You Asked: Why Does he Want a Break?

Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend recently told me he needs a break. He told me it wasn't about me, but rather it's all about him. I don't understand how it's not about me. I feel like he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He says he loves me and no matter what, he always will. What is that supposed to mean?

I have tried to talk to him about it but every time I do I am just a basket case. I want to give him what he wants, but I am so afraid of the outcome. I don't know what to do. I know I need to just focus on myself and let him do his thing, but that is so hard when my heart misses him so much. Any suggestions?? --Is it me Margret


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Dear Is it me Margret--

I am sorry that your heart hurts right now. Breakups are tough, especially when you are not the one who initiated the split, so it is important to lean on your loved ones and talk to your friends if you are having a hard time accepting your boyfriend's decision.

You're right, sometimes men use the term, "it's not you, it's me" as a cop out, as a way to ease the blow, but other times, they are being genuine. The only way to have a good relationship is to be comfortable with yourself so you can give love and companionship to your partner, so if he isn't ready to do that right now, he is making the mature choice to focus on himself. Has your ex been going through a rough patch? Is he changing his career or struggling with money? If he is working through some issues, has he reassured you that once he has sorted them out there is hope for your relationship?

If you are a basket case after talking to your ex, break the cycle and stop contacting him. Holding onto false expectations is only going to make your breakup process more difficult. If he can't give you an answer about your future right now, you have to respect his decision. Time is a great healer; before you know it you will be ready to move on. I hope this helps, good luck to you.

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