Are You Honest When Your Friends Ask About Their Weight?

March 31, 2008

I don't like to lie, but sometimes I won't tell the whole truth in order to protect someone's feelings. Like when a friend asks if I think they look amazing in an outfit that I wouldn't be caught dead in, I might just point out the elements of it I do like.

It gets trickier when a friend asks you if you think they've gained weight or if you like their new boyfriend. If the honest answer is the negative one, it can be a very hard terrain to negotiate. I aways wonder how other people handle these sorts of predicaments so ladies, how do you deal with these kind of questions? Do you tell your friends the truth when they ask even if it might hurt their feelings?

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38 Comments

megania 5 years 3 weeks

Why lie about an outfit? I don't see the point. If I don't like it, I'll tell you.Weight? I'll try not to lie, but I'll definitely sugarcoat. Boyfriends, on the other hand, I don't know. Sometimes there is no right response. Like BeachBarbie wrote, telling the truth may push a friend closer to that toxic person. The trouble is, lying doesn't exactly pull them away. I watched a friend cut everyone out of her life who didn't like her boyfriend. I hated him, but she was my best friend. I felt sorry for her and I thought hiding my feelings was the best way to be supportive. She ended up marrying him. I, like an idiot, was the maid of honor in a wedding that made me sick to my stomach. Now they've moved away from all her family and friends. He doesn't work. He doesn't go to school. She used to own a house and have a year's salary in the bank all the time. I was in awe of her budgeting skills. She had the best credit of anyone I knew. Now she's three states away--deeply in debt, living in a tiny apartment, working 50+ hours a week to support him, and digging a deeper hole every day. It makes me wish I'd spoken up earlier because, in the end, I lost my friend anyway.

megania 5 years 3 weeks

Why lie about an outfit? I don't see the point. If I don't like it, I'll tell you. Weight? I'll try not to lie, but I'll definitely sugarcoat. Boyfriends, on the other hand, I don't know. Sometimes there is no right response. Like BeachBarbie wrote, telling the truth may push a friend closer to that toxic person. The trouble is, lying doesn't exactly pull them away. I watched a friend cut everyone out of her life who didn't like her boyfriend. I hated him, but she was my best friend. I felt sorry for her and I thought hiding my feelings was the best way to be supportive. She ended up marrying him. I, like an idiot, was the maid of honor in a wedding that made me sick to my stomach. Now they've moved away from all her family and friends. He doesn't work. He doesn't go to school. She used to own a house and have a year's salary in the bank all the time. I was in awe of her budgeting skills. She had the best credit of anyone I knew. Now she's three states away--deeply in debt, living in a tiny apartment, working 50+ hours a week to support him, and digging a deeper hole every day. It makes me wish I'd spoken up earlier because, in the end, I lost my friend anyway.

MissyCat 5 years 4 weeks

I try to consider what I'd be comfortable hearing if the situations were reversed and let that temper my response somewhat.

brutalcupcake 5 years 6 weeks

It really depends on strongly I feel. If I truly despise the outfit or the boyfriend is a total jerk, I'll do my best to gently, but firmly, let her know my opinion.

BeachBarbie 5 years 6 weeks

Clothing, makeup, and hair:I focus on the good things that I like, and compliment them on those things. Also, it depends on how close I am to the friend that is asking me. I'm really picky about my clothes, makeup, hair, and just in general of what I think looks good or flattering on me (kind of a perfectionist). So, I always take that into consideration when my friends ask me questions...because, they may not be into all this stuff as I am. This is a really hard question. Truthfully, there have been times that I've totally sugar coated things. I don't want to hurt any of my friends feelings. Especially, if they really love it and if feels right for them...also, if they already bought it and wore/used it. Now, if they haven't purchased the outfit or whatever it is...I offer up different suggestions, and carefully word what I say. I want them to look their best...just like when I worked in retail, I wanted the most flattering clothes for my customer.Weight:When it comes to weight...I don't say much at all. Because, I don't think it does a bit of good. If, a person needs to gain or lose weight they know it. I just cheer them on and offer support...if that's cool with them. I've seen too many people b*tch about their weight and when other people say to them..you need to lose weight..all it seems to do is make the person eat more.About boyfriends and girlfriends: I'm tactful and honest. Also, I might subtly bring up a few things for them to think about if I think the relationship is toxic...and they usually all come to the same conclusion sooner or later. I don't have morons for friends..so I trust they know what's best for them. Also, no one knows everything and exactly what goes on in a relationship except, the two people in it. Also, I'm always there for my friends through the good and the bad. I love my friends, and I want to see them happy. (Also, I've seen the same thing..with this as with people who eat more...when others tell them they should lose weight. If, people constantly tell a person..break up with this guy/girl..it tends to make the friend not talk to those people anymore and pushes them even closer to the toxic person.) So, I find it best to be a good listener and ask questions so, they can figure it out themselves. :oops: Sorry for such a long response.

