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You Asked: Should I Ask For Closure?


Dear Sugar,

I met the "perfect" guy for me about four months ago. We had great chemistry, similar worldviews, and we always got along great. He made me feel like the center of his universe when we were together and I trusted him completely. About three months in, what was supposed to be a Summer fling ended up getting extended because my moving plans changed. Around that time he started doing the ever-so-transparent freeze-out: our regular dates, phone calls, and texts dried up to once a week at most. I confronted him as to whether or not he was seeing anyone else or if he wanted to discontinue our relationship, and he assured me that he wasn't seeing anyone and that he was still very into me. I believe that he isn't seeing anyone else, but it seems crystal clear that he just isn't that into me anymore.

My better judgment tells me that I should let it go — I've already started talking to other guys and getting back out there. But my petulant side thinks that I deserve some sort of closure. I think our time together was worthy of some formal/official "farewell" rather than him disappearing and hoping I wouldn't notice. It hurts because we were honest and upfront from the beginning, and now I'm having a hard time remembering our good times fondly because of the way that things are ending. Should I just get over it and not drag it out, or can I pursue some form of closure so I can properly move on? — In Limbo Lanna

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear In Limbo Lanna,

Being shut out by a romantic partner is incredibly frustrating to say the least — I've been there so I completely empathize with you. Since you've already done your part by asking him straight up if he's seeing other people or if he wants to stop seeing you — and since he's said no to both — I can only assume he's being passive-aggressive. I've come to the realization than men would rather dodge an inevitable breakup than use their words to end it. Not returning calls and avoiding the situation altogether is the safe, easy way out, but what these guys still don't understand is that we women would much prefer honesty; even though the truth hurts sometimes, getting closure makes it worth it.

Since this is still weighing heavily on your mind, I'd confront him one last time. Think about what you want to accomplish with the phone call or meeting before you talk. If it's simply closure that you need, ask him the questions you want answered and get whatever you need to say off your chest — this could be your last chance, so don't leave anything out that would prevent you from moving on. If he still tells you that he's interested, keep listening to your better judgment and remember that actions speak louder than words. If he's not giving you everything you want at four months, he just might not be the "perfect" guy for you after all. Good luck.

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