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You Asked: Are We Just Too Different?


Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I appear to be from two different planets. Our faiths are as different as can be - I'm a Christian, he is agnostic. We differ on just about everything, yet I truly love him. When I'm with him and we don't discuss the taboos - religion and politics, everything is good. But the second these come up, or things that are sensitive to one of us, things go south. Take for example our most recent fight - he mentioned that if he were to be a quadriplegic, he would rather die. Both of my grandparents were paraplegics and I take serious offense to this. While I realize that this is a personal decision, this is something that I cannot support, given the way that I was raised. I sometimes wonder if this relationship is workable. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? -- Worried About it Amanda

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Dear Worried About it Amanda --

You are not alone, Amanda. Many couples come from different cultural and religious backgrounds and have varying views on politics and religion, but if you love him, I have faith that you can get past your differences. In my opinion, being with someone who doesn't always have the same views as you is a good thing - it pushes you to look beyond your own ethics and learn another point of view.

I am not sure if you are talking about the future with this man, but if you are, it's important to discuss the big picture. Make sure you are on the same page about marriage, money, family, children (and how you will approach religion with your children), career, etc.

Opposites attract, but you can't avoid the taboo topics forever - sometimes you just need to agree to disagree. Think about how boring life would be if everyone had the same opinions! Trust your gut instincts here - if your love for him can overcome your differences, great, but if you truly feel that you are from two different worlds at the end of the day, you might want to be with someone who's on your same page. Good luck to you.

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