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You Asked: Should I Pack My Bags?






Dear Sugar--
My boyfriend of two years wants me to leave Germany and emigrate to the U.S. with him. He has been offered a great job there, but what about me? Without a visa I won't be able to work. I am undecided - should I stay here and lose him or should I go with him and give up my career? -- Between a Rock Rory

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Dear Between a Rock Rory --

This is a really loaded question and there are so many facets to it but when it comes down to it, you need to follow your heart. The fact that he asked you to take this journey with him makes me know he really loves and cares about you, but you're right, it's a lot to ask of you. Picking up your life, leaving your native country, your friends, family and your career, takes a lot of courage but if you love him, and think there is a possibility to spend the rest of your life with him, it might be well worth the risk in the long run. Are you hesitant about moving without a commitment? Have you discussed your fears with him?

If you choose to make the move, it's important to go to the U.S with a game plan for yourself. If you don't have a job, many friends, or something to occupy your time with, you could end up resenting your boyfriend or regretting your decision. Just because you don't have a working visa now doesn't mean you can't get one. The US is known as the land of possibility, and while I don't know what industry you're in, do a little research, send out your resume, and see what happens. You might also ask if your boyfriend's company can sponsor you as his dependent. All companies are different, but if they are moving him across the world for his job, they might expect that you two are a package deal.

One thing that always helps me make big decisions is writing out a pro and con list. Think about what you could possibly be gaining by making this move and then think about what you would be losing if you stayed. This is a very personal decision, but one thing you should keep in mind is that nothing is permanent -- if you move and regret it, you can always move back -- and if you decide to stay, but feel the tug to be with the man you love, I am sure he would welcome you with open arms. Good luck!

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