You Asked: Why Are All These Guys the Same?

Dear Sugar--


All of the men I date have something in common: they all have divorced parents and a bad or strange relationship with their fathers. My friends say that since the men I date are usually brought up by strong and independent women, that maybe that is why they like me. None of these relationships have worked for me.

Should I ask about their parents' relationship before I get serious with them? Should I avoid the guys with divorced parents and bad relationships with their fathers? Is there a reason I seek these type of guys out or is it just coincidence?

--Sick of Bad Dates Dana

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Dear Sick of Bad Dates Dana--

It's a sad fact the divorce rate in America keeps rising , so it's no wonder that many of the men you go out with have parents who are splitsville. I don't think they are seeking you out or visa versa, it's just a coincidence.

I do see your point about people who have gone through divorce or who have bad relationships with the primary male figure in their life - it can really screw up their perception of what a respectful relationship is supposed to be like, or what their role is as the man. In their defense, I have to say that growing up with this type of family situation doesn't automatically mean that they can't be in a successful and loving relationship with you.

That being said, I don't think you should mark divorced parents as a character flaw in your dating notebook, or discount people just because of their family situation. It really isn't fair to give up on people before you've given them a chance. Dating is tough and most guys are not going to be the perfect match for you -- they don't call him Mr. Right for nothing, so hang in there on the dating scene and I'm sure you'll soon find "the one."

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