Are You a Commitmentphobe?

September 10, 2009

We hear about commitment-phobic men all the time, but not all women are looking for commitment, either.

Sometimes people want to be single, and it's not always pathological. Maybe it's their time to sow wild oats, maybe they want to discover themselves, or maybe they had a bad breakup and are nursing their wounds.

But when someone perpetually avoids committing to others, even when that person seems compatible with them and there's nothing else in their way, there's a chance deeper issues are at work. If you say yes to this question — why do you think you are, and do you think it's a problem?

Source: Getty

17 Comments

MissSophia 3 years 36 weeks

I'm definately a commitmentphobe when it comes to relationships. I think Im too scared to allow the other person to know the real me and then they wont like me. But when it comes to other things like work, if the manager asks me to do something I do it straight away. I dont really procrastinate.

MissSophia 3 years 36 weeks

Muirnea 3 years 36 weeks

I don't think I'm a commitmentphobe...right now I don't want to be in a relationship b/c I recently broke up with the ex, so not really feeling other guys right now. I want to date lots of people to figure out what I really want before I settle down, and I want to do whatever I want at this point and "discover" me right now, and not have to worry about someone else. And I love hanging out with my girl friends, they are awesome. :) I don't want a serious guy right now. :D

3 years 36 weeks

i should also say hes admitted to being a commitmentphobe but doesnt want to lose our friendship!

3 years 36 weeks

@ kia, how did u work through your sh*t? i've been in a dating slump for years, meaning i go out, get bored and nothing serious really materializes. guys r interested in me, but im not really interested in them.I dont think im over my "friend" who i've known for years but just wants to be friends. just trying to work on my sh*t, but not sure how!

3 years 36 weeks

I'm not a commitment phobe - I do the opposite and put so much into a relationship that I have nothing left. I simply feel empty and like my efforts will never be reciprocated. I'm pretty sure that feeling will turn me into one before long though.

poptart princess 3 years 36 weeks

i agree with TidalWave. it's just how it is for me, and i don't really care to change it, i have enough going on with work and school and my own self and i can't handle someone else needing that kind of time, affection, whatever from me. plus i don't have any desire to get married at this point in my life... why waste my time and feelings ( as well as the boy's )getting to know a guy deeply when we're just going to end up parting ways?

TidalWave 3 years 36 weeks

ive been independent for so long that i definitely hate the idea of being dependent on someone or having someone that dependent on me

oohsexypenguin 3 years 36 weeks

I am not exactly a commitmentphobe (I'm married, after all), but I do have trouble getting close to people. My husband says I'm a bit of an intimacyphobe. I'm fine with being in a serious relationship, but I start to freak out once it comes to sharing feelings. I guess it's a defense mechanism left over from childhood, and I'm definitely trying to work on it.

cfp 3 years 36 weeks

Definitely a commitmentphobe, which is ironic since I am newly in a relationship. I think it is because I have been single for many years and I have loved every minute of it. Not that I am out there playing the field, I have just really enjoyed my independence and not having to worry about another person when I make a big decision. If I wanted to pack up and move across the country, I could. Now I have this other person I need to think of which terrifies me. It's very hard to get over the fear of being part of a "couple" and recognize that I care about someone enough to stick around. I'm fine when it's just the two of us hanging out or doing things because I don't think about us as being in a relationship or committed to each other. It's just me spending time with someone I have feelings for...but as we reach those staple relationship milestones (meeting my friends, I recently met his brother, meeting my parents, etc) I have a really hard time with it. I have a hard time moving out of casual dating mode.

kia 3 years 36 weeks

I used to be, then I worked through my sh*t, realized I was a great catch, and became more selective about who I chose to spend my time with. It is easier to commit when you are honest about yourself and your standards.

totygoliguez 3 years 36 weeks

Yes, I'm terrify of commitment. I think that I'm very afraid of losing myself in the way or to be too in love with someone that I lose all touch with reality.

3 years 36 weeks

I am a commmitment phobe. A onversation with a guy friend who always heard about my failed dates/ failed sparks with men ended up in a revelation of myself. I have such an intense fear of having the disastrous marriage that my parents had that I am willing to find fault with almost every reltionship I have. I am not exactly sure how to let their relationship not affect me but at least now I know when I meet a guy it is probably me with the problem.

3 years 36 weeks

I am, so even though I'm only 18, my friends are scared I'll be left on the shelf. Btw, what is that pic???! Lol!!

mamasitamalita 3 years 36 weeks

I am not a commitment phobe in terms of love..... but as soon as I clicked "no", I realized that I do sometimes have trouble committing to plans... like if someone will ask me to do something I'll leave it tentative in case I change my mind. just a weird thing about me that I am probably going to go think about the rest of the day... :)

mandaleebee 3 years 36 weeks

I voted that I am not a commitmentphobe, but similarly to @lixystix, I also go on a couple of dates and then I am sort of over it. I get bored, or think there is no connection. Maybe subconciously I am not ready for something serious... but I believe when someone I'll actually click with comes around, and they feel the same way about me, I will be open to commitment.

lixystix 3 years 36 weeks

I had my heart broken last november after being with my exboyfriend for 4 years. I was not totally out of the blue, but I wanted to work on things and he just did not love me anymore. We ended up having classes together and trying to keep the same circle of friends so the breakup wounds did not start healing until we graduated in may. Now that we are in different places i still find myself unable to accept any new prospects into my life. It works like clockwork--i get giddy about someone new, go on two or three dates with them, and then BOOM i get disgusted by them and never want to see them again. textbook commitment phobe.

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17 Comments

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