BeachBarbie 5 years 6 weeks

Clothing, makeup, and hair: I focus on the good things that I like, and compliment them on those things. Also, it depends on how close I am to the friend that is asking me. I'm really picky about my clothes, makeup, hair, and just in general of what I think looks good or flattering on me (kind of a perfectionist). So, I always take that into consideration when my friends ask me questions...because, they may not be into all this stuff as I am. This is a really hard question. Truthfully, there have been times that I've totally sugar coated things. I don't want to hurt any of my friends feelings. Especially, if they really love it and if feels right for them...also, if they already bought it and wore/used it. Now, if they haven't purchased the outfit or whatever it is...I offer up different suggestions, and carefully word what I say. I want them to look their best...just like when I worked in retail, I wanted the most flattering clothes for my customer. Weight: When it comes to weight...I don't say much at all. Because, I don't think it does a bit of good. If, a person needs to gain or lose weight they know it. I just cheer them on and offer support...if that's cool with them. I've seen too many people b*tch about their weight and when other people say to them..you need to lose weight..all it seems to do is make the person eat more. About boyfriends and girlfriends: I'm tactful and honest. Also, I might subtly bring up a few things for them to think about if I think the relationship is toxic...and they usually all come to the same conclusion sooner or later. I don't have morons for friends..so I trust they know what's best for them. Also, no one knows everything and exactly what goes on in a relationship except, the two people in it. Also, I'm always there for my friends through the good and the bad. I love my friends, and I want to see them happy. (Also, I've seen the same thing..with this as with people who eat more...when others tell them they should lose weight. If, people constantly tell a person..break up with this guy/girl..it tends to make the friend not talk to those people anymore and pushes them even closer to the toxic person.) So, I find it best to be a good listener and ask questions so, they can figure it out themselves. :oops: Sorry for such a long response.

LadyP 5 years 7 weeks

The weight issue is very touchy and I try to avoid it at all costs. On the other hand, I wonder how many of my friends have "avoided" the questions about an outfit or my weight...hmmm...

kiwitwist 5 years 7 weeks

I am honest about outfits but if they ask me if I think they are fat, LOL I am not going to say yes, that is just rude.

RustyAngel73 5 years 7 weeks

I'll be honest but try to say it in a constructive, nice way. Like if they say they think they've gained weight and they have, I'll say "yeah, a little, but you still look hot" type thing.

Hex 5 years 7 weeks

I’m very blunt and less than tactful. I never got the hang of lying to be nice.

aimeeb 5 years 7 weeks

I'd tell someone in a nice way if they asked, even though it's hard to find a nice way to tell someone that. I think there are ways around it without having to say "you look fat."

samischo 5 years 7 weeks

when it comes to fashion, i tell them if i don't like it. why wouldn't i want my friends to look their hottest when we're going out or doing something?! but when it comes to weight with my close friends, i usually sugarcoat it, but mostly because i know they have had eating disorders and i don't want them to relapse!

samischo 5 years 7 weeks

when it comes to fashion, i tell them if i don't like it. why wouldn't i want my friends to look their hottest when we're going out or doing something?!but when it comes to weight with my close friends, i usually sugarcoat it, but mostly because i know they have had eating disorders and i don't want them to relapse!

