, he will not move, so it's up to me to go there, and not vice versa. I told myself that the move was something I was willing to do so we could be together, but that I wouldn't do it without knowing he was really in it and wanted the same future I do.

Recently, though, I've been feeling like I don't want to move at all, and wondering why I should be the one to do it if we both want the relationship to work. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if I should end things and hope that we can remain friends, or if I should suck it up and move for a future I hope we'll have.

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I'll try my best to make this short. I really appreciate any and all advice here, I am so stumped on what to do.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about three months now. I'm 24 he is 28. We met at work, and were not really friends before we started dating. So basically I have some trust issues because I don't really know much about his dating life before we got together, other than the fact that he was kind of a player. 

We have an interesting relationship. Most of the time we are great, have a good time together. He told me he loved me first, probably about two months in. That was a big deal for him because he had only said it to one girl before, and they dated for five years.

A couple weeks ago we had a bad string of fights about all sorts of things, but the past couple weeks have been great with no problems. 

I'm not really sure how much of this back story is relevant, but there it is anyway lol. 

So back to my trust issues.... I snooped in his phone last night because I just had a bad feeling. I know it's totally wrong and an invasion of privacy, but I couldn't help it. Anyways, I found something. A text conversation between him and another girl from last Saturday late night / Sunday afternoon. 

This conversation happened when he was away at a bachelor party all weekend on a boat with a bunch of guys. I was under the impression that he didn't have cell phone service out there, so seeing that he was talking to anyone was kind of a shock, because I didn't hear from him until Monday, only one little text on Saturday. 

He initiated the convo, asking for her to send him a video. She responded that her boyfriend probably wouldn't like the type of video he was trying to get her to send. He then asked her for a picture of her boobs the next afternoon. Thankfully she didn't send one. The whole convo was only around 10 texts, and in it he also made a comment implying that he didn't have a girlfriend. 

I don't want to be conceited, but I'm an attractive girl. This girl he was talking to is really not that pretty and also pretty white trash. 

Also I'm not a prude, we have a great sex life and see each other all the time, so it's not like he's missing anything in that department. I had actually sent him a naked picture two days before this, so why would he go asking another girl for the same thing?

I'm so confused. I really don't know what to do in this situation, so please if anyone has been there, let me know how you handled it. I really want to trust him deep down, and don't think he's actually cheating on me, but this is definitely not ok behavior. What do I do?

Thanks for any help!

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I desperately need some advice. Here goes . . .

Me, my friend, and new boyfriend work at the same workplace. My friend is pretty close to my boyfriend as they work in the same department. I was fine with this before I found out she had a crush on him at the same time as me. It all started when I told her that I had a crush on this guy. I told him how I felt, and we eventually started dating. She then told me that she had a crush on him the same time I did. Even though she had a bf at the time, and she knew that I liked him, she still told him how she felt about him. He didn't respond to her feelings. I had no idea about this until we went on our first date, and my friend told me the next day.

I have never had a problem with their friendship until now. They spend a lot of time together at work (he spends his lunchtime with her), and he never makes any effort to see me at work. I am really uncomfortable about them together now that I know how she once felt, and I can't help but feel anxiety. Am I wrong to feel this way? She has become colder toward me since we started dating, and I don't think she realizes it. I can't go on dating him knowing that they go for coffee together after work and they spend a lot of time together at work.

I have doubts about this guy anyway because he ignores me at work (he wants to keep us a secret because he is worried that we will lose credibility) yet he spends all his spare time with my friend. He texts me once a day (yes, really!) and does not phone. I don't mind that, but it just adds to my doubts about him. Am I being paranoid?

Please help me.

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This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I'm a 23-year-old girl from a Sikh family where all girls in the house are traditionally married off through arranged marriage. I have been told to go and see a boy tomorrow, as my father's friend has insisted we go. I begged and pleaded to my mom that I do not want to go, as I don't believe in arranged marriages and I don't want my life as my sisters', but she didn't want to hear me and refused me to tell the boy no, as the family's "image" will get spoiled. I'm scared. I don't want to get married to some unknown man. I agreed we are just going to see the boy, but I don't want them to say yes. I'm still studying. I don't want this, and my sisters are too far to even help me. I'm so scared and I have no one to listen to me. I have no hope . . . I don't want this . . . please help.

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This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hey, all. I'm thrilled to be engaged to my guy, and we are getting married in a few months. We presently live an ocean apart. I've got loads of support with planning (thank goodness, as I'm not particularly equipped when it comes to weddings), but my dilemma comes from making sure my guy feels included, without feeling bombarded.

Because we have the challenge of distance, we talk — a LOT. I don't want to turn our conversations into glaze-eyed wedding rambles, but I am hoping people out there will have suggestions on how I can include him. One thing I've done is postpone meal selections until he arrives two weeks prior, so he and I can try things out together. But I can't leave everything until the last minute. Since he's a guy, my usual question is, "Do you care about . . . X?" (invitations, cake, etc.) and if he says no, then I just go with it. But ultimately, I do want him to feel included, so he's not just turning up; already the guest list is 98 percent my side! Anyone have any creative suggestions as to how I might make sure he feels involved — as much as a guy wants to be?!

