I just recently lost my virginity and my first time hurt a lot. I thought things would get easier after that but my boyfriend and I are still having difficulties. The subsequent 4 or 5 times we've tried having sex since have all ended up with me telling him to stop because it hurt so much. I always end up feeling really sore afterwards too. Is it supposed to hurt at the beginning like this? What can we do to make it less painful? We've tried with him on top and me on top both with the same disappointing results. Help!
— Sore-From-Sex Sally
Dear Sore-From-Sex Sally
Since you are new to sex, it's going to take your body a while to feel comfortable and for your muscles to relax. I'm sure you were a little nervous the first time, and because it hurt, you were probably worried about the pain the next few times you had sex which made you tense up all over again. After a while, your body will adjust, but in the meantime, here are some tips.
- Get yourself some personal lubricant. When you have sex for the first time, you're so busy wondering what the hell you're supposed to be doing that it can be hard to get aroused and produce the natural lubricant that helps make sex feel good. If you are not creating your own, there's nothing wrong with getting it from a bottle. You can find some at grocery stores and pharmacies right near the condoms. Put some on him and some on you, and it will decrease the friction and make things feel a whole lot smoother.
- Remember to still have foreplay. I know you are all excited to finally be doing it, but don't forget about all the other intimate things you did before you had intercourse. All the kissing and touching will help to relax and excite you, which will make the sex feel all that much better.
- I would also stick to you being on top. That way you can be in charge of how fast and deep the movements are.
- If you are feeling burning or irritation, you may be sensitive to latex condoms or to Nonoxynol-9 spermicide. If that's the case, get yourself some polyurethane condoms that are latex free or condoms without spermicide.
- If you are on the Pill or taking allergy medication, it doesn't really matter how excited you get — your lady business can still be dry but it's nothing a little personal lube can't take care of!
I hope these tips help. Don't get too frustrated and keep up the communication with your boyfriend. Nobody tells you that sex isn't as magical as you would hope and expect it to be in the beginning but the truth is it takes a while to work everything out, but trust me, it will be well worth it in the long run!
— Additional reporting by Alexis Nordby