You Asked: Should I Give Up Already?


Dear Sugar,

I met a new girl through my job — she orders supplies through our company. Initially she did all of the flirting, asked specifically for me every time she came in, and even mentioned that she could tell I had been
working out. The last time she was in the office, I asked her for her number, and she immediately gave it to me and asked me for mine. After about three days, I finally decided to call her; her phone was off at the time so I was forced to leave a message. Two days passed and she still hadn't called back, so I called again and left another message. Another two days passed, and again there was no response. I called one final time and her phone was disconnected.

Three weeks passed, and I had accepted that she really wasn't into me, but then she called my job looking for a particular item again. She told me the reason she never called was because she lost her phone and she had just gotten her replacement. I got her new number and called her later that night. She answered and told me that she was hanging out with her friends, and she would have to call me back. Two days passed, and I called her again. This time she was at a birthday party and she couldn't talk. About a week ago, I called one last time, but she couldn't talk because she was busy.

I'm so confused because she seemed so into me every time she came into the store, but as soon as I started pursuing things, she started acting strange. I want to know what changed, and I'm tempted to ask her if she ever comes in again. Why would she suddenly act differently? Should I forget about her and move on?

— Persistent Paul

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Dear Persistent Paul,

While it does certainly sound like this woman was giving you some mixed signals at the beginning, I think now it's safe to say that she's made her intentions, or lack thereof, pretty clear. The truth of the matter is that if she wanted to pursue a relationship with you, at the very least, she would return your phone calls, and in all likelihood, even stop what she's doing to spend a few minutes talking with you.

As to why she happily handed over her number and asked for yours in return if she didn't intend on following through, I can't say for sure. It's very possible that she thought you were cute and enjoyed flirting but didn't want a relationship. Or she might have met someone else. Either way, I'm sure you can find someone much more eager to be with you. Keep in mind that a good indicator of interest is a returned phone call; if someone can take the time to call you back, they obviously want to take a few minutes more to get to know you better.

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