You Asked: Sex Lasts Five Minutes or Less!

Dear Sugar,

I love my boyfriend more than anything, but our sex life kind of stinks. I mean every time we do it, it's over in like five minutes (and that's on a good day). Sometimes he orgasms in less than that and it leaves me completely unsatisfied. He doesn't get the point that it takes me a little longer to get into the mood. I don't know how to tell him that I want a little more excitement without hurting his ego. How can I get him to last longer?

—Not Into Quickies Kimra


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Dear Not Into Quickies Kimra,

You have just described the number one problem that 99% of women have (this number isn't based on any actual studies, but I'm pretty sure it's accurate based on what all my female friends say). Sex just doesn't really work out between guys and girls the way we imagine it should because like you said, women take a while to get into the mood and reach an orgasm. When it comes to women, you've got to preheat the oven before you bake a pie, so to speak.

Women aren't having nearly as many orgasms as we should for two reasons. One, guys think they're awesome and that whatever they're doing is great because two, women don't tell their guys what they need or like. I bet there's nothing in this world your man wants to do more than to please you, so just talk to him about it, and suggest spending more time on foreplay. He's got to put in the effort to satisfy you in every way or else this relationship is going to fail.

Be sensitive on how you approach the subject. You can damage your man's ego if you insult him or point out what he's doing wrong. Instead, tell your man what you do like, and ask if he could do more of that (like when he kisses your neck or talks dirty). You can also mention new things you'd like to do with him, like give each other back massages or listen to music to get you in the mood. Using a condom might also decrease his sensitivity and make him last longer, so have him slip one of those on. Suggest you take things slower, and choose positions that work for you. Have fun practicing these new techniques!

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