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Please do not judge me and actually give me advice. I've been with my guy for one year and a half now. He has his fair share of friends, including females: which is totally fine with me. I am NOT a jealous person. However, he has this one female friend that he's known for nine years and in he beginning I realized they talked and texted a lot. I even saw two pictures of her in his phone and asked who was she? He told me she was a girl from church.

I let it go, there was no emotions involved plus I trusted him. As the years went on simple things, that would be assumed for a person in a relationship to know, happened, which made my trust for him decrease. Anywho, now his female friend has broken up with her boyfriend of six years, so she confided in him about her relationship. When she met a new guy she shared those stories with him as well. I don't mind her seeking advice in him, but it got to a point where she was texting him at one something in the morning about her problems and that didn't sit well with me, so I told him to let her know about it and for him the same that it was inappropriate on both ends. Not to mention that just recently she had a conversation with him about her thinking she was pregnant and told him the reason because her period didn't come.

I told him that they were too comfortable and that should not be a form of topic because now personal boundaries are being crossed. The thing is, they talk every other day about either about church or her relationship issues and it makes me extremely uncomfortable! Because she is emotionally relying on him ALL the time. It's to a point where I addressed him and told him so, because before I tried to understand but she knows he has a girlfriend and I feel there should be a level of respect. I don't know how to say I don't want her talking to him every other day without SOUNDING jealous. Please help!

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We have been dating for two years now, already talking about marriage. A year ago I changed my facebook relationship status into "in the relationship." He didn't. He is still single in Facebook. I never brought this up as it is sounds childish. Two months ago I changed mine into "single." I figured why would I when he doesn't care about these stuff.

Is this so immature that I want everyone in the world to know that we are in love? He doesn't care about this stuff and he always maintains a high level of privacy and by putting it out there I don't mean to be possessive or let the girls know he is taken. I just want to . . . I don't know, brag about being in love?

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I've been with my boyfriend for four years. We see each other often, though we don't live together (we each have our own kids from prior marriages). We have a lot in common, enjoy each other's company, etc. We're in our 40s, so I hope that by now, we have a better idea of what makes a relationship last.

However . . . I find myself getting hung up on the fact that he hasn't said the magic "I love you." Also, he only recently brought up the idea of meeting his mom a few months ago, but it hasn't happened yet. And now, I told him I'd like to take a vacation to Hawaii and he basically said, "Have a great time!" There was no hint of worry that I might meet someone there, and no "Can I go with you?" We went on two vacations last year and had a great time — one of which I had planned on my own, and he said he wanted to go, too (it was an overseas trip with a lot of difficult cycling, so I didn't ask him at first).

Other than that, he's loyal, and acts like we're practically a long-married couple. Still, should his lack of worry about me vacationing alone, his lack of "I love you" declarations, be a sign that it's time I move on?

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Someone please help me. I have some family issues. Let me start off with my mom. I love my mom, but I can't stand the way she is. Her thoughts are very old fashioned. Let me give some examples. She said I can't move out until I'm married (which is totally not going to happen, I plan to move out when I'm 25 married or not). She doesn't let me or my brother go to clubs because according to her people put drugs in your drinks and start fights with you (I know both of these two things happen but I mean come on I know better) so once my brother went and she practically disowned him for like a week.

She shows me off everywhere saying that I could do this and that and that. She is very judgmental of other people, and when I don't agree with her she gets mad. She could find any excuse to fight with us, if a fly passes by she could pick a fight about it. Her facial expression is always tired, sad, angry. I'm tired of it, I love her but I can't stand her ways. I'm scared that I'm going to end up being like her. I know I could choose the way I live my life, but monkey see monkey do. I'm already starting to notice some things that I do that she does. But then again she's practically all I have in the country we live in.

I do have a brother and a stepfather but my stepfather prefers to be with his family and my brother prefers to be with his girlfriend's family. So I'm left alone with her, since I don't have a boyfriend or that many friends and I feel bad if I leave her alone.

Speaking of my brother I'm so disappointed in him because today we came back from a little gathering his girlfriend's family had. And oh my, he was so loving and social at the gathering and everybody loved him and knew him. Then I think of the times he's home and he's so different it's like he prefers to be with that other family. He doesn't like the way my mom is either. When he's home he is so distant from us and is out practically the whole day everyday with the girlfriend. He gets mad/irritated when we talk to him. But no when he's over with her family or just his girlfriend he's a completely different person and my stepdad does the same thing when his with his family.

So I'm left with my mom and her negative attitude, and I don't want to be like her I'm trying to see things I do the same as her and change them but ughhh it's all genetics and habitual behavior that it's practically now natural to act the way she does. I'm just so sad at this whole situation. I love spending time with my mom and love her to death and I'm thankful of everything she's done for us both, but her negative attitude, prohibitions and old fashioned thinking make me have resentment towards her. Then my brother, I have never seen him act so loving with us or any body of our family when they come to visit. Please help me on both situations. Thanks. Oh, by the way I'm 21 and he's 23.

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