This If You Had To is a bit of a departure from the others, because these two are actually kinda hot underneath all their crunky skank. The English have a knack for producing this "addicted pirate who is allergic to bathing" type. In one corner, I present you with Russell Brand. Apparently, he is the best thing about Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Did I mention he is a recovering heroin and sex addict? And in the other corner, Pete Doherty. (What is this dude not addicted to?) Who would you have dirty pirate sex with, if you had to. . .