You Asked: Should I Move in with my Boyfriend?

Dear Sugar--


I've never lived with anyone else except for family. Sadly my family and I don't have a healthy relationship at all. As bad as they treat me they are all I have, and I don't think I want to put any strain on our relationship.

Now at 24 years old, I have a steady job and an amazing boyfriend. He's asked me to move in with him and his dad (his father's not healthy). We've known each other for 7 years (since high school) and have been dating for 5 months.

I know that if I do this, my family will not speak to me (they are a strict Hispanic family), and I can’t possibly be 100% happy doing something I know my family doesn't approve of. Do I finally do what I want to do and move in with my boyfriend knowing my family won't speak to me? -- I Can't Win Wilma

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Dear I Can't Win Wilma--

It sounds like you’re stuck in a tough situation. You're definitely right about your family – they are incredibly important, and while you don't want to do anything to put a damper on an already rocky relationship, it isn't fair for you to feel forced into an unhealthy home life, even if they are your own flesh and blood.

If your parents are treating you disrespectfully, you should have a big talk with them. As hard as it may be, they need to know how their actions are affecting you. Explain your desire to move out and gain your independence and freedom. Are your parents opposed to you living with your boyfriend before marriage or moving out of their home all together? Have you brought up this topic before?

If your parents are not willing to acknowledge their part in your tainted relationship, unfortunately you're going to have to make a tough decision. Weigh the pros and the cons of each living situation and listen to your gut instinct. Perhaps having some space from your family will actually be good for your relationship. Although they are pushing their strong religious beliefs on you, you need to be confident in making the best decision for you. I wish you luck Wilma!

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