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You Asked: What's Up With His No-Mix Policy?

You Asked: What's Up With His No-Mix Policy?


Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years. One of the most frustrating things for me is that he never invites me to hang out with him and his friends, guys or girls. He's even admitted to this, saying that he doesn't like to "mix his worlds." This makes me so hurt and angry! I feel like he's not proud that I'm his girlfriend and that he's trying to hide me. I've talked to him about this and he says that that is not at all how he feels, he just doesn't like to "mix his worlds" (he uses this phrase EVERY time I bring this issue up). But I still can't help feeling like he just doesn't want me around.

I've hung out with his friends on occasion (at his birthdays and a few random parties) and I make sure I'm out there socializing with his friends rather than hovering shyly around my guy. When I run into his friends on the street, we always say hi and stop to chat for a bit. There's obviously no awkwardness between us and they all seem to like me, so I don't really understand why my boyfriend is like this. Can you help shed some light? -- Alone Abbi

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Dear Alone Abbi --

As someone that has many different groups of friends, I can understand the pressure of not wanting to mix them, but having a no-mix policy with your romantic partner is unacceptable if you ask me. When you are together with someone for three years, your worlds should be combined, not separate.

There is a time and a place for alone time with your buddies, but his distance makes me think he is up to no good. Talk to him again and ask for more of an explanation. Let him know that separating you from a part of his life makes you feel as though he isn't proud of you. Ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed - I could almost guarantee he would feel the same way. Try coming to the table with a compromise: suggest one night of the weekend you all hang out and let him be alone with the boys the other night. If he still doesn't budge, you might want to reconsider this relationship. You deserve to date someone that wants to be with you every chance he can, not to mention show you off to his friends, so if you aren't getting what you need from him, I am sure there is someone else out there that can give you what you want and deserve. Good luck.

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