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You Asked: Why Can't I Get a Date?

You Asked: Why Can't I Get a Date?


Dear Sugar,

I haven't had a relationship in over seven years and I am wondering what is wrong with me. It seems that everyone around me is either engaged or setting a date to be married, and I don't even have a boyfriend! I have dated a few guys, but I'm always the one left wondering what went wrong. I can't help but think that it must be me. I live alone, I have a profession, I own my own car, and live in a nice apartment that's beautifully finished. People keep telling me that marriage will happen for me, but I'm not convinced. And, if it does, I'll probably be too darn old to even enjoy it! And, lastly, it makes me feel even more inadequate when my mother tells me how pretty I am, but doesn't understand why I can't find anyone. Do you have any advice? I am already seeing a therapist because I think that I'm going crazy! — At My Wits' End Amy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear At My Wits' End Amy,

There's nothing worse than feeling like you're the odd woman out — I've been there — but dwelling on the fact that you haven't met anyone will only make things worse. Finding someone special isn't easy and it won't happen overnight. You have to endure a lot of trial and error and perhaps a few broken hearts, but most of all, you have to be patient. It sounds like you have a lot going for you, so use that to your advantage — get yourself out there and meet people! As E. Jean put it, it's a mathematical certainty that you'll meet someone if you place yourself where there are high numbers of men. Football season is about to start, so get your girls together and hit up your local pub on game day. Keep your eyes open while you're at the gym, take walks in the park after work, and Amy, don't forget to ask your friends, your friends of friends, or even your co-workers to set you up — it works sometimes, you know!

While I'm sure your mom means well, be firm and to the point when you tell her that you'd appreciate it if she'd stop with the questions and pressure. The way you feel inside is bound to show on your exterior, so as hard as it may be, you must think positively. I wish I had an answer for you as to why you haven't met "the one" yet; unfortunately, and as cliche as it may sound, it'll only happen when the timing is right. Good luck.

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