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You Asked: Is it the Same as "Cheating?"

You Asked: Is it the Same as "Cheating?"

Dear Sugar--

I found out recently that my husband was spending his lunch hour with a female co-worker. They don't actually eat together, rather they walked "for exercise." He told me that he supplies her with advice as she always was complaining about her boss and some guy that she liked. On days when I would call him to see if he could have lunch with me, he lied and said he could not take a lunch break. This obviously was a low blow when I later found out that for MONTHS he had been with her during their lunch hours "walking." He said he did not tell me of her as he knew I would not agree to it. So, isn't this the same as cheating? Even if they did not do anything physical, I am still just as hurt. --Betrayed Brianna


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Dear Betrayed Brianna --

The word cheating means to be deceived, tricked, or fooled, so regardless if anything physical happened between your hubby and his co-worker, his lying is the most hurtful thing of all if you ask me. Since I wasn't a fly on the wall during their walks, or know the ins and outs of your relationship, the fact that he covered up this relationship leads me to believe that he does in fact have something to hide here. Are there problems at home that you can pin point and start working on to make him feel like he doesn't need to turn away from you? Are you having a hard time communicating with him?

Everyone has their own views on opposite sex friendships, but you have every right to be upset by his dishonesty, especially when he said he didn't have lunch time for you but did for her. Emotional cheating can be just as hurtful, if not more destructive than physical cheating, so a serious talk is in order. It's clear there is a void in your marriage so perhaps you should think about seeing a marriage counselor if you don't feel comfortable broaching the topic on your own. Regardless of your decision, demanding honesty from your partner is a must. Good luck to you.

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