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You Asked: Why Doesn't He Want Me to Come Out With His Friends?

You Asked: Why Doesn't He Want Me to Come Out With His Friends?


Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for nine months. We have a great relationship and one I don't want to give up on. The issue is this: I always include him with my social outings but he has yet to include me with any of his. I am a social person and he is more of a home-body, but when he does go out with his friends, he never includes me. I want to meld the two worlds together (my friends and his friends), but still maintain a balance of our own personal time with our own friends. I have mentioned all of this to him before and no actions have been taken to include me.

I'm so confused and feel that having this separation is causing me to have trust issues since I only know one of his friends (his roommate). I am not a controlling person, I feel as though I'm a ghost in his world. Do you have any words of advice?
— Left in the Dust Danielle

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Dear Left in the Dust Danielle,

The fact that you only know one of your boyfriend's friends and you've been together almost a year is a big red flag to me. It seems as though he's deliberately trying to keep his personal life separate from his life with you, which leads me to believe that he's hiding something. I'm glad to hear that you've voiced your concern, but what does he say in return? I don't blame you for developing trust issues so I advise you to readdress the subject once again.

Perhaps you could suggest organizing a get together with both sets of your friends so they can all finally meet each other. Or see if he will compromise and bring you out with him every few times he's with his friends. The company you keep says a lot about who you are so I'd get to the bottom of this ASAP. Trust your gut Danielle and listen to your intuition about this guy. Good luck to you.

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