You Asked: Should I Confront Him?


Dear Sugar,

I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and we get along great for the most part. He looks at Internet porn a lot, but it doesn't bother me except that lately we haven't been having sex that often, which makes me think that I'm not meeting his sexual needs. Recently, I found a picture on his computer of me and him with my face blacked out! It happens to be his favorite picture of himself — it's on the beach, and he's shirtless — so my first thought was that he sent the picture to some girl via email and didn't want her to see my face. Even worse, when I checked my email on his computer, the website was already open and it had another email address saved (he doesn't use that email provider) — "hungsd." Obviously I'm a little disturbed.

We've been through so many struggles in our relationship; we were even engaged at one point, but I called it off because I felt that I wasn't getting the love I deserved. We've made it through that hard time, and I feel like he's the one person for me but I'm feeling very resentful of him and find myself pulling away physically. Should I say something to him even though I was the one being nosy? I just don't know what to do.

— Sad and Shocked Samantha

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Dear Sad and Shocked Samantha,

You're resentful, and I would be too. I don't think checking your email on his computer is nosy. The username of his secret email account is certainly worthy of confrontation, let alone the picture with your face blacked out. While it's possible that there is a reasonable explanation for it, I can't imagine what it could be.

You should definitely bring this to his attention. It's likely he'll get defensive, but try to keep the conversation on the topic at hand otherwise it will become about you using his computer, which is absolutely not where the problem lies. If his response is anything less than apologetic, I would be very concerned. You've already encountered issues regarding his devotion to you and while it's really hard to admit, sometimes we have to do what's right for ourselves in the long run even if it hurts today. I wish you the best.

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