You Asked: Should I Move in?

Dear Sugar--

I'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend who has two kids, 4 and 2. She is married and is going through a tough divorce. We have only been together for 5 months, but I absolutely adore and love her. But we are currently in a situation where her ex-husband just shows up, unannounced, to her apartment, and harasses her to get back together with him. It has become a very frustrating situation because my girlfriend has made it very clear that she has no interest and that their marriage is long over.


She has asked me to move in with her, and while I do love her, I just don't feel like we are ready to take that step in our relationship. It is very unsettling for me when her ex comes around her and her kids because he has an abusive past, and I don't want to move in with her to be her protector. Sometimes I just feel like ending it, like there is simply too much baggage, but other times I feel like this could be true love. I am at a total loss and would love some advice. -- Looking out Lawrence

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Dear Looking out Lawrence--

Yes, it does sound like your girlfriend has a lot of baggage, but that isn't to say a solid relationship can't come out of this rocky situation. I think admitting that you are simply not ready to move in with your girlfriend is very bold and honest of you so don't make a move that you will later regret. I understand you want to protect the woman you love, but if you move in with her before you're emotionally ready, you could damage the foundation of a blossoming relationship.

If your girlfriend's ex-husband continues to harass her, you might want to suggest a retraining order -- this man needs to respect her space and desire to move on with her life and it sounds as though he is simply adding more fuel to the fire. She is a grown woman and has to be able to make her own decisions, including standing up for herself and being her own protector. While it is easy to worry about her well being and want to be her knight in shining armor, in the long run you're going to be better off by simply loving her and being there to support her life choices. Once things settle down and you feel ready to take the next step in your relationship, you can re-visit moving in together, but until then, do what feels right and don't compromise your gut instinct. Good luck.

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