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You Asked: Is his Friend Off Limits?

Dear Sugar--
I met a guy 4 weeks ago and I've been seeing him for about 3 weeks now. He always says that we're just "hanging out" when people ask him what is going on between us. He tells me that he's not ready for a relationship yet because 6 months ago he got out of a 3 year relationship and thinks we should take things slow and see where we end up.


A week after I started seeing my guy, I met one of his really good friends! I already know that I want to end things with the guy I'm seeing now because we really don't have much in common, and I don't want to waste my time waiting for him to be ready for a relationship. My problem is that I have fallen for his really good friend and his friend has fallen for me. We secretly talk to each other over the phone and we see each other out constantly when we are all together. Me and the other guy have talked and we both agree that we don't want to hurt the guy that I'm seeing right now but we want to be together.

The other problem is that the guy that I'm seeing is kind of a big deal in my city, and I don't want to piss him off in any way. What I guess I'm trying to ask is if it is OK if I break up with him and then just play it off like his friend and I just kind of fell for each other after some time has passed? I think that it might even be love at first sight between me and the new guy; we have the same morals and we come from the same background, our families are so much alike, not to mention that we come from the same country overseas! I already know that this guy is someone that I need in my life and I don't want to pass him up and he feels the same! I just don't want to hurt the guy that I'm "seeing" now. So if you have any advice on my situation, please let me know! -- Rocking the Boat Rory

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Dear Rocking the Boat Rory--

Getting in-between two friends can get really sticky, but that isn't to say you shouldn't follow your heart. I understand how you feel, I think many people have fallen for their boyfriend's friends before, but you must proceed with caution. Since you have clearly already made your decision about which you want to be with, I advise you to end your relationship with the guy you are currently dating ASAP. Sneaking around behind his back is what will most likely upset him more than anything else.

Since he has been open with you about his feelings towards your relationship, it's only fair for you to do the same. It sounds like you respect him and share some mutual friends, so in order to maintain a civil relationship, you must be honest him. Let him know that you feel a stronger connection with his friend and while you really enjoyed "hanging out" together, you need to follow your heart and do what's best for you. From the sounds of it, you and his buddy are developing a real connection, so if you truly feel like he could be someone special in your life, you're right, you shouldn't deny those feelings, just beware you might have to suffer some consequences and be the cause of some hurt feelings as a result.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance, follow your instincts and go for it. I wish you luck and hope everything works out for the best.

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