I am a man looking for the advice of women since my male friends aren't sensitive enough to comprehend what I'm going through. I had been going out with this girl on and off for four and a half years. I truly loved her and she was my best friend. We were happy and we shared some of the best times of our lives. But a few months back, while I was on and she was off, she stopped talking to me all together. I tried desperately to get a hold of her but she never called or emailed me back.
Finally she came around again and asked for some space. At first, I refused because I was scared of losing her again but I eventually respected her wishes and let her be on her own but we never called it quits officially; the relationship was simply put on hold. Not long after, I discovered that she had been seeing this other guy during her "time alone." When I confronted her about this, she said she only wanted to be my friend and lied about her new guy so that I would stay friends with her. Feeling betrayed and led on, I told her that she was out of my life for good and that I could never be friends with someone who would break my heart so easily.
Two weeks later I'm still in agony over losing a girl I considered to be my soul mate. I need help deciding whether or not I should try to forgive her and talk things through with her. Could we ever be friends again (maybe more)? Or should I wipe the slate clean and forget about her completely?
— Broken-Hearted Brandon
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Dear Broken-Hearted Brandon,
I'm sorry you're suffering right now. Even under the best of circumstances, ending a relationship is usually difficult and can require months of healing. The desire to want to right all wrongs is normal, but it's important that you view the situation rationally. Your ex made the decision to be with someone else, and in a meager attempt to maintain your friendship, she lied to you about it rather than addressing her position honestly. It could be that she just wanted to protect your feelings, but it could also be that she wanted to protect her own so she wouldn't have to feel guilty.
In my opinion, it's time to move on. And I think it'd be in your best interest to abandon the idea of a continuing friendship, at least for now. Give yourself some distance from this girl so that you can see things more objectively. If you decide that you can forgive her then let it be something you do for yourself to let go.