You Asked: Should I Call?


Dear Sugar,

I need dating advice. I'm your typical commitment-phobe but I've been dating this guy I met at work since last November and things were going great until two weeks ago. He quit his job and is now looking for something better. He says I'm very important to him but also says he can't see me right now and would rather not talk until he gets his life sorted out. I've tried calling him twice since then — he's been distant but has talked to me. I don't want to lose him because I finally feel like I've met someone who I can open up to and who cares (or cared) about me. I'm scared and need advice. What should I do? — Demanding Deborah

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Dear Demanding Deborah,

When one person starts to pull away in a relationship, it's inevitable that the other person will hold on for dear life — it's just human nature, but the fact that your boyfriend has specifically asked for his space means that he really needs it. For a man, not having a job is a big deal. Since our society places so much pressure on men to be the main provider in relationships, I can completely understand how he would want to cool things down until he has the financial security he clearly needs.

If I were you, I'd write him an e-mail. Let him know that you want to respect his needs but you just need him to know how much you care for him. Once you've said your peace, unfortunately there's nothing more you can do but wait. I wish I could tell you how long it might take or if things will be the same again, but I can't. Trust your intuition on this one and try to be patient. Good luck.

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