emalove 5 years 7 weeks

I don't think I could ever tell any of my friends that what they're wearing makes them look large or that they've gained weight. I just couldn't do it. I hate hurting peoples' feelings and I'd feel terrible.

linb 5 years 7 weeks

Most of the time I will be completely honest with them. That's what friends are for!

lily8206 5 years 7 weeks

I'd be honest about the boyfriend if he did something awful to either me or her. Then I definitely wouldn't hide how I felt. If we just clashed then I wouldn't say anything because it's not going to result is anything positive. If any weight gain was super obvious then I'd doubt a girl would ask... so if it's subtle enough that she'd question it a little then I'd just probably say I hadn't noticed anything.

lily8206 5 years 7 weeks

I'd be honest about the boyfriend if he did something awful to either me or her. Then I definitely wouldn't hide how I felt.If we just clashed then I wouldn't say anything because it's not going to result is anything positive.If any weight gain was super obvious then I'd doubt a girl would ask... so if it's subtle enough that she'd question it a little then I'd just probably say I hadn't noticed anything.

frimpled 5 years 7 weeks

If they're a close friend, I'm brutally honest. If I don't care about them, I'll "sugar-coat" it. But I'm very, very honest with my close friends. I'll tell them if an outfit is disgusting or if they ask, if they look fatter/skinnier. And they never have to ask me if their boyfriend sucks. If he does, I've probably told them about it already. :)

bellaressa 5 years 7 weeks

I tried to sugarcoat and I don't know how but they all know when I am lying and they won't tell me what gives me away. So, yes I try but I would rather just be honest and vice verse.

cvandoorn 5 years 7 weeks

I'm brutally honest with my friends, and I expect them to be the same way with me.

cubadog 5 years 7 weeks

If a friend asks me if it looks like they have gained weight I tell them the truth in the kindest way that I can. If you don't want an honest answer than don't ask me.

popgoestheworld 5 years 7 weeks

There is almost always a tactful way to answer difficult questions. If someone is asking me something directly, I do them the courtesy of answering honestly. My friends know me well enough to know to expect a real answer. If they want BS they can go elsewhere.As for the question of liking their boyfriend... well too many of my friends have recently selected partners that I think aren't well-suited for them. I had my chance to say something when they weren't engaged/married but now it's too late. So I will be completely honest in the future. You have to be especially careful with that though, because you can lose friends over that. But if I could go back and lose my friend, and have her not marry the guy she's with, I'd make that tradeoff on her behalf.

popgoestheworld 5 years 7 weeks

There is almost always a tactful way to answer difficult questions. If someone is asking me something directly, I do them the courtesy of answering honestly. My friends know me well enough to know to expect a real answer. If they want BS they can go elsewhere. As for the question of liking their boyfriend... well too many of my friends have recently selected partners that I think aren't well-suited for them. I had my chance to say something when they weren't engaged/married but now it's too late. So I will be completely honest in the future. You have to be especially careful with that though, because you can lose friends over that. But if I could go back and lose my friend, and have her not marry the guy she's with, I'd make that tradeoff on her behalf.

kimberly_86 5 years 7 weeks

The only girls I'm almost always honest in an "i love you and am not being critical in any way shape or form" kind of way are my mom and my sister. Other than that I'll say if it's an obviously strange looking outfit, or if it doesn't fit quite right. When it comes to the boyfriend thing, be careful!! I've lost two best best best friends because they would ask me for advice, I would give them my most honest answer, always wanting only the best, and it would get back to the boyfriends, who in turn filled their heads with nastiness about me that was untrue :( :( So I suppose the girls in question never were best best best friends like I had thought, but like I said, be careful who you trust enough to be completely honest with! Most people don't want an honest answer anyways...unfortunately.

sunshowers83 5 years 7 weeks

I can't lie about these things. When I do, my voice gets all weird and squeaky, so it's really obvious that I'm not being truthful. I just pray that these things don't come up. Usually, I preempt these awkward situations by paying the friend a genuine compliment first. It works because they don't end up fishing for more. However, I can be brutally honest when the subject matter isn't something superficial, like clothes or weight. Like if my friend's boyfriend is an asshole, I'll definitely pipe up.

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